Great Missendens Pelicans 2017


Sunday October 8th vs Regals CC

Match cancelled

Reports are intended to convey an entertaining picture of the day’s play. No disrespect is meant, but if on occasion we misjudge matters, please take it in the friendly and humorous spirit in which it is intended.

No Match Report

Sunday October 1st vs Kensington CC

Match cancelled

Reports are intended to convey an entertaining picture of the day’s play. No disrespect is meant, but if on occasion we misjudge matters, please take it in the friendly and humorous spirit in which it is intended.

No Match Report

Sunday September 24th vs Golden Age

Golden Age 142   Great Missenden Pelicans 143 for 5 (Kunaal Kankate 57)

WON by 5 wickets

Reports are intended to convey an entertaining picture of the day’s play. No disrespect is meant, but if on occasion we misjudge matters, please take it in the friendly and humorous spirit in which it is intended.

No Match Report

Sunday September 17th vs Ealing Hanwellians

Match CANCELLED - waterlogged pitch

Reports are intended to convey an entertaining picture of the day’s play. No disrespect is meant, but if on occasion we misjudge matters, please take it in the friendly and humorous spirit in which it is intended.

No Match Report

Sunday September 10th vs Ley Hill

Great Missenden Pelicans 221-2 (Kunaal Kankate 94, Clive Nicholls 48, Simon Tickler 44*)   Ley Hill 29-1

Match Abandoned

The Pelis continue their unbeaten run with a match abandoned

With dark skies and a heavy atmosphere the Pelis congregated at the Meadow ready to put Ley Hill to the sword, the weather forecast predicted rain late on in the day, plenty of time for a cricket match as the forecasters as we all know are always right.

Without Tony’s 2 Euro coin and with the words of the team still ringing in the Skip’s ear of “make sure you bowl first”, the Pelis were put into bat.

Taking guard against the ferocious onslaught of Ley Hill’s finest we had Clive and Kunaal. With a fine batting line up in the clubhouse to follow, a steady start followed by a full-on cut-loose onslaught was expected.

The fine steady start did indeed happen, unfortunately it continued, particularly at one end.

As the skies seemed to be defying the forecasters this intrepid duo put on a performance to match the weather conditions, which was bleak, cold and drizzly. I know this sounds somewhat ungracious but as trench foot and pad rot set in, the mood of the Pelicans watching the action out at the crease became ever more sombre as delirium slowly set in.

Eventually with about 140 on the board Kunaal who had been uncharacteristically quiet holed out for 94… Fined for not getting 100

Clive, meanwhile, ground out what the opposition scorer said was a 50 but on closer inspection in our book was indeed 48… Fined 48 not getting 50.

Tickles replaced Kunaal and Niron replaced Clive, we were then able to witness slaps for 4 and running between the wicket, indeed Niron on running another 3 complained to Tickles about his poorly knee, Ticks quietly referred Niron back to his heart surgery.

With the rain falling ever more steadily our two bedraggled Pelicans returned to the clubhouse on 44 and 13, I will let you work out who got what, but the total was 221.

Tea this week was provided by Adam and what a feast it was, as 14 hour slow cooked pulled pork was accompanied with figs and pistachio nuts drizzled in honey, very nice and warming.

With tea taken and what looked like the remnants of Hurricane Harvey at the Meadow, the Pelicans made their way to the wicket to finish the job. Opening for the Pelicans we had Rags and Toobes, after 10 overs of close shaves and even more wetness our two heroes were replaced by Pasi, no doubt desperate for the return to Sri Lanka and some sunshine, and Hassan.

It took about two balls for Pasi to remove the opener, who was replaced by the Ley Hill number three who it is fair to say had a face like thunder, this only got worse as the conditions deteriorated, someone was going to die out there, from exposure.

The option to carry on was offered to the batsmen and off we came, just before Irma joined Harvey and it started to rain even harder if that was indeed possible.

Sodden clothes were removed and the Pelicans retired to the Cross Keys to discus fines.

Niron this week had no complaints as he was fined twice, once for putting his hoodie on the wrong way, and then again for putting his jumper on the wrong way. Clive led the way this week with fines totalling £4: 48 not getting 50, Etiquette for spitting, Greg of the week, and general averageness for allowing the ball to hit him in the goolies.

Reports are intended to convey an entertaining picture of the day’s play. No disrespect is meant, but if on occasion we misjudge matters, please take it in the friendly and humorous spirit in which it is intended.

Sunday September 3rd vs Bledlow Village

Bledlow Village 107 (20 overs)   Great Missenden Pelicans 108-4 (Kunaal Kankate 68)

WON by 6 wickets

As Eric Hoffer said “Men weary as much of not doing the things they want to do as of doing the things they do not want to do”. Me neither, but hell we got another victory on Sunday.

With overcast skies and the prospect of rain, Skip strode out to the wicket with the lucky 2 euro coin. Unfortunately the inclement weather had washed a bit of luck out of the 2 euro coin and the toss was lost, but then the washed-out luck must have seeped into the opposing Skip’s head because he elected to bat.

With a format agreed that would take account of the weather – ie 20/20 – Toobes and Rags commenced their 4 over spell.

There is a certain predictability in the bowling figures: Rags 4 overs 1 for 16, Toobes 4 overs 1 for 37 but on this occasion Toobes had all the luck of a leprechaun that had slipped in dog poo onto a stick covered in dog poo ending up under a dog that was about to poo. There were missed catches, misfields, misdemeanours and mistakes in equal amount as the upper order went about their task.

Rags and Toobes soon gave way to Hasan and Asad and as expected the run fest reduced somewhat. In fact Asad’s 4 overs for 1 run and 2 wickets was miserly in the extreme, whilst Hasan’s 4 overs for 27 runs and 2 wickets was equally impressive.

Once again the bowling was peppered with missed opportunities and misfields not least by Skip himself who dropped what must rate as one of the easiest catches of the season, there was no attempt to apportion blame it was just simply rubbish.

Bringing up the bowling rearguard, Skip turned to Ex Skip Livie, playing in his last game, and Adam. It was during this spell that the catching reached even higher comedic proportions that Buster Keaton would have been proud of.

First up we had a looping ball dollied up between mid wicket and mid on. Now with fielders in both those positions it was simply a case of wandering over to where the ball was going to drop, reaching up and like plucking an apple from a tree, taking the catch, what could go wrong? Well what could go wrong is two people with the same intention: it is fair to say that Hasan gave a slight indication of what he was up to by screaming “Hasan’s”, but Ali was having none of that and in true Toobes fashion ran into Hasan, both players ending up on the floor as did the ball.

Secondly we had Tony wearing his spring loaded gloves who felt it would be better to palm the ball up to Adam in first slip, unfortunately Adam hadn’t read the script and decided to ignore the ball.

Eventually Livie and Adam finished their two-over spells with 13 and 19 runs taken off them respectively.

With the 20 overs finally finished Bledlow returned to the clubhouse with 107 on the board.

It was now time for the famous Pelican run chase.

Stepping out to the wicket for the last time Livie joined Kunaal in the opening slot. Looking regal and resplendent Livie slotted his first shot for a magical 4; comfortable at the wicket and ready to bring it home for the Pelicans Livie settled in for a big score, then he was out.

Asad joined his usual partner in crime at the wicket and set about the Bledlow bowlers, with some lusty blows he sprinted to 11 before he too joined Livie in the clubhouse. Kunaal though decided against joining his partners and did what Kunaal does best, stay at the wicket and knock seven bells of sh1t out of the ball.

Jalil took over from Asad and raced to a mighty 6 before being caught, which brought Ronak out to the crease.

Having arrived on his scooter in full cricket regalia including pads Ronak finally scored his first Pelican run. It’s fair to say the second took a bit of time but he manfully held up his end whilst Kunaal smashed the ball all over the place finally being caught with the score drawn. Hasan walked out to the crease, hit one and everyone duly walked back.

Tea was taken, a joint effort between NVDP BBQ and Skip on cakes.

Drinks and fines were then taken at the Keys, Lord Chief Justice Peanut relishing the prospect of fines, so sure was he that his playing for the opposition would render him immune – it didn’t.

With fines fined and drinks drunk we bade goodbye to Livie, an excellent Skipper for 5 years who has done so much for the club and who will be sorely missed.

Reports are intended to convey an entertaining picture of the day’s play. No disrespect is meant, but if on occasion we misjudge matters, please take it in the friendly and humorous spirit in which it is intended.

Sunday August 27th vs Widmer End

Great Missenden Pelicans 210 for 5 (Asad Rehman 82, Will Bentall 45, Kunaal Kankate 40)   Widmer End 145 (Asad Rehman 3-2, Raghu Kankate 3-43)

WON by 65 runs

Whilst the victory over Northdown was fresh, plans were already afoot to deliver a new round of crisp drubbage to those entertaining souls at Widmer End.

The day dawned early (as it frequently does) and the temperature rose steadily to scorchio for the final part of the weekend double-header away.

It was therefore a mighty relief that the skipper lost the toss and we found ourselves with bat in hand and not chasing hot leather to all corners – for that indeed that is where the dynamic (but only when running back to face) duo of Messrs Rehman jr and Kankate jr dispatched the ball.

