Great Missenden Pelicans 2018
Year Played Won Drawn Tied Lost Abandoned Cancelled
2018 12 5 4 0 3 0 2

Sunday 8th July vs The Lee

The Lee 215 for 9 (Asad Rehman 4 for 25, Josh Bailey 3 for 44)  Great Missenden Pelicans 162 for 7 (Josh Bailey 32, Jalil Rehman 25*)


Man of the Match: Josh

“We bowled only because our leader [Adam] lost the toss not because he hates us” opined Nico after another afternoon on the sun-baked Paradise that is Nags Head Meadow.

The Pelis kicked off with an unlikely opening combo. Taking the cherry from the top end, Nico immediately complained that it was slippier than a portion of Waitrose salmon, quite unlike the worn-out balls he is used to playing with.

From the bottom end, Josh was bowling thunderbolts, finding the edge almost at will but seeing the ball fly tantalisingly through the gaps.

On a baked outfield, The Lee made a rapid start, interrupted only by a nice catch, middled off Josh but straight to Kunaal in the covers. Safe to say this was the high point of Kunaal’s afternoon.

In no time The Lee was up to 80 for 1, at around 9 an over. And just as quickly, it seemed, they were 125 for 8. Josh took another couple, including a nice catch by Tony stretching forward to a gloved chance.

Asad removed the middle order with a quickfire four-for. Rags had declared himself off games via a morning WhatsApp, (“I have fever”), but appeared nonetheless, perhaps having spotted that bowling honours rival Hasan was not on the team sheet. Rags did for the opener when a 100 seemed to be beckoning.

At this stage Adam’s unbeaten record as Pelis skipper looked secure – a likely chase of 140-150, with Asad and Kunaal to open, what could be easier? In fact, let’s open up the game a bit…

So it was that Adam took off Asad – giving him just an over to achieve his five-for – and brought himself on. And we discovered that the young number 8 batsman could bat a bit. The only joy for the Pelicans (if it could be called ‘joy’) was the removal (note: not ‘dismissal’) of the young number 9. Like the ‘Mankad’ in 1947/48, the ‘Kankate’ is now written into infamy.

The Mankad: a run out of the non-striker by the bowler before bowling the ball if the non-striker leaves his crease too early; thought by some to be ungentlemanly, particularly if performed without a prior warning. (Origin: Vinoo Mankad running out Bill Brown on India’s 1947/48 tour of Australia.)

The Kankate: in which a father and son combo gangs up on a hapless youth, the son softening the youth up by hurling the ball into his gut from short cover, the father cleaning him up two balls later. Thought by some to be ungentlemanly but apparently not by skipper Adam ‘Douglas Jardine’ Fairweather, opining in The Keys afterwards with narrowed eyes: “It was fair enough, he was wandering out of his ground after every ball”. (Origin: Great Missenden Pelicans vs The Lee, July 8th 2018)

To be fair, Kunaal’s throw was obviously misdirected and The Lee, being the decent chaps they are, made nothing of it. Greg, having charged into the melée waving a card – is it red, is it yellow? neither, it’s his business card – withdrew disappointed. But there was a certain inevitability about the dismissal two balls later.

As it was, The Lee had the last laugh, the number 8 being dropped three times by Kunaal in making 67 not out, and propelling their total to 215 for 9.

More demanding than 140-150, but gettable assuming a strong start from the in-form Asad and last year’s batting hero Kunaal.

Half an hour later, Pelis were already regrouping as Asad, Kunaal and the less mission-critical Iceman were all back in the hutch. Greg joined Ali in the middle, to be told “we can only play for the draw, only run singles if they’re 100% certain”. The scorebook shows Ali true to his word: 21 comprising 5 boundaries and a single. In usual Ali form, just as he was moving through the gears, a full bunger on the box was adjudged to be right in front.

This brought Josh to the wicket, and confusion for Greg as he was told: “there’s no draw in the equation, we play to win, run everything.” Josh swung lustily for 32, and Greg joined in, with 18 including 4 boundaries, one teed off over long-on. “Where have you been all this time?” exclaimed Josh; “on the golf course” opined umpire Iceman.

Despite best efforts, the run rate climbed to improbable levels, and it was left to senior statesmen Rehman J and Kankate R to bring home the draw. Not that they simply blocked out – the boundary was regularly peppered, including a towering 6 over long-on from Jalil. Afterwards, Jalil expressed disappointment that he hadn’t quite timed it: “I really wanted to put one of those kids over the railway line” – looks like his corporate aggression is finding a new outlet.

So three successive Sunday draws, the last two salvaged from firmly behind the 8-ball. Not quite Bushmanesque, but we need to return to the winning groove.

Adam remains unbeaten as skipper, that’s the main thing…

Reports are intended to convey an entertaining picture of the day’s play. No disrespect is meant, but if on occasion we misjudge matters, please take it in the friendly and humorous spirit in which it is intended.

Wednesday 4th July vs Stowe Templars

Stowe Templars 282 for 6  Great Missenden Pelicans 221 all out (Asad Rehman 87, Simon Tickler 41)

LOST by 61 runs

Man of the Match: Asad

Reports are intended to convey an entertaining picture of the day’s play. No disrespect is meant, but if on occasion we misjudge matters, please take it in the friendly and humorous spirit in which it is intended.

No Match Report

Sunday 1st July vs Kensington

Kensington 260 for 4  Great Missenden Pelicans 140 for 5


Man of the Match: Ali

On a day that was hotter than Hotty Hotterson’s lava filled pants the Pelicans welcomed our old friends Kensington to the Meadow for a cricket extravaganza of the highest calibre….. kind of.

With a wicket the colour of straw and as hard as hell a new look Pelicans took to the field following the mass unavailability of our younger players, not to worry with Hugh and Rory making their Pelican debut all was well in the Peli camp.

The toss was duly won by Skip and with temperatures hitting 80 degrees the choice was obvious…..bowling.

With a changing room squarely behind the wise Skipper positions were taken and the opening partnership of Toobes and JG took to their task.

With some tight bowling it was JG who took the first wicket, a catch behind from our new wicket keeper Harry Kindle off a peach of a ball that had swing and movement off the wicket. We also had the usual comedy catching moments, this time primarily involving new boy Rory who managed to circle a high one off JG’s bowling only to run away from the ball at the crucial moment. Still with a restricted run rate and both JG and Toobes showing signs of the heat taking its toll, Rory and Nico were duly brought into the attack.

Its possibly not an overstatement to say that Rory’s first over was a bit random as wide followed wide followed beamer which struck the Kensington number 3 firmly on the head. Following a short break play resumed with Rory suddenly finding his line and length and eventually being rewarded with a wicket, a catch from would you believe it Niron – were the cricketing Gods having a laugh or were they going to shine approvingly on the Pelicans?

From the Nags Head end Nico was producing a spell of excellent bowling tying down Kensington and causing all sorts of problems. As drinks were taken play resumed or it nearly did, as Rory having bowled three balls suddenly started seeing stars and proceeded to take a rest in-between balls. With him dispatched to the clubhouse, Toobes took over to finish the over, and proceeded to miss his footing and send another beamer down to the Kensington number three, Skipper Rohan, who this time was able to avoid the ball.

With Nico continuing his fine spell Niron was brought into the attack. It was during this spell of bowling that Nico had his moment of controversy as an appeal was given for LBW which would have been correct had the Kensington player not actually smacked the ball into his pads, the appeal was withdrawn and Nico being ever the professional did not mention the incident again. With Adam ready to come into the attack Nico felt he had the Kensington batsman on the ropes and requested another over which he was duly given, unfortunately he was then carted all over the ground, he was taken off.

Niron who had started strongly then started feeling the heat as Kensington opened up, he did get a wicket but things were starting to look ominous especially as Adam and Toobes came on to finish off the bowling were similarly smacked to the four corners of the meadow.

Thankfully tea intervened in this carnage and a hot and bothered Pelican team took welcome refuge in the clubhouse surrounded by a Susan Greenwood tea, things had immediately taken a turn for the better.

With Kensington having posted a score of 260-odd it was down to our opening partnership to see off the Kensington openers and set a steady foundation for the rest of the team to attack from.

As all Peli followers know, such plans are invariably going to go wrong, it is just to what degree, well in this case it went spectacularly wrong as Grego, followed by JG our number three followed by Harry succumbed to the Kensington bowling. The Pelis were on 3 for 3 and our highest scorer was extras with 3.

Cue video montage, in the background power ballad specialist Bonnie Tyler singing “I need a hero”

Slow mo shots of Ali in the shower shaking the water of his head , strapping on cricket armour, feeling the willow and striding out to the wicket.

Yes the Pelicans needed a hero and thankfully Captain Aylesbury no less turned up and brought his A game, ably assisted to begin with by debutant Hugh who after a few defensive blocks started to strike the ball like a pro, this usually precedes a wicket and today was no different as Hugh was dismissed.

Cue video montage, in the background power ballad specialist M People singing “Search for a hero”

Slow mo shots of Jalil sweating in front of a punchbag, running up Coombe Hill, then striding out to the wicket.

Both Ali and Jalil were striking the ball most comfortably as the run rate rapidly disappeared into the distance, the collapse had been halted and clubhouse Pelicans were starting to breathe a bit easier, indeed with Ali sending the ball to the boundary with great regularity it looked like an Ali 50 was on the cards, unfortunately with Ali on 40 the cricket Gods deserted the Pelicans and Ali was dismissed.

Cue video montage, in the background power ballad specialist Joe Dolce singing “Shadupa your face”

Slo mo shots of Toobes hitting his head on the clubhouse shutters, tripping over a cricket ball, then striding out to the wicket.

With 16 overs still to play Jalil took charge of the game striking 4s and 6s looking like a man that had just retired from 29 years in the City and a Ferrari in the garage.

Toobes stood and admired and offered the odd encouraging word of “Bloody hell he is a bit rapid”

With 2 overs to go Jalil decided that sense should prevail and no more daft shots, cue two enormous swipes from Jalil one that was dropped and one that he completely missed.

Anyway with a score of 140 odd on the scoreboard the game was eventually drawn, what a result.

With the game over it was down to the usual BBQ and man of the match awards.

For the Pelicans Ali deservedly received his accolade, and for Kensington it was Rohan’s 60 who just edged the mighty hitting of the Kensington number 5 who smashed some truly massive 6s.

Once again and we say this every year, it was a pleasure to welcome Kensington to the Meadow, there is no surprise that we play them twice a year, long may it continue, though next year we want to see the new improved Arnie Schwarzenegger-esque Bobby Deol.

Reports are intended to convey an entertaining picture of the day’s play. No disrespect is meant, but if on occasion we misjudge matters, please take it in the friendly and humorous spirit in which it is intended.

Sunday June 24th vs LCR Harrow

Great Missenden Pelicans 192 for 6 (Asad Rehman 135*   LCR Harrow 164 for 9 (Hasan Arif 12-1-34-5 Richard Frank 7-4-20-3)


Man of the Match: Asad

With the England football team option being more tempting for West Wycombe the cricket exchange threw up the surprise package of LCR Harrow, and what a thoroughly delightful package it was.

With the sun shining brighter than Donny Osmond’s teeth the Meadow looked glorious as Skip armed with his lucky 2 Euro coin made his way out to the wicket, unfortunately it seems that the custodian of the lucky two Euro coin had indulged in a bit of over rubbing and said luck had indeed rubbed off, we were batting.

Opening for the Pelicans Asad and Iceman, two brothers separated at birth who only their mother could tell apart, thankfully for the scorer such confusion was short-lived as by his own admission ‘a straight one ‘ had Iceman LBW.

With the score on 33 for 1 we welcomed the latest in a long line of North Yorkshire brothers Harry Kendall, or as Nic pronounced it in his thick aussie brogue, Kindle.

Carrying on from his last games Asad was in sumptuous form dispatching the LCR bowling for many 4s all over the ground, Harry on the other hand decided that this debut needed a bit more thought as he played himself in, so good was his ability to play himself in there were murmurings of Greg of the Week.

Eventually with Asad dispatching ever more balls to the four corners of the Meadow Harry to decided open up and eventually he found the boundary. With Asad racing past his 50 and Harry on 18 the partnership had reached 102 when a caught and bowled did for Harry. Was it actually a caught and bowled or a bump ball everybody had their doubts, but the bowler quizzically appealed and the Umpire with a finger quicker than a Wild West gunslinger sent the unlucky debutant packing.