Five overs in saw said ball’s condition come into question, as the surface was somewhat marred and the seam already tattered – the Pelican umpires may have been more moved had it not been for the fact that Widmer’s bowlers kept standing on the bloody thing with their spikes in lieu of the traditional “using your hands” approach.

Overs were bowled runs were taken aplenty, our opening pair did at times forget what a cricket ball looks like as it tended to spend extended periods under a bush on the boundary, indeed Mr Tickler (umpire of the moment) may have suggested that 15 overs in 90 minutes was somewhat “behind the pace”. Kunaal’s wicket at 40 runs brought forth Tony. Tony’s first(ish) shot bought about Tony’s wicket. New to the setup was Will Bentall, and it’s fair to say his first foray for us (after an excruciating cap presentation ceremony he was forced to endure by Toobey as we took to the field) was an entirely successful one. Several more boundaries followed including one particularly memorable ball bowled by their number one bowler Cameron, smashed back over his head by Mr Bentall like it had said something untoward about his parentage.

Asad reached a mighty impressive 82 and Will 45; very capable support from Jalil, Rags and Hasan followed with a score of 209 posted.

We then took Tea.

With our postprandial appointment beckoning we took to the field. Toobey opened down the hill and maintained the metronomic consistency that he is known for. The slight marring to this is that this consistency was consistently down leg side.

Both Asad and Will clung to absolute worldies during the bowling attack, words were of course had – and they promise never to do it again. Wickets were shared all round during the following, a veritable salad of different bowlers from the Pelis, and with only a few overs remaining Asad undid the last few Cling-ons in the Widmer defense to leave them at 145 all out. Another for column “Win”, onwards.

Reports are intended to convey an entertaining picture of the day’s play. No disrespect is meant, but if on occasion we misjudge matters, please take it in the friendly and humorous spirit in which it is intended.

Saturday August 26th vs Northdown

Northdown 168 all out (NVDP 3-15, Richard Frank 3-33, Pasindo Fernando 3-41)   Great Missenden Pelicans 169-6

WON by 4 wickets

We welcomed Northdown from the Garden of England for the second match of their 2017 tour.

The home side took up the leather on a wicket prepared by Messrs Fairweather, Carter, Frank and thinner lines painted by Colin.

Hasan opened with the skipper and the first wicket was the first of two odd incidents that marked a good performance in the field. The senior of the two openers slapped a drive straight back at the non striker, hitting his arm which in turn ballooned to Julian (ringer from the Lee) who took a straightforward catch (if there is such a thing). Result, wicket for Hasan, seam mark and bruise on the non-strikers arm and a public display of ‘disgruntledness’ by the unlucky fellow who was out. I did overhear Northdown’s team stirrer say even he wasn’t going to take the mick this time, which showed great restraint judging by his behaviour later.

With cap on back to front, black trainers the number 3 strode to the wicket. As a proponent of the ‘all the gear etc’ looks can be deceiving. Lusty blows to all parts of the meadow did not preclude the chance of a mistimed shot, sent skywards into a no-mans land that not even the bravest were prepared to move into. Dress it up as much as he likes but the Pelis overseas player stood there like Hoa Hakananai’a, impressive bulk but absolutely stock still. We have zinger bails but we don’t have stump microphones, if we had the skipper would have been in trouble with the authorities, as it was we were subject to a Malcolm Tucker-esque tirade, northern accented. Needless to say the culprit was treated like a leper who had soiled the skippers bed for a period of time which only came to end when his call to the bowling crease provided redemption.

While this was going on at the Railway End a new Peli recently arrived from Columbo was making a cracking debut at the bowling crease. Passi bowled with an action of economy and grace and took 3 nice wickets. The Montgolfier of Missenden saw off the backward cap gentleman, their second top scorer and one other. Next up was the second of the overseas players, who combined line and length and dross to burgle one wicket and take two genuine scalps. The first wicket, a full toss caught at mid wicket was marked by J Swire (The Lee) with “I’m not celebrating a wicket off a s*%! ball like that”, this was true evidence of someone who hasn’t played Pelis before. Peanut’s spell was punctuated with the arrival and departure of a helicopter calling in at the Nags Head, we hope to see Passi and his balloon there before the end of the season.

Northdown all out for 168, time for tea.

Tea was a shared effort and these can be a bit of lottery, in this case only if the winning numbers were, 8 8 8 8 8 8 and bonus ball 8. another way to describe it may be to misquote the Scottish bard, “The best bought flans of Tescos and Asda”. Mrs Peanut took credit for the tea for which Mr Peanut was duly fined post match.

Batting at the front end was Julian and Kanaal, they ticked along nicely until Kunaal was splendidly caught on the square leg boundary. Tony came and went, Ali plundered a few as did Butch. John W joined us from Hit and Miss and added a few proper cricket shots to his excellent work in the field. We look forward to him joining us from time to time in seasons ahead.

Step up Passi resplendent in boots, pads, gloves and bat that looked pretty much unused, and proceeded to slap the ball about. The best shot of the lot being the ‘brown trouser maker’ fired straight at the bowler who pretty much ducked it leaving Adam to feel the breeze pass his right ear.

The game was finished at a bit of a canter and a good win and good match all round concluded with a few words from the opposition skipper. Points to note, the fixture derives from an ex-Peli who played for Northdown and brought them on their first tour 30 years previous and that their off spinner had taken his 1500th wicket for the club.

Retiring to the Keys, a lucrative fine session was held and early doors taken as tomorrow had several players backing up for Widmer End the following afternoon.

Reports are intended to convey an entertaining picture of the day’s play. No disrespect is meant, but if on occasion we misjudge matters, please take it in the friendly and humorous spirit in which it is intended.

Sunday August 20th vs Hit or Miss

Great Missenden Pelicans 177-7 (Kunaal Kankate 69*, Asad Rehman 44)   Hit or Miss 108 (Raghu Kankate 3-26)

WON by 69 runs

We rule, we Papas rule the dance, in a brand new fashion in a brand new style we rule.

So sang the Wee Papa Girl Rappers, and how apt were those poignant words as the Pelicans notched up the notable scalp of Hit or Miss after way too many failures.

With a team hewn out of the iron from Hades itself the Pelicans were up for some serious cricket and so it came to pass.

With rain forecast in the evening the overriding request from the clubhouse was ‘Bat first’ The Hit or Miss Skipper on informing Skip that his team were not as strong as they could be, indeed fielding some very small children (more about that later), suggested he would prefer us to bat first. Advice duly taken Skip gesticulated to the dressing room and mouthed the words “we’re batting”

Expecting to be lifted upon Pelican shoulders Messiah-like, can I just say for all the doing what the team wants I was somewhat underwhelmed at the joyous response of “oh”?

Opening up in his penultimate game we had old Skip, who was accompanied by Asad. The weakened Hit or Miss teams bowling immediately didn’t look too weakened to the Pelicans as on the second ball Asad saw his stumps upended, only to be reprieved by the lusty shout of “No ball” from umpire Tony.

Asad eventually did fall somewhere in his forties, bringing Kunaal out to the wicket.

The H/M bowling continued to be of the highest order and mutterings of “we’ve been had” could be heard as Ex Skip Livie returned to the clubhouse having been clean bowled though not before the scoreboard had pushed on beyond 80.

Ali replaced Ex Skip and did what Ali does best, look very comfortable, stroke a nice 4 then produce a wild swish to be caught behind.

Jalil stepped out and having played some truly glorious shots for 4 decided to call it a day and returned to the clubhouse.

Enter Tony to the fray, and enter the dragon otherwise known as the small 10 year old, Kunaal and Tony tucked into some loose opening balls but this wily 10 year old was only setting a trap which Tony duly sprung and was caught out from an audacious shot that was going straight to the boundary beyond point.

Tickles bound out set on restoring the world equilibrium with some fine shots and the customary quick singles, but again the cunning 10 year old saw a slight chink in the Tickler armour and with a swish had our legend consigned to the clubhouse with another catch.

Rags went out to join younger Rags, a beautiful moment as Father and Son acting as one in syncopated harmonious rhythm set about the H/M bowling or they would have done had not Kunaal ran his father out.

Padded up and ready for action Adam blistered out of the clubhouse and stood like a mighty redwood as Kunaal hit the last ball for a single and in they came.

Once again Kunaal had lead the batting with a fine 69 not out.

The Pelicans had put on a respectable 177, but would it be enough? Thankfully we were not to bothered about that as we all tucked into an NVDP tea which was a truly magnificent affair.

Opening the bowling we had Toobes and Hasan, fresh from his match-drawing heroics the week before.

Unusually both bowlers – or should I say unusually Toobes – actually managed to bowl this week with some degree of accuracy, but it was fairly obvious that the opening batsmen could indeed bat. Mummerings of “we’ve been had” could be heard.

It was Hasan who struck first, sending the opener back to the clubhouse, this was shortly followed by Toobes sending back the number 3 batsman who having survived a fine LBW appeal nicked one to Tony behind the stumps.

The H/M number 4 batsman started the downward spiral in size, this 13 year old who had shown the Pelicans he could bowl a bit was first of all softened up with a beamer from Toobes before he was dispatched LBW. This brought to the crease an even smaller H/M bat otherwise known as The Dragon.