Ali who too has been in fine form marched out to take on the might of the LCR bowling, he too in true Ali style acquainted himself with the wicket and then went about his usual array of 4s and swishes, by 15 runs and one swish too many Ali was bowled, to be replaced by Swish Tony.

In all that swishing and fouring Asad had once again smashed his way through a hundred, again a magnificent performance, surely it could not get any better for the young Rehman.

Swish Tony with laughter still ringing in his ears took his guard and first ball swished a sweepy 4, unbelievable, ‘he should retire now’ was the comment of the clubhouse, unfortunately Tony seemed to have heard it and took it to heart as he was soon bowled for 4.

Jalil who now exuded an air of calmness and inner positivity found only in those who have retired strolled out to the wicket and strolled back having been caught for 0, Asad meanwhile continued with his personal run fest.

JG joined Asad, slapped a 4, ran a single and then made his way back to the clubhouse, Hasan whose batting has been in superb form was duly relegated to number 8 and scored one.

With tea ready the Pelicans retired to the clubhouse on 192 and Asad on 135 not out, again a fantastic innings.

A welcome sight in the clubhouse, a plethora of Greenwoods, tea would be of a quality, and it was.

Feeling somewhat weighed down by the fine fare the Pelicans took to the field as LCR proceeded to chase down the 193 needed to win.

Opening from the Railway End Toobes and from the Nags End, Hasan, in no time at all and with tight accurate bowling the openers were dispatched back to the clubhouse, an opening spell of 5 and 6 overs respectively yielded no further wickets but also not that many runs, time to bring in the big gun, Adam Fairweather, and the pistol, JG.

As Adam twirled and lobbed his way through his 6 overs JG after an interesting first over tied LCR down with some accurate bowling, unfortunately neither bowler could winkle out the LCR batsmen who were valiantly chasing down the Pelican total, we needed help from beyond the grave. Luckily for the Pelicans Casper the Caribbean ghost was on hand, or it could have been Niron who rather inappropriately white-faced himself up as protection against the sun.

The LCR number 4 batsman no doubt scared to death of this apparition duly coughed up his wicket as he was caught behind by Tony for 45, at last a wicket, Niron was ably partnered by Hasan, back for a second spell and also straight into the thick of it as catches began to stick.

Toobes also brought in for a last hurrah managed two more wickets, interspersed with an almighty 6 from the LCR number 8.

The game was eventually drawn with LCR on 164 for 9, a great effort from the visitors.

Highlight of the game has got to have been the catching, firstly Ali at square leg who took an absolute belter of a catch from a high ball, and then Asad whose day did indeed get better with an unbelievable catch that saw him run 20 yards stoop and pluck the ball 6 inches form the ground with one hand. Further catches though not as spectacular from Toobes, Hasan, JG and Iceman meant it was a near perfect day. Almost near perfect, we did witness the spectacle of a ball going between JG and Niron, which in all honesty was Niron’s ball to catch, well unfortunately with Niron’s feet cemented in ecto goo and unable to say anything the ball dropped to the ground unhindered by human hand.

It was a great game played with an opposition that were equally entertaining and all round good eggs, we would definitely play them again.

Last mention to Harry who demonstrated a fine grasp of the Pelican style of cricket, sledging is best done to your own team.

Reports are intended to convey an entertaining picture of the day’s play. No disrespect is meant, but if on occasion we misjudge matters, please take it in the friendly and humorous spirit in which it is intended.

Sunday June 10th vs Long Marston

Long Marston 229-6    Great Missenden Pelicans 233-2 (Asad Rehman 116 Hasan Arif 67*

WON by 8 wickets

Man of the Match: Asad and Hasan

“Well that was fun” opined nobody, but I am sure they soon will.

Again the sun shone and the day looked set for a fine day’s cricket as the Pelicans descended on Long Marston and a wicket that is fundamentally a road, ideal for batting but a bu@@er to bowl on.

With both Skips preferring the bowling start it was up to Toobes to win the toss and decide to bowl, much to his teams joy and happiness, well thats how he took the chorus of “oh for ***** sake”

Opening the Pelicans bowling we had the double act of Toobes and Hasan, wicket keeping a new face as cover for Swish we had NVDP who rather confidently had unprompted put his hand up to keep and announced he felt a bit catchy.

As feared the road that is Long Marston did indeed favour the batsmen and in no time under a relentless sun the Pelicans were scuttling all over the Long Marston ground, as for NVDP it appeared that he had in-fact borrowed the extra special spring loaded gloves and the ball had amazingly taken on the form of an eel covered in olive oil as one or two balls found themselves past the ever so slightly less catchy NVDP.

Thankfully Has had packed his catching hands and caught the rather useful opener, the number three batsman was then bowled and the Pelicans with tails up started thinking of an early visit to the pub.

With the opening bowlers initial spell finished Hasan had returned a some very tight bowling figures with no wickets and Toobes the same but with a couple of wickets.

NVDP the Alan Knott of space travel then handed the wicket keeping duties to Skip who promptly let the first one whistle under his body. The new bowling partnership of Kaz and Rags similarly found the wicket a batting paradise as anything slightly off line and length was dispatched for four. Kaz returning to the Pelicans after a two year sabbatical its fair to say took a few overs to find his line as the off side was peppered on a regular basis but find it he eventually did as a ball that did very little had the batsman swishing up in the air and the eventual safe hands of Adam in gulley.

Rags unfortunately had forgotten about his self promise to leave the spin bowling at home tried it a couple of times and then remembered his self promise and did indeed lock it away, a wicket soon fell and Long Marston were rocking on 111 for 5.

As is always the case there is always a BUT when we recount the cricket match and the idea of an early visit to the pub was put on hold as the new Long Marston bat ably assisted by a young chap of about circa 12 years old started going at the Pelican bowling.

Rags bowling out 11 overs had a succesion of partners from the oposite end, not only Kaz but also Yasser, who bowled the widest leg side ball ever seen, NVDP and Hasan for a second spell that amazingly yielded a catch to Toobes behind the wicket.