With Tickles replacing Toobes the scene was set for two cricketing titans to stare each other in the face if step ladders had been available.

With all thoughts on revenge Tickles sent down his first beamer to soften up this giant of the crease; smelling 10 year old blood a short ball followed, rocking back in his size 2 boots this was dispatched towards the boundary, his steely blue eyes boring deep into Tickles’ soul.

Tickles incensed by such a lack of respect sent down another beamer, the plucky 10 year old stood his ground as the ball sailed 5 feet over his head which itself was 4 feet above the grass, the sheer impudence in his stance again pushed Tickles on to unleash another mighty beamer, surely he would run off to his Mum crying soon, but no like the Rock of Gibraltar this 10 year old was made of sterner stuff, and this sterner stuff was soon aided by the joining of his father at the crease who it was apparent most certainly could bat a bit.

Still this titanic struggle continued at the other end as finally Tickles skilfully duped said 10 year old into a rash shot that saw the ball float up and over to Adam in first slip, it then continued to float through both his hands and come to stop by his feet. With murder in his eyes Tickles went back to his mark, with speed ramped up to 30 mph Tickles unleashed the MOAB and finally had his man/boy. Satisfied Tickles requested that he be rested, what a giant of a man.

Asad replaced Tickles and with Rags holding up the Pub end the job was now to remove the H/M batting order.

With the father still at the crease and cutting loose for a short while things looked somewhat tight as there were still 14 overs to go, finally he was removed on a fine 60 and the rest of the H/M lower order succumbed to the Kankate, Asad double act.

A fine victory

Drinks were taken at the Keys and with the court sitting High Lord Chief Justice Van Peanut administered the fines for the game.

With a new fine introduced GOW (Greg of the week) the first recipient of this honour went to Ex Skip Livie for making 6 runs in 11 overs.

Another fine moment was ball gate. Having been dispatched for a mighty 6 Tickles was given a replacement ball; used to feeling balls, Tickles immediately sensed a problem. To cut a long story short it became apparent as another ball was sent out that indeed the offending sphere was indeed a child’s ball. Vindicated, Tickles continued his bowling spell and duly lost this ball as well.

Reports are intended to convey an entertaining picture of the day’s play. No disrespect is meant, but if on occasion we misjudge matters, please take it in the friendly and humorous spirit in which it is intended.

Sunday August 13th vs Middleton Stoney

Middleton Stoney 204 all out   Great Missenden Pelicans 99 for 7


Man of the Match: Hasan

Sun was shining, the wicket was green Asad had misread the e mail and was early, ahhh yes another day at the Meadow.

Welcoming Middleton Stoney to the Meadow Skip with the Harris lucky two Euro in his palm, Skip strode out to the wicket with the opposition Skip, the words of the dressing room ringing in his ears “Bat first”. Coin tossed, again the natural order fell into place as the lucky Euro fell true. “We’ll bowl” announced Skip, the changing room incredibly did not seem as pleased as Skip, what a fickle lot.

The two MS openers took to their task with relish particularly off Toobes’ bowling and in no time had progressed to 70 for no loss off not very many overs. A bowling change was required, welcome Asad coming on for Toobes. Hasan continued from the Nags Head end and immediately got the breakthrough as the MS opener was bowled, next ball the MS number three was then dispatched, unfortunately the hat trick was not forthcoming but things had taken a serious turn for the better.

Following Asad’s opening maiden his second over yielded the wicket of the other MS opener, a diving catch from the legend that is Tiger dispatched him to the clubhouse – the serious turn for the better had become even better.

Hasan was finally rested with fine figures of 9 overs for 39 with 2 wickets, it was Tiger time.

Following last week’s mean bowling display Tiger found the opposition a bit more resolute but still returned some great figures of 7 overs for 36 and 2 wickets, one a fine catch from wicket keeper Harris whose shout of “MINE” left all the Pelicans in no doubt as to whose ball it was as it shot some 150 feet into the sky, and the second wicket a fine ball that bamboozled and clean bowled the MS batsman.

Meanwhile Asad continued from the railway end and added to his tally with a plumb LBW , and returned figures of 8 overs for 29 runs with 2 wickets.

Bowling changes were called as Fairweather replaced Tiger and Van Dur Peanut took over for Asad, a like-for-like change.

It was during Adam’s bowling that we had our usual NVDP comedy moment, with the MS batsman slapping a 6 into the trees in front of the railway line. After many minutes of deliberation NVDP mentally worked out his approach as to how to retrieve the ball; he then put put this fine plan into action, which was executed perfectly and without a hitch; the Pelicans watching breathed easily, unfortunately whilst returning to the field of play looking more like Norman Wisdom, NVDP caught his boot on the fence and entered the Meadow horizontal to the grass.

There then followed what can only be described as Antipodean chunterings concerning “somebody else can go into the trees next time”. This next time happened rather sooner than all expected as 2 overs later another ball went over NVDPs head and clattered into the trees. Standing resolutely like the Rock of Gibraltar, Peanut refused to turn around and with hands on hips stood there, defiant, thoughts of Gallipoli, the Rainbow Warrior this Kiwi was not for turning. Unfortunately for Peanut the ball had indeed hit the trees and bounced to within 5 feet of NVDP so a rather bemused Pelican team did not quite see the significance of the defiance but enjoyed it all the same as the ball was returned to the bowler.

The inning was shortly wrapped up with some fine bowling from NVDP returning figures of 6 overs for 19 runs and 1 wicket and Adams 5 overs for 28 runs and 1 wicket.

MS all out 204. Tea time.

This week we had the Fairweather version of tea which soon had the MS players complaining about not being able to run around, welcome to the Pelicans 12th man. This fine display of sausages, potatoes and cake was duly dispatched and the Pelicans settled down to witness some fine stroke play and all out carnage from Asad and Clive Quagmire Nicholls.

Well that was the script, as can sometimes happen with Pelican innings the script can follow a different path to reality and this was one such day.

First back into the clubhouse came Clive, caught for 5 by the wicket keeper, ex Skip Livie strode out and strode back caught for 4 by the wicket keeper, Asad bored with proceedings returned back to the clubhouse for 8, and Ali too decided 3 would be as far as he wanted to go and offered up his wicket.

With things looking desparate Greg with his new fresh hamstring heard a sentence he never thought he would hear, “play your game and stay in”

At last free from the shackles of free scoring and quick runs Greg was allowed to wallow in his element, suffice it to say such freedom went to Greg’s head as he stood in his crease and then Flamingo like lifted his back leg up to allow the wicket keeper to make one of his easier stumpings.

Greg’s partner Bomber Harris meanwhile had taken to his task rather nicely and started slapping the ball all over the place, he was joined by Hasan, and then left Hasan. 52 for 6 wasn’t looking too clever.

Toobes joined Hasan, who actually looked like a proper batsman, leaving the wide balls, slapping the bad balls and blocking the good, words of encouragement between the two brought the game down to 6 overs left when Toobes dollied one up and was out.

Hasan now joined by Tiger and with 6 overs left marshalled the strike like a real pro and brought the Pelicans home to an unexpected draw. A truly fantastic man of the match display.

Drinks were taken with the oppo who were to a man a thoroughly nice bunch of blokes, and with the court sitting fines were delivered.

Lord Chief Justice NVDP taking the highest fine for general averageness in his attempt to scale a 2 foot fence and then a double flounce brought his total up to a round 5 pounds

Clive was second with £3.40 made up of misfield, dropped catch, etiquette and body noises. Giggedy Giggedy

The rest of us amateurs followed on from there.

Great day, great resolute result

Reports are intended to convey an entertaining picture of the day’s play. No disrespect is meant, but if on occasion we misjudge matters, please take it in the friendly and humorous spirit in which it is intended.

Sunday August 6th vs Winchmore Hill

Winchmore Hill 158-8 (Raghu Kankate 3-51)   Great Missenden Pelicans 159-0 (Asad 106*, Clive Nicholls 42*)

WON by 10 wickets

Man of the Match: Martin Christopher (Tiger)

Having finally said goodbye to rainy Sundays Winchmore Hill hosted the Pelicans at what must be one of the most beautiful grounds, after The Meadow that is.

Baaaaa Bang Baaaaa Bang, ah the sound of lambs to the slaughter.

Welcoming yet another Pelican legend back into the fold Tiger full of nostalgia and enthusiasm looked like he had never been away.

The Skipper made his way out to the wicket with the Winchmore Hill Skip, and with Clive’s words of wisdom ringing in his ears of “Bat first”, he duly lost the toss. Surprisingly Winchmore decided to bat first much to Clive’s annoyance.

As the teams headed out to do battle Adam and Skip took a bet, how long would it be until Clive said somebody would die on this wicket, in all fairness it didn’t look too bad so it would probably be sometime.

Up first Toobes steamed in, getting the ball to touch all of 35mph. Hasan opened from the other end, a touch faster than Toobes and dare I say slightly more accurate, Adam and Skip took first and second slip respectively. “Somebodys going to be killed on this wicket” muttered Clive who had been offered the wicket keeping duties – 8 minutes.