It was during this spell and the LM bat on 40 that a loopy high shot dropped right on top of Asad, caught day dreaming Asad promptly dropped the ball, hopefully it wouldn’t be too expensive but I gather you expect it was, and indeed not wishing to disappoint it was indeed as he went on to score 80 runs.

With Rags’ 11 overs finished for not to many runs (though I think the score book of 22 is wrong), Asad came in and managed a wicket which saw an end of the LM batting as they set a rather competent 230 to win.

Tea was actually very good and feeling full of sandwiches the Pelicans debated who should open, it became apparent pretty quickly that with Asad reluctantly putting his hand up there was indeed nobody else who wanted the honour, by this point Toobes had decided to open when Yasser who on his last outing for the Pelicans had hit a hundred was politely asked by Rags if he would indeed open or bat at number 9. Looking like a man that had just picked up a dollop of dog doo Yasser agreed and donned his pads.

2 runs later Yasser un-donned his pads and Hasan batting at number three went out to join Asad.

Now with the Pelicans on 10 for 1 and needing 230 to win it is fair to say all those watching and playing expected a LM victory but cue the video montage and background music of Bonnie Tyler singing ‘I need a hero’. Asad started to take the game to the LM bowlers as he raced to his 50, Hasan then decided to get into the act and soon he too made his fifty. The carnage continued as superb running between the wicket put more pressure on the LM bowlers as Asad raced to his hundred, Hasan unleashed some mighty fours and continued with the swift running, made all the more impressive as he was fasting.

Incredibly with two overs to go Asad was finally bowled for 116, a magnificent innings that left the Pelican only 10 runs short. What an innings.

Hasan now joined by Ali was playing like a man possessed as he shouted for a quick 2, Ali would have none of it and settled for a single, deciding to back himself. Next shot miss, then a cracking four from Ali. The game was won on the next ball with a wide that went for 4. VICTORY

Hasan not out 67.

A truly phenomenal batting performance from Asad and Hasan which this match report does not give justice to.

Man of the match……… can’t separate Asad and Hasan.

Reports are intended to convey an entertaining picture of the day’s play. No disrespect is meant, but if on occasion we misjudge matters, please take it in the friendly and humorous spirit in which it is intended.

Sunday June 3rd vs Lord Gnomes

Lord Gnomes 173 all out (Asad Rehman 4.3-0-9-3)   Great Missenden Pelicans 175 for 8 (Kunaal Kankate 54, Asad Rehman 36

DRAWN (scores tied)

Man of the Match: Greg

‘I cant really remember when that last happened’ opined PG.

With the sun shining hotter than Hotty Hottersons hotpants the Meadow looked resplendent as we welcomed one of our tougher fixtures of the Pelicans calendar, those Lord Gnomes.

As Skip walked into the changing room he was greeted not only by a low moaning sound but also a wall of smell, it wasn’t the smell of fear, oh no this was the smell of somebody who had been on a serious bender the night before and whose body now oozed the day after. Step forward Swish Tony.

Complaining about his wrecked body and sounding like a weedy 4 year old girl whose favourite dolly had been left upstairs he implored Skip to bat first so he could have a little moment of nappy nap naps.

Skip won the toss and elected to bowl.

Opening up for the Pelicans from the railway end the ever geriatric Toobes and from the Nags Head end the James Dean of Bollywood, Hasan.

With the openers deciding on running everything between the wickets it was fairly soon that this approach would lead to a wicket which indeed it did. With their number 2 bat directing the ball to Hasan they went for their second run; needless to say he was left stranded in the middle of the wicket as the bails were removed, an excellent throw doing all the hard work from Has.

Hasan continued his spell and in no time had managed to remove two further wickets, one an excellent catch by Grego in gully and the other bowled, the Gnomes were in trouble, time to mix it up a bit thought the Skipper.

Enter the Tickler from the railway end and Rags from the Nags Head end. Its a common theme that rubbish gets wickets at the Meadow and this day was no different as Ticks lobbed down some very good deliveries, some average deliveries and two absolute shocking deliveries – he retired from the bowling attack with excellent figures of 4 overs 2 for 18, you can guess which deliveries gave the highest return. The first was a catch by Hasan who seemed to remember this week to pack his catching hands, unfortunately as the game went on he also seemed to have put them back again, the other catch was an absolute snorter from Jonty Rollinson, taking a low diving catch again in gully …..unbelievable.

Rags bowled a tidy 11 overs until he decided to vary it up with spin which the batsmen seemed to pick rather early and dispatch for 6 each time prompting the sage words from Rags himself, ‘maybe I will stop trying to spin it’ much to his teammates’ relief and the batsman’s frustration he did indeed stop and the runs dried up and a wicket soon fell.

With Tickles’ magnificent spell finished (just look in the book) Haimes Walters bowled a superb 7 overs and removed a Gnome that was starting to look quite comfortable. With his spell finished Skip asked Asad to do what Asad does best, as he returned figures of 4.3 overs and 3 for 9.

The Gnomes had posted a decent score of 173, and proved once again that they can indeed bat all the way down the order.

Tea was provided by Haimes and in true Pelican fashion a feast was laid on which was appreciated greatly by both sides.

With tea finished Asad and Kunaal strode out to chase down the Gnomic score of 173. Looking truly magnificent our two openers went about the Gnomes bowlers with relish as 4 followed 4. As the rest of the Pelicans sat back it came as quite a shock finally to see Asad caught whilst on 36, a lovely innings. Kunaal meanwhile continued with a new partner Jonty Rollinson, unfortunately a couple of balls later Grego was making his way back to the changing rooms, the victim of a questionable LBW decision as he hit the ball onto his pads.

Step forward a new partner for Kunaal, Ali.

Now those who have watched Ali bat know that all the shots are in there except forward defensive, in fact generally once 12 runs have been hit there descends a madness, when he changes from mild mannered cricket pro to his alter ego Dool. Today was no different as Dool Ali went about the bowlers like a man possessed, as 6 followed 6 followed 4 followed 4. Skip thought we will be finished in 20 minutes. Dool instead having smashed his way to 26 was bowled.

With Kunaal now getting his 50 Hasan joined him, unfortunately with 6 on the board Has soon was wandering back to the clubhouse, step forward Swish Tony, unfortunately after a few Swishes and 6 runs on the board he too had decided that batting was a mug’s game and returned back to the clubhouse. Unfortunately Kunaal soon followed having scored an excellent 54 and, with Asad, given the Pelicans an excellent start. The field was open for Adam and Tickles.