The bowling was tight from both ends and it didn’t take long for Toobes to take the first wicket which was caught expertly at first slip by Adam. Shortly after this Hasan from a cracking delivery sent the other opener packing, clean bowled.

First to finish his spell was Toobes who made way for Rags, first over: wicket! Up in the air and who was there to take the catch but none other than the legend that is Tiger.

Unfortunately this brought in the other Winchmore Hill bat who quite liked the idea of a bit of a tonk and with Fairweather taking over from Hasan it is fair to say that Rags and Adam suffered most at their hands. It was though amusing to see the look of indignation on Rags face as this young 14 year old carted him for 3 fours in one over.

Soon the world order was restored as first Rags saw the first batsman off with a fine catch by Hasan followed by his partner also going for the big hit and that being taken by Toobes. Rags finished with 3 for 51 off 8 overs.

Whilst Rags was being abused, Adam too took his fair share of punishment. Now there is an old cricket adage which is regularly used by old Skip that you don’t set your field for a bad ball. Whilst I agree with the sentiment from our Yoda lookalike I think there always is an exception to the rule and Adam is it. With the ball continuing to pepper the leg side of the crease the leg side was duly strengthened, and who should take the catch but Tiger?

This brought batsman number 7 out who next ball surprised by the one that pitched on the wicket and in line lobbed it straight back to Adam, a hat-rick beckoned.

Now I know that at this point it is customary to surround the batsman but fearing the possibility of somebody being killed on the wicket, the order of everybody take one pace forward only seemed sensible. A block by the batsman was a win-win for all.

With Adam finishing his spell and Rags also taking his leave, Niron and Tiger came in to twirl some magic and try and halt a steady run effort which was pushing beyond 130 with plenty of overs left.

Thankfully Tiger displaying all the giving of a Scotsman with all the generosity stripped out of him returned figures of 6 overs for only 8 runs, Niron also showing Yorkshire generosity returned excellent figures of 7 overs 1 for 23. That one wicket caught by, take a guess, the omnipresent Tiger.

Hasan finished with a two over cameo and Winchmore Hill returned to the clubhouse with 158 runs on the board.

Tea, a delightful affair, was taken and a batting order ready.

Opening for the Pelicans were Asad and Clive.

Now it is customary to regale you with stories of Pelican collapses, of run outs and other such mindless attempts to lose a game, but other than the running between the wicket by our two heroes which at times resembled two handicapped snails on Mogadon, Asad smashed 106 and Clive sweated and spitted his way to 42.

It was a truly heroic effort by the openers, with one Asad 6 which if it hadn’t hit the trees would have ended up just this side of the Meadow.

Special call out to the Iceman who sat stoically with his pads on to the bitter end, Sudocrem for the pad rash.

Asad Rehman Clive Nicholls 159 unbroken first wicket stand Great Missenden Pelicans vs Winchmore Hill

Reports are intended to convey an entertaining picture of the day’s play. No disrespect is meant, but if on occasion we misjudge matters, please take it in the friendly and humorous spirit in which it is intended.

Sunday July 30th vs Rickmansworth

Great Missenden Pelicans 219-5 (Kunaal Kankate 86, Asad Rehman 40)   Rickmansworth 101 (Raghu Kankate 4-11, James Walters 3-3, Gov Sankar 3-26)

WON by 118 runs

Following the sun cancelled match of last week and with a weather forecast somewhat similar, Skip put his faith in the Great Missenden micro climate and called the Pelis to arms.

Whether it was the humidity or some other atmospheric phenomena the opposing Skip called correctly and the Pelis were put in to bat, on what looked quite a nice wicket to bowl on, or as Clive would put it “Someone will die on this wicket”.

As Skip took in the fine array of manly specimens slowly changing into their whites, the inclusion of two Legends in the team must surely bode well for the Pelis. Yes Rickmansworth would face the wrath not only of Tickles, but also The Kerala Express, Mr Govind Sankar. Back for a bit of R and R from the frontline of husbandry. Oh yes Gov was now manly enough to tell Mrs Gov that he was playing cricket, this manliness was helped by the fact that she was in Belgium and was unaware of the fact that he wasn’t home.

Opening for the Pelis we had Asad and Kunaal. Kunaal quickly found his stride and after a few overs Asad found his too as a fine array of fours made it to the boundary. The spectators not only enjoyed some good old fashioned slogging they also wondered at the incredible running between the wickets, especially on the 5th and 6th ball of the overs, when let’s be honest Prof Hawkins would make more ground without the aid of his wheelchair as the strike beckoned.

This fun and games came to a close for Asad on 48, leaving Kunaal to carry on with his new partner Ali, who carried on where Asad had left off as he peppered the leg side boundary looking almost Toobyesque.

Ali contributed a fine 18 until he too succumbed to the bowling of Rickmansworth who had decided everybody in their team would get a bowl irrespective of whether they could or indeed could not throw a ball with a straight arm.

This did give us a wonderful moment of Asad who was umpiring, looking round to the clubhouse rather sheepishly at not giving a forth consecutive wide which had actually gone wider than the preceding three balls, indeed it was closer to the next wicket along than the stumps.

Next out to join Kunaal was Haimes, “what do you want me to do Skip?” inquired Haimes, “errrr whatever” was Skip’s concise instructions.

These Yoda-like words of wisdom were taken to heart as Haimes too found the Ricki bowling to his liking and decided the boundary needed a bit of ball treatment, meanwhile Kunaal have blasted past his fifty and was swishing, swatting, swacking towards another century.

Haimes at this point having scored about 15 or so decided his time was up and duly let JG in to continue the run fest, which in a more stylish way was what he did indeed.

The runs continued to flow and Kunaal edged ever closer to that century, unfortunately the sight of Tickles padded up put a bit of the wind up Kunaal as he knew that if JG was out fast singles would be the order of the day, he then holed out just in front of the pavilion having scored an excellent 86.

This then allowed Mrs Kankate to also leave the meadow having explained that she had done her time watching cricket when Kunaal was young. We took that to mean she couldn’t really be arsed with the rest of the game.

Striding out to the wicket with all the purpose of a Panzer division Tickles quickly got into his stride and indeed quick singles and slashed 4s became the order. With a comforting familiarity like old slippers we witnessed Greenwood and Tickler enjoy themselves for a few overs until Ticks one slash too many was his undoing.

Tea had been provided by Mr and Mrs Kankate though I suspect it was more Mrs K, but a mighty fine feast it was with a mixture of curry, sandwiches and cake, excellent.

With stomachs bulging, opening from the railway end was Toobes. Having put 215 on the board there were runs to play with, unfortunately after Toobes’s 4 overs there were not quite so many runs to play with as the Hashim Amla lookalike carted the ball to all four corners of Great Missenden. Toobes having tired the batsmen out at his end, it was up to Gov to mop up the supporting act to Hashim Amla which he did with aplomb, taking three excellent wickets, although Hashim was a bit confused by the Gov run up which in one ball was 10 paces and the next 3, the only difference was the number of paces as the reduced run up did not alter the speed with which the ball flew down the wicket.

Toobes having taken himself off before Hashim won the game for Ricki, Rags was duly handed the ball; as ever the Rags magic produced the goods as wickets continued to fall, but not Hashim.

With thoughts turning to Asad, Rags was asked if he would take the Nags Head end, a request to have a bowl at Hashim which he had not done so far was requested, three balls later Hashim was trudging back to the clubhouse and Rags was retiring on a 4 wicket haul, Niron called in to finish the job.

Haimes had followed on from where Gov had stopped and with pace and accuracy he too had enjoyed considerable success taking three wickets for as many runs.

Game over and out.

There were as usual some notable moments as the Meadow witnessed Tickles excellent form behind the wicket including a couple of catches.

There was also the usual comedy moments, as Asad for no apparent reason but mischief making shouted for Govi to throw it in hard, the command was accepted and in it came like a bullet to the wicket, and like a bullet past the wicket as nobody was neither expecting it nor indeed ready for it.

We also witnessed the usual Toobes comedy catching moment as getting confused by the pace of a looping dolly he initially ran backwards only to quickly run forwards and then finish this hapless effort with a dive that concluded a full five minutes before the ball actually hit the floor.

BUT moment of the day must go to Jalil who at first slip actually managed to get to a ball that had shot off Hashim’s bat at warp factor 8, having done the hard part of stopping it in its track he then pushed it up into the air, dived full length and just couldn’t hold on. It would have been the champagne moment.

Reports are intended to convey an entertaining picture of the day’s play. No disrespect is meant, but if on occasion we misjudge matters, please take it in the friendly and humorous spirit in which it is intended.

Sunday July 23rd vs Iffley Village


Reports are intended to convey an entertaining picture of the day’s play. No disrespect is meant, but if on occasion we misjudge matters, please take it in the friendly and humorous spirit in which it is intended.

No Match Report

Sunday July 16th vs Wendover

Wendover 76 all out (Richard Frank 4-16, John Greenwood 3-4)   Great Missenden Pelicans 80-0 (Asad Rehman 52*, Clive Nicholls 23*)

WON by 10 wickets

With the shout of ‘Wenger out’ Skip knew he had to get a positiver result for the home fans against Wendover, and what a result.