Adam having learnt from the master swished his way this way and that but unfortunately could not connect with any of the balls, with the overs ticking down Adam swished and missed once too often and he too returned to the clubhouse. The Pelicans were on 12 runs needed and 10 balls to go, all was looking good with the new pairing of Kankate R and Tickler until Rags was bowled leaving the score on 9 to win with 2 balls.

Toobes was sent out but could only hit 2 fours, match tied 173 apiece.

With the game over fines were handed out, the biggest donation this week coming from Swish Tony who had accidentally put on the spring loaded gloves.

An excellent game of cricket played in great spirit and with a man of the match being Grego for two stunning catches.

Final word to PG as he contemplated the result ‘I cant really remember when that last happened’. Josh remembered though – 2012 versus Wendover.

Reports are intended to convey an entertaining picture of the day’s play. No disrespect is meant, but if on occasion we misjudge matters, please take it in the friendly and humorous spirit in which it is intended.

Sunday May 27th vs Prince of Wales Marsh

Prince of Wales Marsh 71 all out (Raghu Kankate 8-5-8-3, Adam Fairweather 4.7-1-40-3)    Great Missenden Pelicans 74 for 1 (Asad Rehman 40*

WON by 9 wickets

Man of the Match: The weather

Fielding a team that combined youth and pensioners the Pelicans touched down on planet WIN, and a lovely planet it is.

Facing new opposition the Pelicans assembled at the meadow in a blaze of sunshine, in fact rather hot sunshine. With the wicket that had been covered looking lovely and green Skip made his way to the wicket with the oppo and tossing the lucky 2 Euro returned back to the clubhouse with a knowing smile, we were bowling.

Opening for the Pelicans we welcomed back Josh from the Nags Head End and suffered Toobes from the railway end.

The game it is fair to say was a bit of a strange one, Toobes opened up and the ball did indeed move around quite a bit, causing the batsman a few problems, but ok. Josh then opened up and combined movement with pace, as he then proceeded to take the head off the opening batsman, a lovely chap but foolhardy on the brave front as he stood there without a helmet. As Clive would say, “somebody will get killed out there”.

With the opener retiring to the clubhouse the next batsman came in with a helmet. Unfortunately he didn’t last too long as he was caught by Kunaal not before he had been dropped 4 times by Hasan on the same one attempt, but hey we all have our off days and no doubt Has would redeem himself.

Josh under instructions from the whole team to bowl a full length continued to bounce his way through the oppo and in no time at all the oppo Skipper was joining his opener in the clubhouse, a not so happy chappy.

With Toobes and Josh removed from the attack the scoreboard read 6 for 3 and 2 retired hurt, time for the big guns, or should I say Adam time ably assisted by Rags.

In no time at all Adam had the oppo dancing to his tune as a barrage of unpredictability left the POW bamboozled, almost as much as his fellow Pelicans. In all this bamboozlement Adam was on a hat-rick, unfortunately it didn’t come off but he finished the game on 7.4 overs 3 for 40.

Rags meanwhile showing the generosity of a hybrid Scottish Yorkshireman returned figures of 8 overs 3 for 8 with 5 maidens. In all of that precision Hasan was offered a chance to redeem himself and in true Pelican style ignored it and dropped yet another catch.

With the POW innings at an end extras was their joint highest score.

Tea on the other hand was a lovely affair as Susan, or as we know her, the Judi Dench of the oven, provided scones and cakes that just made the POW players keep coming back, an old trick but one that never fails…..amateurs.

With tea taken it was down to Asad and Kunaal to chase down the 71 runs required.

Kunaal in the form he left behind last season struck his first 4 shots for 4 a piece, Asad, and I am not being mean spirited here streaked his way ever onwards. Unfortunately this dream team was abruptly cut short as Kunaal fired a ball back to the bowler who managed to hold on to it.

Out strode Matt Smelly Harris who had adopted the same technique as Asad, in fact so streaky had these two become they should have been referred to as Smoked and Back.

There is not much I can say but somehow Asda reached 40, his last shot actually being a beautifully timed 4, finally he had come into form as the game was just about to end. Incredibly Smelly Harris with more singles than a speed dating evening showed he too could hit a ball and finished the game off with a lovely drive for 4 and 10 not out. Ding Dang Doo.

With the game over by 6pm refreshments were taken at the Keys and fines divvied up.

As I say a bit of a funny old game and on re reading my match report I would like to correct one inaccuracy, we took tea in the middle of our innings, so used am I to reporting the above version I got carried away and as I don’t know how to cut and paste it’s stayed there.

Reports are intended to convey an entertaining picture of the day’s play. No disrespect is meant, but if on occasion we misjudge matters, please take it in the friendly and humorous spirit in which it is intended.

Sunday May 20th vs Hyde Heath

Great Missenden Pelicans 176 for 8 (Chris Bechervaise 46, Ali Haider 35, Hasan Arif 25*   Hyde Heath 177 for 5

LOST by 5 wickets

Man of the Match: Bech

Well a run is still a run even if it consists of 2 Ls.

Yes, following a Herculean effort from the Ginger Ninja Dawsey the Pelicans pulled together a team of worthy warriors that included Mini Ali, a boy with nerves of steel indeed.

Having duly lost the toss the Pelicans were put into bat on what liked a pretty funky Hyde Heath wicket. Opening up for the Pelicans and we had Chris Bech ( a man who has retired more times than Muhammad Ali) definitely absolutely playing his last game, and JG.

The thought in Skip’s mind was JG would provide some test style batting and Chris Bech having not played for 2 years could hopefully feel his way into the game. Unfortunately after 5 balls JG used his French cricket stance and was bowled flush on between his legs. Chris ‘my last game’ Bech was joined by The Iceman, the Pelicans looked slightly wobbly, Skip surveyed the scene his confidence slightly dented.

Out of adversity etc etc Bech and Iceman dug in Bech peppering the position between 2nd and 3rd slip and Iceman ably assisted, or shall we say moaned to the umpiring Skip about Bech counting the balls in each over as time and again quick singles were taken.

With the score on 67 Iceman was finally bowled having done an excellent job of making sure there was no Pelican collapse, Chris ‘This is really it’ Bech carried on, this time he was joined by Ali. Skip’s instructions to Ali were simple “once you have hit a four and got past 12 runs try not to go deranged and be out”. Lets just say Ali finally fell on 35, a superb innings that included a mighty 6, Chris Last game Bech too finally succumbed and was bowled for a mighty game changing 46, what a way to finish.

Niron ambled out to the wicket, drove hard to mid-off and ambled back, Tony Sweep Swish Harris flew into action, and after a swift 10 Swish Tony too succumbed to the Hyde heath bowling.

Mr Dependable Rags had joined Swish Tony and very un Rags like departed for 0, leaving the road clear for our own Bollywood hunk Has. With Swish Tony bowled Has was joined by Jal and once again displaying muscle memory inherited from Bradman Jal smashed out a quick 15 until he was out with 3 balls left.

This brought Skip out to the wicket who saw off the 3 balls and walked back to the clubhouse with Has who was not out 25……a flippin good innings.

Tea was devoured and the Pelicans took to the field defending a very respectable 176.

Opening for the Pelicans we had Toobes and Hasan, general tight bowling restricted the Hyde Heath openers and after 13 overs they had 23 runs, the omens were looking good.

A change of bowling brought forward Rags and JG, finally wickets fell as Hyde heath chased the Pelican total, unfortunately with JG and Rags having taken two wickets apiece the Hyde Heath batsman Masood came to the crease and went at JG and Rags. It is fair to say that he had one shot, but he played it extremely well as he launched ball after ball for a 6 to cow corner.

With the runs required dropping ever lower Rags was rested, with a look of the Black Knight from Monty Python and the Holy Grail Rags was sure he had worked his man out and wanted a few more goes at him, unfortunately for Rags it was more than a flesh wound as his figures of 9 overs 2 for 50 will show, JG similarly was rested and Toobes and Hsan came back into the attack. Unfortunately they could not stop the inevitable and Hyde heath won the game with 3 overs to spare.

Special shout to Mini Ali who fielded with great courage especially as one ball flew at him at 200mph and he stood his ground whilst his Father shouted ‘stop it’ and Skip shouted ‘let it go’ He did indeed stand his ground.

Not a good loss but a fair one all the same.

Reports are intended to convey an entertaining picture of the day’s play. No disrespect is meant, but if on occasion we misjudge matters, please take it in the friendly and humorous spirit in which it is intended.

Sunday May 13th vs Ibstone

Ibstone 113 all out   Great Missenden Pelicans fewer all out


Every run of form must come to an end and so it was at the Meadow when after 3 victories in a row, Ibstone popped that victory bubble.

Following a Saturday of heavy rain the prospect of cricket looked slim, but the great God of cricket, who resides in Yorkshire, shone magnificently on Great Missenden as Sunday brought blue skies and sunny sun sun.

With the lucky 2 Euro coin thrust into Skip’s hand the toss was a mere formality as victory saw the Pelicans opt to bowl, little did we know that would be our only victory of the day.

Opening the bowling we had Pasi from the clubhouse end and Toobes from the railway end. Pasi unleashed 7 overs of wizardry which bamboozled the opener and number 3 batsmen. With the openers being taken off Ibstone had found themselves in a relatively comfortable position of 3 for 52, step forward Rags who as we all know did what Rags does best. Returning figures of 8 overs 3 for 17 Ibstone suddenly looked a little less comfortable. Hasan who had completed 3 overs was politely asked to step down to let the big guns of Adam into the attack and as expected The Pelicans’ answer to Shane Warne had the 12 year old asking questions he just couldn’t answer as another wicket fell.

To finish off the Ibstone innings NVDP making an attempt to look like a cross between John Inman and Larry Grayson unleashed 2 overs of fury in a neck tie and claimed his wicket as Adam took a stunning first slip catch. Amazingly that stunning first slip catch had been preceded by a truly dreadful first slip drop, oh how the Yorkshire god of cricket must have chortled.

Tony behind the stumps had managed to leave the spring loaded gloves in the locker as he too got into this catching jamboree albeit his take was a little less spectacular than Adams as the Ibstone number 7 skied one straight up. There then was what seemed like an eternity as those around Tony stood and waited for him to move 1 foot to his left and take the catch. Fortunately Tony who had now issued instructions for someone to call for it finally realised that it was indeed his and consequently moved one foot to his left and took it.

Two other wickets were run outs, as the Ibstone bats amazingly felt there was a run on Clive’s well used right arm, ridiculous.

One other moment of fielding genius saw NVDP go for a ball looking like a cross between John Inman, Larry Grayson and Rudolph Nureyev albeit a bit camper.

The Ibstone innings was brought to a close on 113 runs, surely victory was in the bag.

An early tea was taken and what a fine tea it was as NVDP put on a spread he has become well known for, an excellent effort appreciated by all especially Hasan who tucked into a large number of sugar brittle cakes which had Skip worrying about diabetes.

Following tea the Pelicans batsmen, who undoubtedly would knock the 114 to win off in no time at all, were sent out.

Opening we had Clive and Pasi. I won’t dwell on each individual batsman as I feel repetition leads to boredom but after a number of swishes, swats and swanky shots the Pelicans were staring down a barrel at 45 for 8. Lets just say shot selection was not of the best.

Coming to the wicket we had the joyful pairing of NVDP and Toobes. Instructions from the Skipper, “lets avoid embarrassment”. Never the most inspiring of orders but a truthful one.

With the 50 up the next target was 60, with the 60 up the next target was 70. Toobes and NVDP were starting to believe, even more so as our Aussie supremo unleashed hell to the boundary. Toobes too, with his customary shocking style, got into the act of hitting the 12 year old for 4.

With the score now past 80 Ibstone were getting a bit concerned and on came the opening bowlers who in all fairness were pretty useful

Unfortunately Toobes was soon LBW for 20 and Adam who had looked comfortable was bowled, leaving NVDP the honour of being there at the end, a truly excellent and gutsy performance and second top scorer.

Drinks and fines were administered in the keys. All in all a bad result but a good days cricket played with an opposition that were a pleasure to welcome at the Meadow.

Reports are intended to convey an entertaining picture of the day’s play. No disrespect is meant, but if on occasion we misjudge matters, please take it in the friendly and humorous spirit in which it is intended.