Fresh from victory at Northwood, and nursing bruised and ever so slightly misshaped Ging Gangs, Skip strode out to the crease with the Wendover Skipper and amazingly lost the toss. No harm done as the Wendover Skip elected to bat, obviously a strong batting performance was on the cards.

Opening for Wendover was our new friend Matt Surname, a friendly bit of banter prior to taking the field had taken place where Surname confirmed he knew what Toobes would be bowling and would bat accordingly. In true guest Peli fashion he then tucked this advice-to-himself in the box marked Trash and after 3 balls was caught by The Legend, guesting as wicketkeeper having done exactly what he said he would not.

Hasan quickly joined in with the bowling fun and clean bowled the other Wendover opener for 0. Toobes then got into his stride and flung down the usual dross which accounted for the number 3 batsman, expertly caught by The Legend. Further wickets continued to fall as Tooby was removed from the attack. Skip looked over at Niron who was pulsating with confidence anticipating Skipper’s next sentence, ‘Niron next over’; exploding with confidence Niron bellowed ‘Are you sure?’, he is such a tease.

Wickets continued to fall as Greenwood took to the mopping up task of the Wendover middle and lower order finishing on 7 overs 3 for 4 runs, Niron too chipping in with the odd wicket from his 11 overs.

The Pelis fielding was as brilliant as ever apart from the weak link of Asad who managed to drop a number of sitters, thankfully Jalil was close at hand to offer parental words of encouragement ‘You xxxxxx idiot catch it next time’ being such timely words of wisdom.

Tea was taken early as the final Wendover wicket fell at 4pm with a total of 76 on the score. Skip was confident but as had been shown at Northwood not overly so.

Tea was provided by Mr and Mrs Iceman, though watching how Mrs Ice took control of the situation I feel it was more a Mrs Ice thing. Suffice it to say sandwiches, cakes and fruit were of the highest quality and consequently dispatched to fine leg via gullet.

Opening for the Pelis strode Asad and Clive, Ali was padded up for his number 3 position and debutant Ronak number 4, looking magnificent in new kit.

With the Pelis no matter what the opposition score is you are generally guaranteed a bat if you’re in the top 5. Incredibly Asad and Clive dispatched the Wendover bowlers all over the ground and saw off the 77 to win in 12 overs, Asad hitting a 50. Apologies Ali and Ronak but it is not always like this.

A short report I know but I am struggling with things to say other than we departed the ground and headed to the Keys to join PG.

The Legend that is Tickles complained of sore legs, we had a couple of pints of Gay Pride and then Gregaldinio, Ticks, Tony, PG, and I made our way home.

‘Nuff said

Reports are intended to convey an entertaining picture of the day’s play. No disrespect is meant, but if on occasion we misjudge matters, please take it in the friendly and humorous spirit in which it is intended.

Monday July 10th vs Northwood

Northwood 112 all out (Asad Rehman 5-19, Josh Bailey 3-31)   Great Missenden Pelicans 116 for 9 (Kunaal Kankate 49*, Tony Harris 25)

WON by 1 wicket

You don’t need 500 runs in a day for an exciting match. Northwood and the Pelis slugged out 84 overs for just 228 runs. Probably not pretty for the spectators (of which there were a few), but it was exciting enough for those involved, as the Pelis grabbed defeat from the jaws of victory, and then grabbed victory back.

For those without the patience to read the entire match report, here’s a potted Haiku version:


“One hundred and twelve / Easy task made difficult / Kunaal steered us home”


More splendid tossing by Tooby saw Northwood invited to bat. Josh, bowing with customary accuracy and fire, soon had the young number 2 playing on. This brought to the wicket another young player of whom we were to see rather a lot. First as a clean-hitting batsman in an arc roughly from cover point to mid wicket, and later bowling unchanged for the entire Pelis innings. He looked dangerous, but smart fielding kept him more or less at bay, until he middled one straight back into Tooby’s goolies.

This proved his downfall – after an extended period on his knees, Tooby managed to complete his over before handing over to Hasan. Almost immediately, Hasan pushed one down the leg side and induced a nick, well taken by Tony. Encouraged, Hasan continued with a leg-side line for much of his spell, which kept the runs down, but with no further success.

Two of Northwood’s senior pros stuck about, but wickets fell often enough for Pelis to hope to keep them to a score in the low-100’s. Lunch was taken with 5 wickets down, for about 86.

The post-prandial Port seemed to ignite the Pelis as wickets clattered to Josh and Asad, who finished with a ‘fifer’. At 8 down, there was some discussion as to whether to take the foot off the gas; as it happened, it was just as well that no easy runs were offered. A lesson learnt perhaps.

112 didn’t seem an imposing target. Slightly surprisingly, Northwood opened with slow left-arm round. The reason was quite quickly evident as this young man (an Indian under-19 squad player, we understand, on loan for the day from Indian Gymkhana) bowled unchanged for 21 overs, with almost nothing loose offered throughout.

Clive fell LBW in the first over. Iceman opted to play the slow left-armer from the other end, and made temporary hay against the seamer. Until, that is, another young spinner was introduced at that end, who also bowled unchanged to the end.

26 for 2 soon became 38 for 5 as Livie and two Harrises (Mike and Matt Smalley) departed for a total of 4 runs. Asad immediately launched on the younger spinner, with 10 off an over, and hopes rose that our young batting stalwarts Kunaal (in since the 4th ball of the innings) and Asad would rapidly bring victory in sight. Tea was taken at 48-5.

Soon after, the Pelis’ plight started to look desperate as Asad departed without adding to his score, rapidly followed by Hasan. Kunaal remained at the crease, but with victory still some 60 runs away, he was running out of partners. Step forward our third Harris – Tony of that ilk- fresh from 47 not out at The Lee 24 hours earlier. Immediately he put to work his characteristic sweep/pull, with 5 boundaries in his 25. Pelis raced to 98 for 7, surely within sight of victory?

At this point something amazing happened. Tony middled the younger spinner to the left of a septuagenarian at point who took the most blinding catch. On such things matches turn, and Northwood scented blood. Two balls later Josh was back in the hutch – surely they almost had us?

By now, Kunaal was between a rock and a hard place. Having played 39 overs for just 35 runs, could Kunaal rely on number 11 Tooby to hang around while he tried to farm strike and eke out the last 15 runs? Or should he launch all-out assault on the opening spinner, with figures of 4-33 in 20 overs? Such was his faith in his skipper, that Kunaal took the all-out assault option. Two fours and a six, the latter hitting a car on the road outside the ground, suddenly brought the scores level.

To the skipper fell the honour of the winning hit – a shovel down leg side – leaving Kunaal on 49 not out. Surely the longest non-50 of his life!

And so to the fines court. The usual imposts were levied – low scores, ducks and averageness aplenty, and a couple of breaches of etiquette. A bit of a mystery, however, how Tooby managed to avoid a hefty fine for giving the opposing skipper a pep talk before the Pelis innings. Distinctly heard was “well, you know we could knock them off for 1 down, but we’re just as likely to be all out for 70”.

Stung by observations that last year’s team had left Northwood without sufficient conviviality, a hard core of Pelis including camp followers Nic and Butch, got stuck into the bar and bangers and mash. Wisely, the Prince of Wales was given a wide berth on the way home.

Reports are intended to convey an entertaining picture of the day’s play. No disrespect is meant, but if on occasion we misjudge matters, please take it in the friendly and humorous spirit in which it is intended.

Sunday July 9th vs The Lee

The Lee 298 for 6 (Asad Rehman 3-65)   Great Missenden Pelicans 223-7 (Alex Livie 63, Tony Harris 47*)

LOST by 75 runs

Toobey chose to field / Morgan scored a century / Poor match management

Reports are intended to convey an entertaining picture of the day’s play. No disrespect is meant, but if on occasion we misjudge matters, please take it in the friendly and humorous spirit in which it is intended.

No Match Report

Wednesday July 5th vs Stowe Templars

Stowe Templars 217 all out (Jamie Litherland 5-71, Asad Rehman 3-17)   Great Missenden Pelicans 162 all out (Abbas 48, Alex Livie 38)

LOST by 55 runs

Reports are intended to convey an entertaining picture of the day’s play. No disrespect is meant, but if on occasion we misjudge matters, please take it in the friendly and humorous spirit in which it is intended.

No Match Report

Sunday July 2nd vs Aston Rowant


With clear skies and temperatures rising the day looked perfect for a fine game of cricket against new opposition Aston Rowant. As the morning wore on the Pelis collected their cricket whites and gave wives and children longing kisses as they prepared to to engage in deeds of daring do, this would be a day for heroes and those Pelis knew it…

With nerves being stretched to breaking point car keys were turned and engines fired up, it was happening, we were going over the top.

BUT THEN a distant ringing broke the mid day birdsong. Attempting to contain raw emotions General PG with quivering voice uttered the following “They’ve just cancelled, its 12.30 and they have just cancelled, said they have a cup game and can’t raise a team and are sorry for any inconvenience”

“You’re bloody joking” screamed Captain Toobes, “we have sent the boys over the top they will be slaughtered”. “Do all you can” whispered PG, “it’s a lost cause but for the sake of the team just try”, the frustration was rising in PGs voice. “Never again will they do this to us” resignation resonating in his statesman tones.

“PG I’ll try, wish me Godspeed” Captain Toobes muttered, his face puce with anger. “I cant believe it, this is outrageous” he spoke quietly to himself as he fummbled for the iPhone6 he always carried around with him.

With ashen face Toobes looked at Mrs Toobes, she sensed foreboding hesitating before asking what the problem was, “They’ve cancelled, they’ve bloody cancelled at 12.30, I must tell the boys, it wil be lambs to the slaughter” his voice rising again in frustration.

“I’ll leave you to it”, she said, a look of terror spreading like a spring tide across her face.

“I will get the children out of the house, I think I can get them to Prestwood traction engine fair in time.”

“Do all you can” Toobes said, slumped over his iPhone6 looking far older than his 53 years. “I have sent out the text, it’s in the hands of God now”. He sat back and took a long drag on his cigarette, looking out into the distance, “God help The Lee next week” he whispered

Reports are intended to convey an entertaining picture of the day’s play. No disrespect is meant, but if on occasion we misjudge matters, please take it in the friendly and humorous spirit in which it is intended.

Sunday June 25th vs West Wycombe

Great Missenden Pelicans 267-6 (Kunaal Kankate 91, Asad Rehman 73*, Alex Livie 60)   West Wycombe 158-8 (Hasan Arif 5-16)


Obviously the Chiltern Crusaders are not related to to the Templars of Jerusalem as the thought of taking on the Pelis had them running faster than an Italian Infantry unit. Step forward West Wycombe for a return fixture, and possibly one for the future.

With a team brimming with talent, Skip met the opposition Captain on the Square and tossed for all he was worth. Victory once again left him with an obvious dilemma, what to do.

The look of surprise in the changing room at the decision to bat first was worth winning the toss in itself.

Step forward Clive and Asad to open, well step forward Clive, unfortunately Asad still working on student mean time had not turned up, Skip turned to Kankate K.

Proceedings got off somewhat swiftly as they always do with a Kankate at the crease as 4 followed 4, Clive opting for the more athletic combo of singles and fours. As is usually the case this tends to be a precursor for a wicket falling and it was no surprise that Clive elected to do the honours on 11. He was bowled by their opener whose run up I could only explain as incorporating a David Duckham sidestep, bizarre but true.

Taking over from Clive was Missenden’s answer to Chris Gayle, Grego stepped forward, looking to improve on his solid one from last week. Another solid one was added to the locker as Grego then made his way back to the Pavilion.

It is rare that a dismissal can be seen with both sadness and joy at the same time, but with ex Skip promising to perform a sex act on new Skip should Grego hit the ball over the clubhouse, there was a great sense of relief in new Skip (if that’s not the wrong way of putting it) as Grego entered the clubhouse.

The West Wycombe boys could sense something special happening, unfortunately at the wicket the Pelis now had Kankate K and Livie.

I wont bore you with the details but 4 followed 4 with a little sprinkle of a 6 as our Yorkshire Waldorf and Kankate Junior bludgeoned, blasted and bazookaaad the oppo bowling. Kunaal hit his 50 in what seemed 15 seconds followed by Livie not that long after.

With West Wycombe reeling Livie finally offered his wicket up having smashed 60, West Wycombe breathed easy as they saw Livie trudge back to the pavilion, the Pelis on the other hand were happy to see our opener Asad take to the wicket having finally peeled himself out of his bedding.

Not wishing to bore you but there continued what can only be termed Shock and Awe as in 4 seconds Asad raced to his fifty, meanwhile at the other end Kunaal finally was out for 91 having totally obliterated the opposition bowling, a magnificent performance.

Asad was joined by Manitee whose thoughts were more on tea than scoring as he to took his one and then returned to the clubhouse.

Step forward Hasan, no longer looking like a raisin but more a vibrant grape, plump and full of juice following his fasting.

A quick 10 which incorporated a 6 had the Pelis wistfully wishing for the more raisin variety of Hasan, never mind with a million on the score board and Rags making a cameo 3 the Pelis were in a rather strong position as they returned to the clubhouse Asad on 73 not out.

Tea an excellent affair was provided by Mrs Manitee. Having watched Mr Manitee twice now, I would say this is about as exciting as it gets for her.

With tummies full the Pelis took to the field, the aim simple, bowl out West Wycombe.

With Josh deciding to play cricket with his new friends, opening the bowling this week we had Toobes and the metronome himself Rags.

An amazing thing happened on this day: Rags did not get a wicket, granted he hardly gave any runs away but still incredibly no wicket. Frank who in the book was written down as Rank – they had obviously seen him before – took one wicket having just been edged for a 6.

With the opener and number 3 batsmen looking comfortable Toobes was taken off to be replaced by grape Hasan, second over number 3 batsmen bowled an absolute beauty that had him all over the place. With Rags replaced by Mayweather (thats what it says in the book) another wicket quickly fell as Toobes snaffled a dolly.

There then swiftly followed another bowled by Hasan who was steaming in like a man who been released from something that one would say was rather uncomfortable and possibly beige in colour.

With a bowling change at the Pavilion end, Niron came on to twirl his magic. First over, Missenden’s answer to Dynamo did just that as he bowled their number 6 and finallly returned figures of 6 overs 1 for 16.

At the other end, Asad, keen to demonstrate his new skill in bowling seam, flung down 2 overs of the most filthiest balls one could ever wish not to see. Indeed one of the boxes could not contain all the scorers marks as wide followed wide.

As an experiment, not one of the best.

Hasan returned to the attack as with 20 overs to go WW shut up shop and went for the draw.

Not much therefore to report other than Hasan continued his excellent bowling and eventually had figures of 14 overs 5 for 16 as WW blocked out and drew the game.

High point must be Hasan’s pretty plumb LBW shout being given not out and Rags shouting wide. The same player who then came into bat low down the order was then subject to a number of rising balls from Hasan which he took a bit of offence at, but we found funny.

The teams retired to the Cross Keys whilst Livie retired to watch some popular music on television. Yorkshire Jessie.

Again it must be said the West Wycombe team were a pleasure to chat to after the game as they provided a jug for the Pelis. Definitely a team we would happily play regularly.

Reports are intended to convey an entertaining picture of the day’s play. No disrespect is meant, but if on occasion we misjudge matters, please take it in the friendly and humorous spirit in which it is intended.

Sunday June 18th vs The Fiddlers

The Fiddlers 174 all out (Josh Bailey 4-43)   Great Missenden Pelicans 154 for 9 (Hasan Arif 57, Alex Livie 44)


On a day that was hotter than the centre of Mount Doom itself these well done Pelicans secured a draw against what has been an historically strong side.

With new Skip back into the Peli fold having spent last weekend with ‘his type of people’ he strode out to the wicket with the opposition Skipper and duly won the toss. In blistering heat that even a Tuareg nomad would find uncomfortable, Skip elected to bowl. Incredibly this choice was not met with the ringing endorsement expected, but the choice was made and out marched the Pelis hot sticky and slightly musky, well out marched 10 musky Pelis our 11th Peli smothered himself in fly spray that doubled up as deodorant.

Toobes and Mini Shadup Bails got into their slightly slower stride, and it was not long that mutterings of ‘mmmmmm they look handy’ could be heard as cut shots and cover drives were dispatched for 4.

It didn’t take long though for the first bit of controversy to take place as a run out appeal was turned down, with bat in the air and about 1 foot short the opener was considered safe, unbeflippinleavable.

With the Fiddlers score ticking along very nicely Josh got one to lift and come into the batsman who could only manage to glove it to Old Skip who was keeping wicket, this was shortly followed by opener number 2 again off Josh smashing the ball to Hasan who not only managed to keep hold of it taking a wonderful low catch, but in the process took off a scab from an earlier injury, no doubt cricket or indeed boxing related.

As two new batsman came to the wicket it didn’t take long for the Pelis to be heard muttering, these two look pretty handy as slashes, slogs and drives continued the impressive run rate. Eventually Toobes made a bit of an effort and finally took a wicket, as the slow ball took out the Monty Panasar lookalike, actually when I say took out I mean it nudged the wicket and bounced off just managing to dislodge the bails.

The Fiddlers’ answer to Tino Best came to the wicket and again looked like he could hit it, which in fairness he did right at Skips head. It will be claimed as a catch but really it was an attempt to deflect it away which somehow managed to stick.

Josh and Toobes were finally rested and on would have come Haimes, unfortunately the effort of lifting one leg in front of the other had shredded his calf in half and he took over umpiring duties from NVGBT. Therefore taking over for Toobes we had Asad, and for Josh, JG.

The run rate did as expected, slow down, Asad came close time and time again but his 5 overs were very economical; JG, in imperious JG form, took a couple of wickets for not many runs as he trundled up the hill.

With players beginning to wilt Asad was replaced by Hasan, who it’s fair to say. didnt have as much luck with the ball this week; JG continued his spell from the Nag’s Head End, eventually coming to an end to be replaced by Josh. Hasan whose bloodied trousers flapped in the hot thermals eventually was rested and Asad was brought back into the attack.