Sunday May 6th vs Holmer Green

Holmer Green 89 all out (Adam Fairweather 4-27)   Great Missenden Pelicans 90 for 4 (Jalil Rehman 23*)

WON by 6 wickets

Man of the Match: Adam

“Sorry losers and haters, my IQ is one of the highest-and you all know it” Donald Trump
WWW first three games for the Pelicans I think you will find is not fake news. Skip

On a day that brought home the vagaries of the British Summer after last week’s 4-degree freezeathon we welcomed Holmer Green to the Meadow, a first time in many years, a team that worryingly looked both fit and young.

The Pelicans sat hunched over their kit bags making various aged noises as the Skipper went out to toss, using this week the lucky Harris 2 Euro remainer coin, having dispensed with the rather unlucky iPhone 6.

With the toss in the bag Skip elected to bowl and informed the eager team who greeted such news with a cacophony of grunts as they stood up and started to get dressed into nicely pressed cricket whites.

Opening the bowling for the Pelicans was Toobes from the railway end and Hasan from the Club house end, both bowling 6 overs apiece and both taking two wickets apiece for very few runs, a platform had been set and it was up to JG and Adam to build on that platform, and build on it they did. JG overjoyed at finally bowling down the hill also got in to the act of 2 wickets for very few runs, but Adam was on fire. With a combination of loopy high balls, skidding low balls, balls going on the on side, balls going on the off side and the occasional straight one, Holmer Greens finest were utterly bamboozled, it is fair to say so were the Pelicans. The outcome of such bowling was to decimate the Holmer Green middle order as 4 wickets quickly fell. With Adam looking at a five-for and like a Belisha beacon his request of ‘Skip anytime you want to take me off’ was heeded before nature took the decision out of the Skip’s hands.

Whilst all this carnage was taking place Niron had also been unleashed onto the unsuspecting Holmer Green team and returned a very respectable 5 overs for hardly any runs.

It was JG who was called into the action once again to finish the innings and took the final wicket as Holmer Green posted a score of 89 runs.

Having seen the difficulty the week earlier of getting past 70 the game was finely in the balance.

An early tea was taken and the opposition were filled up on cakes and cheese perfect for running around on a hot summer’s day.

Opening for the Pelicans we had the ever consistent Clive and the mighty Asad.

Asad unusually for him decided to run a few quick singles until a mighty 6 was unleashed into the clubhouse. Having suddenly got the flavour of big hitting he was then undone by in his own words by one that did nothing but successfully hit his pads whilst he stood in front of the wicket.

Clive on the other hand had discovered the boundary and with customary grace started to dispatch the balls away, unfortunately the 12-year-old bowling had worked Clive out and bowled a slow straight one, which confused Clive as he swished his bat and edged it onto his wicket.

With Iceman already at the crease, Ali entered the arena to finish off Holmer Green. Deciding that he was going to up his game from last week Ali looked like a man possessed, unfortunately the entity that was possessing him on this occasion had never played cricket before and possibly wasn’t human as the 12-year-old had once again worked Ali out on this occasion without bowling at him, Ali spooned a catch up to mid off and trudged off shaking his head exorcising the entity out of his body. The Pelicans were looking not too clever.

Meanwhile at the other end the Iceman in his rodent-damaged pads had decided to steady the good ship Pelican and looked in imperious form as he dispatched 3 balls off to the boundary. Unfortunately such play was never to last as he fell, LBW, but on a respectable score of 16 having finally given the Pelicans a platform.

At the wicket we had Bomber Harris and Jalil. Now if an award is ever to be given for bloody mindedness in the face of overwhelming odds against you, then Bomber would have it as he followed sweep shot after sweep shot missing every one. It was not until his about 20th attempt when he finally connected much to the delirious joy to the masses watching. Jalil on the other hand had a completely different approach as 5 4s will prove in the scorebook. Setting himself up nicely with 4 to win Jalil hoisted a ball towards the boundary looking all day like a 6 but finishing off as a 4. Game won.

The team returned to the changing room drained but victorious, Adam a bit behind also joined his team mates and confirmed he knew what success smelt like, apparently it isn’t pleasant.

With the Pelicans retiring to the Cross Keys NVDP called a quorum and fines were duly dispensed – high on the fines front was Bomber who had managed to find and wear the spring loaded gloves.

Reports are intended to convey an entertaining picture of the day’s play. No disrespect is meant, but if on occasion we misjudge matters, please take it in the friendly and humorous spirit in which it is intended.

Sunday April 29th vs Little Marlow

Little Marlow 69 all out (Haime 2 for 3, Adam Fairweather 2 for 11, Josh Bailey 2 for 9)   Great Missenden Pelicans 70 for 8 (Josh Bailey 32*)

WON by 2 wickets

Man of the Match: Josh

On a day that was so cold even Niron looked human the Pelicans chalked up their second win of the season.

Following heavy rain and with the certainty the match would be called off the opposition confirmed at 9.30 that indeed the game was still on and they were looking forward to seeing us. With each Peli ordered to pack whites including parkas the team duly turned up looking like something from the Royal Marines Mountain and Artic Warfare Cadre.

With the toss lost and the desire to move the game on a format of limited overs was agreed and the Pelis duly took up the challenge of fielding, hampered by 5 layers of clothing.

Opening the bowling was the old double act of Toobes and Josh, it soon became clear that the wicket had something in it as Toobes hitting the speed trap at upper 20sKph returned figures of 1 for 10, unusual in itself. Josh looking like he had played all winter raced in and returned figures of 2 for 9 with some rather pacy and accurate bowling which had the oppo batsmen hopping around like Egyptian belly dancers on hot coals.

With the scoreboard runs keeping pace with the overs indeed it turned to our resident Kiwi and history buff NVDP to point out the aeronautical figures of 7 for 2 off 7. Yes we all had the same look on our faces as NVDP gleefully told us that interesting fact.

With Toobes and Josh put out to grass and freeze, the bowling honours were taken over by Mr Dependable Rags and Haimes, as you would guess wickets fell almost as quickly as runs were scored as Rags returned figures of 1 for 8 and Haimes 2 for 6, even the efforts of Josh on the boundary dropping the ball three times in an effort to pick it up couldn’t coax further runs.