This resulted in an immediate wicket as did Josh’s return to the attack.

Eventually The Fiddlers finished all out 175.

Tea was provided by Laura and what an affair it was. A lot of everything, the Pelis’ 12th man.

With tummies full Asad and The Mighty Rollingson took to the wicket, with sound advice from Skip still ringing in Asad’s ears of “concentrate don’t slog” Asad duly ignored him and slogged the ball down Monty Panesar’s throat. Not exactly the start we wanted.

Greg this week decided to cut loose early and within 10 deliveries was off the mark.

Unfortunately new Greg then was out in the same fashion as Old Greg, quickly

Niron who had had a quiet day sauntered out to the crease in a way only The Nironomater can, preparing to unleash hell. Unfortunately Hell was out for lunch and Niron sauntered back.

With Ali already at the crease and looking quite comfortable he was joined by Harry, I know I said it at the time but this was the occasion ‘When Harry met Ali’, I thank you

The day was set for Harry Manatee. With children and wife watching Harry swished at every ball possible, unfortunately he was unable to connect with many of the swishes and with his children more interested in Peanut’s Vespa he too returned to the clubhouse.

It’s at times like this that Bonnie Tyler comes to mind, somebody who would prefer to be ‘Lost in France’, but in Skips mind ‘I need a hero’, step forward Old Skip.

Unfortunately Ali didn’t like the film reference of When Livie met Ali and decided to retire to the clubhouse.

JG also graced the wicket and looked like he had overdosed on Viagra or something as he smashed a ball for 6, unfortunately like many things in life it was over far too quickly and he too trudged back to the clubhouse.

Its at times like this that Skip’s mind thinks of M People and ‘Search for a Hero’, and we had one in the shape of the mighty Hasan. Fresh from dehydration, starvation and surrounded by death flies he strode out to join Livie.

With the score at not many for a lot Livie and Hasan went about the Fiddlers bowlers like something that hits a red piece of leather all over the place.

The run rate came down as boundary followed boundary, which bearing in mind Hasan was fasting was a pretty good strategy, unfortunately all good things come to an end and Old Skip holed out for 44, tragedy.

Tragedy quickly turned to comedy as Hasan was joined by Peanut. Peanut’s instructions, clear and precise, get Hasan on the strike, we can win this. Unfortunately the voices were louder than the instructions, and those voices deep within Peanut’s head said block.

The run rate crept up as Peanut then conspired to be out bringing Josh to the wicket, it was still on……just.

Unfortunately fate once again weaved its wicked way and Hasan having just got his 50 also went. A fantastic innings from our very own Pot Noodle.

Skip marched out to meet Josh, the instruction was clear, we are not losing. “What if” said Josh, “No” said Skip.

Two overs and it was a draw having scored 153, a great effort.

Judge Peanut sat to administer fines which will be posted up soon, my favourite being Greg for running like a cross between Boris Karloff playing Frankenstein and a Zombie…….epic

Reports are intended to convey an entertaining picture of the day’s play. No disrespect is meant, but if on occasion we misjudge matters, please take it in the friendly and humorous spirit in which it is intended.

Sunday June 11th vs Long Marston

Long Marston 173-9 (Asad Rehman 4-22)   Great Missenden Pelicans 144-4 (Asad Rehman 60*, Alex Livie 38)

WON by 6 wickets

Man of the Match: Asad

Roy Rogers had Trigger, Zorro had Tornado; Nick VDP had his Vespa. Riding over the horizon at speeds in excess of 30mph (but not above 45, as the engine cuts out – apparently), our Kiwi spluttered his way to Long Marston to swell our ranks to 11.

A new fixture for the Pelis to take in, after Old Minchendenians were struck down with a fear of leaving the confines of the M25. Their loss was our gain, as we turned up at a ground that plays host to Minor Counties Cricket. And you know you’re at a legit ground when the scoreboard – electric, obviously – had a slot reserved for Duckworth-Lewis Par Score.

There was no chance of DL coming into play on a fine summer’s day and with Skip absent due to a more pressing occasion (Polo, with his proper mates), it was left to Old Skip to take on the captain’s armband. After a run of winning tosses, you’ll not be surprised to learn that the toss was lost and out the Pelis trotted to field.

You often hear talk of “ooh, it’s an absolute road.” This deck resembled a piece of well-laid tarmac and the two Marston openers set about their task with relish; Pelicans were considering calling for a calculator to work out what we would be chasing after they’d batted for 40-odd overs.

But they’d miscalculated. Their scouting report had told them of an ageing Northerner chugging his way down a hill and bowling at speeds on a par with Nic’s Vespa. They’d been mugged off, as the Northern hero was at the Polo (with his proper mates) and we’d enlisted a man known as Haime. We know him as James Walters and he ripped out the Marston skipper with an absolute beauty and repeated the dose to the No. 3 one ball later. The field closed in hunting a hat-trick and a coat of varnish was all that stood between Haime and a Pelis hat-trick.

As the Marston skipper prowled the boundary in anger cursing his scouts for not doing their research, his opening partner set about repairing some of the damage. At a venue that was the equivalent of any county ground in terms of size, jaws were dropped in the crowd as Asad hurled one in from about 70 yards away, into the wind, that got to Tony a shade faster than Nic’s Vespa. There were no thoughts of any twos to that arm.

Adam didn’t consider throwing the ball, he simply thrust a leg in the way of anything that came his way – something he’s probably still regretting now after taking a flashing cut shot full on the side of the knee.

After an excellent spell that yielded no reward, Josh was replaced by Hasan who prised out a couple of Marston batsmen to keep the Pelis in the ascendency.

With Rags toiling away at the bottom end, the Pelis kept things extremely tight despite Marston sending in a child with greater batting skills than most Pelicans on show. The youngster played the Pelican medium pace with ease, so the ball was chucked to Asad who duly sent the youngster, and three of his mates, packing. What an absolute bully.

A superb bowling display was capped off by some excellence in the field – the highlight being Tony stumbling on an unorthodox technique of wicket-keeping catches on the run. Not once, but twice did he pull off that trick and it all helped the Pelis restrict Long Marston to 173 for 9.

Tea was taken and there was not a packet of Monster Claws or wafer-thin ham in sight (I think Minchendenians are off the menu, for ever) and it fuelled the Pelis for a run chase.

Asad didn’t need food to fuel him, he merely covered himself in half a can of deodorant before striding out to the crease. Must be a youth thing.

JG, in contrast, had not taken on enough fuel as he missed a straight one and was replaced at the crease by Bails.

Thoughts of quick ones and twos disappeared out of the window about two hours previous when the Magic Bullet came from the Texas School Book Depository, via the Grassy Knoll, and pinged him in the hamstring. The sight of Dave attempting to flick his first ball to leg and nearly fall over in the process did not bode well. He was put out of his misery one ball later as he lost his middle pole.

Prior to kick off Rags had told everyone who wanted to listen that he had a new bat. It was only right that we gave him a chance to unsheathe the weapon. Unfortunately, it meant he joined Asad at the crease and you would have to go a long way to find two more reluctant runners. On a ground roughly the size of Texas, it was a toxic cocktail of turning threes into twos and twos into ones.

But Rags wasn’t interested in ones and twos (and definitely not threes) and some lusty hitting took the Pelis towards the hundred mark before he departed.

Skip (Skip for the day, not current Skip as he was at the Polo with his proper mates) joined Asad at the crease and the young Rehman was forced into running. The score rattled along and the Pelis were on the brink of victory when Skip scooped one in the air and was promptly caught out by a 12-year-old.

It was an act of self sacrifice, honest, in order to allow Hasan to secure the red inker that pushed his average north of 110 as the Pelis chalked up another win.

For the record, VDP was faultless (we’ll gloss over one of the worst dives in cricket history) and the Vespa only broke down twice – that we know of.

Reports are intended to convey an entertaining picture of the day’s play. No disrespect is meant, but if on occasion we misjudge matters, please take it in the friendly and humorous spirit in which it is intended.

Sunday June 4th vs Lord Gnomes

Lord Gnomes 204-6   Great Missenden Pelicans 198-9 (Kunaal Kankate 100, Clive Nicholls 53)


Reports are intended to convey an entertaining picture of the day’s play. No disrespect is meant, but if on occasion we misjudge matters, please take it in the friendly and humorous spirit in which it is intended.

No Match Report

Sunday May 28th vs Wealdstone Corinthians

Wealdstone Corinthians 142 for 9    Great Missenden Pelicans 143 for 4 (David Bailey 63, Asad Rehman 30)

WON by 6 wickets

The big questions of the week were not the Tories’ lead slipping another rocket fired in North Korea or John Noakes dying, oh no, the big question was ‘How were the Pelis going to respond to the Hyde Heath defeat’….. I’ll tell you how, with a sodding big W thats how.

The omens looked poor after run machine and Pelis talisman Kunaal reported in with a broken body on Saturday, talk from the dressing room was more of the champagne lifestyle as befits the Georgie Best of Great Missenden Pelicans, but having tried most of Buckinghamshire Skip turned to Van Peanut to fill the last place.