With batsmen running out and fearing the onset of cryogenic freezing the big guns were called for namely NVDP and Adam with 6 overs bowled apiece. NVDP having varied his bowling going over, around, backwards, forwards, sideway, and all ways returned figures of 1 for 9, Adam similarly in imperious form took his 2 wickets for 22 runs, one of which was a caught and bowled which entered Adams hands at Mach 4.5.

With the 38 overs bowled the Pelis rushed back to the clubhouse for heat and bovril having restricted Little Marlow to 69 or as we like to call it….. Clive.

Now ordinarily the grand total of 69 would be viewed as a paltry sum, but this was the Pelis and this was a very cold day, so there was a lack of high fives as the Pelis ate tea, warmed up and prepared for the Little Marlow onslaught.

Not surprising the Little Marlow onslaught did indeed occur as first Greg was out for 0 LBW again, Niron was out for 0 caught, Bails out for 0 caught, Ali out for 3 bowled and Clive unbelievably out for 10 LBW.

With the Pelis on 5 for 26, 69 was starting to look quite an impressive total, cometh the hour cometh the Bailey, in this instance Josh, who having scared the bejeebers out of them with the ball unleashed carnage and a few air shots. Assisted by Rags the score progressed to 46 until Rags was caught for 6. Haimes entered the arena without bothering the scoreboard too much and was replaced by Toobes.

Looking comfortable Toobes and Josh took the score up to 63 for Toobes to fall LBW, NVDP fresh from his umpiring stint decided to bring the game home with some quality match management ably assisted by Josh, VICTORY.

The Pelicans retired to the Queens Head and fines were distributed, highlights Bails general averageness particularly on the first ball as he adopted the wicket keeping position only Weeble like to topple over and un Weeble like not be able to get up.

Both Niron and Grego’s use of the boot for stopping the ball, Adams fine for getting a duck as he waited his turn to bat, which never happened, and Ali for being an umpiring genius……………….NUFF SAID.

Reports are intended to convey an entertaining picture of the day’s play. No disrespect is meant, but if on occasion we misjudge matters, please take it in the friendly and humorous spirit in which it is intended.

Sunday April 22nd vs Fleet Street Strollers

Great Missenden Pelicans 205-9 (Pasi Fernando 67, Patrick Timmis 27*, Hasan Arif 24)   Fleet Street Strollers 177 (Hasan Arif 4-15)

WON by 28 runs

Man of the Match: Hasan

Woke up this morning, I had a dream about sunshine days, perfect teas, Pelicans victorious…

But it wasn’t a dream and I ache like Bu**ery to prove it.

First game first victory

With 11 giants putting up their hands looking forward to a bit of tan topping up the Pelicans assembled at the clubhouse for the first game of the season. Thanks to our own Mystic Meg Harris prediction the covers had protected the square from an overnight downpour, now safely nestled behind the roller the field of dreams looked truly magnificent.

Skip and the oppo Skip took to the crease and without the lucky 2 Euro used the unlucky i phone 6 which proved as it title would suggest, unlucky.

With the Pelicans batting what could go wrong, well with three quick wickets 3 for 36 was a problem, Iceman, Grego failed to ignite the scorecard, JG did find the boundary and looked in magnificent form until a very un JG like shot produced a catch and his wicket.

Taking to the middle we had the partnership of Has and Pas, what followed can only be described as carnage from the bat of Pas as eight sixes peppered the boundary, and considered batting from the bat of Has.

Naturally we would need to have a comedic moment and the twins provided it, with communication between the batsman which Stephen Hawkins in his current state could have surpassed our two desperados found themselves stranded between the wicket, looking somewhat like the Chuckle brothers all that was lacking was the command “to you, to me” as back and forth they went. This indecision was not only matched but improved upon by the Strollers who between them failed to decide who would pick up the ball and who would throw it back in, the result, both Has and Pas safe.

Eventually this partnership came to an end and Mystic Meg Harris came forth with his customary sweeps and pulls and Patrick, playing his first game for the Pelis. The scoreboard ticked along nicely even when Mystic Bomber swept once too often as Mrs Safe hands Rags came forth. Again runs continued and eventually Adam entered the arena and then entered the clubhouse, Ajmal similarly entered the field of dreams, but lasted significantly longer than Adam. Not wishing to be seen as arrogant Skip declared with 2 minutes to go and the scoreboard on 205, surely enough.

Tea was provided by Adam and if there is one thing you can count on from Adam is that tea will be a sumptuous affair, which it was.

The Pelicans took to the field and the Strollers came out ready to do battle, opening the bowling was Tooby and new boy Patrick. The bowling was tight and kept the run rate down the only wicket being a suicidal run which was taken as the ball rolled to JG and even Jim Bowen in his current state would have hit the wicket, one down.

A change of bowling brought Ajmal and Rags forward, Rags as ever kept the run rate well down and Ajmal once he had found his soon took his first Peli wicket, soon followed by his second which was a catch by brother Has.

The bowling was soon beefed up with Adam who brought his twirly magic forward, unfortunately it was black magic and the Strollers somewhat feasted on this ambrosia, having finally bought a wicket Skip dragged him off kicking and screaming and replaced him with Has, bowling from the railway end was Pas.

What followed was a reverse of the batting, carnage from Has and steady rockets from Pas. In no time at all Has had produced 4 wickets, which included some fine takes from Harris and JG ( the J stands for Jonty) taking another wicket with a superb run out which Dale Winton in his live state would have missed.

The game was won naturally from the hands of Has, victory, yes but it was close.

An excellent start to the season with cricket played in the right spirit from both sides, the Strollers as ever a pleasure to welcome to the Meadow.

Roll on Little Marlow.

Reports are intended to convey an entertaining picture of the day’s play. No disrespect is meant, but if on occasion we misjudge matters, please take it in the friendly and humorous spirit in which it is intended.

Sunday April 15th vs Nomads

Match cancelled

Sadly, and despite best efforts by a working party the previous week, a month of rain and cold weather meant that the ground was never going to be fit for the opening fixture. Early cancellation.

Reports are intended to convey an entertaining picture of the day’s play. No disrespect is meant, but if on occasion we misjudge matters, please take it in the friendly and humorous spirit in which it is intended.

No Match Report