On a blistering hot day the two Skippers went out to inspect the wicket. Using the Harris lucky 2 Euro tossing machine, yet another toss was won, further proof of the Skip being a magical tosser. In a heartbeat the opposition was put into bat. The delight of this decision was greeted surprisingly with dismay in the changing room as grumbles of ‘should have batted’ could be heard and also ‘Oooooooh shut that door’ but enough of Josh, the decision was taken and out we went.

Opening was the usual pairing of Toobes and Josh. Surprisingly this week there was a degree of symmetry in the bowling, with Toobes managing a degree of economy so far unseen this season. Josh continued as he has before returning figures of 7 overs 2 for 19, a particularly nice ball nipping back to remove the number 3 batsman. Toobes returned with figures of 6 overs 1 for 15. A platform had been set, bring forth Kankate and Peanut.

Showing the same form as weeks previous Kankate R bowled 8 overs to return figures of 2 for 20, really another day in the office for the Kankate bowling machine. The Wealdstone opener who was still at the crease – well I use that term very loosely as he took his guard what appeared to be 4 feet in front of the Umpire – had blocked his way to a low score, but was now sent to the clubhouse. His partner who had looked quite useful aged 63, was also sent back to the clubhouse by Rags with a particularly lovely ball that had him all over the place. Whoops of delight from Rags confirmed exactly how much he enjoyed it as he sent him trudging back from whence he came.

At the other end Peanut was using a slightly different technique to winkle out the batsmen. To some it’s variety, to others it’s inconsistency; whatever you may wish to call it, it yielded nothing but runs.

A lovely moment was watching Peanut, tongue sticking out, loosing his run up. Not an uncommon occurrence I hear you say for a bowler, but with a 2 step run up, let’s say unusual. Still Peanut battled on, bringing the opposition into the game until Skip removed him for fear of a first case of tongue burn at the Meadow.

Kankate continued his spell and Fairweather stepped in for Peanut, unfortunately it was not one of Adam’s best days at the office as he peppered second slip.

With the Wealdstone team edging past the hundred mark, two new bowlers were brought into the mix, namely Hasan and JG, maidens resumed as did wickets, Hasan taking two wickets, JG kept it tight from the other end, eventually tea was taken with the last two Wealdstone players still in.

Notable moments in the field came from Clive who had possibly taken a double dose of viagra by mistake as he covered the outfield like a rutting dear firing in balls to Tony with deadly accuracy. To every Ying there is a Yang in order to keep the cosmos in balance. Asad provided the Yang, one memorable occasion was watching him get slightly over excited as he fired a ball back to Tony. All looked fine, the ball was thrown back above the wickets, unfortunately it was about 20 feet above the wickets, and eventually came to stop at the other end of the field nestled against the boundary fence. It may not have got there if Rags had been backing up, unfortunately he was deep in conversation with the opposition’s umpire wanting to know his secret to long life.

Tea was taken, provided by Bailey D, a delicious affair incorporating a flock of chickens, not good if you’re a chicken but excellent if you’re a Pelican.

The Pelis took to the field requiring 143 to win, opening was Nicholls and JG. Returning to the clubhouse shortly after going out was Nicholls and JG, having set a solid base of 7. Murmurings in the club house of collapse could be heard as Bailey D made his way out to the wicket, unfair I know, but Bails had not exactly instilled confidence with his season so far. It did not go unnoticed to the watching crowd when Bails left his first ball, a cheer following this successful leave. This was followed by a 4 to get Bails off the mark. Asad at the other end started with a 3, immediately our score was doubled.

Still there was a slight unease in the air but this was completely misplaced as Bails and Asad went about the Wealdstone bowlers like dolphins around a sardine bait ball. Bails hit 4 after 4 and in no time flew past 50, Asad looked equally comfortable as he eased his way through the twenties.

Eventually all good things come to an end and on 63 Bails miscued and was caught mid wicket, Asad at the other end was getting more and more impatient and eventually was bowled by a 90-year-old for 30. A fine performance from Bailey and Rehman.

Following on were Hasan and Harris, who brought the game home with 12 overs to spare with a mixture of 4s and well-run singles. Hasan recorded 24 not out and Harris 7 not out, which complemented the excellent wicket keeping display we had witnessed.

The team retired to the Keys for Lord Chief Justice Peanut to administer fines which will be posted on the website.

Reports are intended to convey an entertaining picture of the day’s play. No disrespect is meant, but if on occasion we misjudge matters, please take it in the friendly and humorous spirit in which it is intended.

Sunday May 21st vs Hyde Heath

Hyde Heath 152 all out (Hasan Arif 4-37, Raghu Kankate 3-32)    Great Missenden Pelicans 117 (Alex Livie 39, Hasan Arif 35, Extras 26)

LOST by 35 runs

As Nick Berry so perfectly put it: But suddenly we seemed to stop and lose our way, but did it really matter anyway, for that was yesterday, and we must live for now, Every loser wins…………

Having suffered torrential rain the day before the wicket looked in surprisingly good form as the two skippers went out for the toss, another victory for the Pelis on the tossing front meant bowling was the order of the day.

Josh and Toobes opened up, to save time please read earlier match reports, Josh 9 overs, accurate one wicket, Toobes 7 overs, not so accurate, no wickets.

Hasan and Rags took over and again I am tempted to refer you to earlier reports, such was the consistency. Hasan immediately taking a wicket followed by a further 3 eventually returning figures of 9 overs 4 for 37, Rags as before bowled with the usual accuracy and returned figures of 11 over 3 for 32.

The Hyde Heath opener after surviving a couple of scares batted well for his 60 as he slowly ran out of partners, The Pelis just keeping their noses in front and restricting the run rate rather nicely.

Special shout out this week goes to our catching and in particularly Gregaldinio.

I don’t think I am speaking out of turn but when the HH bat lofted a ball over to our Brazilian magician and by that I mean Greg and not some front lady garden topiary there was not a lot of confidence in the air, BUT such lack of confidence was shown to be ridiculously misplaced as those claw like hands pocketed said ball and the look of horror on Greg’s face changed to one of sublime happiness or relief, I couldn’t really tell.

If that wasn’t enough our minor counties Brazilian cricket god then took to show boating and did the same again but this time with a ball that for a short while disappeared into the clouds such was the height.

The innings was brought to a close with an excellent spell from Haimes whose 5 overs yielded one wicket with only 15 runs taken off him.

HH all out 152, tricky but surely within reach.

Tea was this week provided by our resident Aussie Van Dur Peanut, and what a superb effort it was. Never has there been a finer display of burgers, falafel, brioche, scones, ginger crunch and Anzac biscuits. A standard has been set.

Following this feast it was down to Kankate K and Bailey D to lead us home and commence the run in to victory, that was how I had pictured things, unfortunately Bailey D had a slightly different script in his head which included leaving a ball and watching it hit his wicket, an interesting approach to batting, or shall we call it standing and watching. Kankate K in his usual form decided that hanging around was for Jessies and decided to slash his way out of any possible trouble, unfortunately a low one had him done for LBW for 2.

The script needed rewriting, thankfully we had Gregaldinio in a good place following his fielding exploits, confidence sky high. His confidence was slightly lower back in the changing room after being run out for 2.

The wickets of Harris, after a mighty 6 and Kankate R soon followed and the Pelis were looking down the barrel of a very large supergun called defeat.

Cometh the hour cometh the men, Alex and Hasan who between them batted with authority and skill, guiding the Pelis ever onwards to what was increasingly looking like a victory. Unfortunately on 39 Alex holed out and then 3 LBW s in a row brought the Pelis day to a close on 117, with Hasan still there.

Defeated the Pelis did what the Pelis do best and took to the fines committee and Lord Chief Justice Van Dur Peanut.

Reports are intended to convey an entertaining picture of the day’s play. No disrespect is meant, but if on occasion we misjudge matters, please take it in the friendly and humorous spirit in which it is intended.

Sunday May 14th vs Monks Risborough

Monks Risborough 105 all out (Josh Bailey 4-19, John Greenwood 4-27)   Great Missenden Pelicans 106 for 6 (Alex Livie 33, Clive Nicholls 26)

Won by 4 wickets

Man of the Match: Josh

WWWW not a stuttering Elmer Fudd trying to say Risborough oh no, just another tick in the box marked win.

With yet another no show it was down to PG to twirl those magic fingers and produce another team to replace Ibstone, Monks Risborough duly came forward and introduced us to their wicket

On first inspection such was the slope we were not sure whether to fit cricket boots or crampons, but with ex Skip Livie’s words ringing in new Skip’s ears “this makes our ground look like Lords” out he strode with purpose.

Amazingly the toss was won and Monks Risborough were asked to bat.

Opening the bowling was Missenden’s answer to Hinge and Brackett, Toobes and Mini Bails.

Taking the upward Himalaya slope was Toobes who this week decided to make a game of it and bowled his 8 overs for no wickets and 39 runs, or as Adam pointed out as there was one maiden in there, so 7 overs for 39 runs. There was nothing of note to say about this bowling spell only that Peanut’s lack of movement in the field resulted in Adam taking his place…………………………. nuf said.

Mini Bails again bowled with accuracy and pace but once again didn’t get the rewards – hold on this is last week’s and the week before’s template I am copying from – sorry, Mini Bails bowled with accuracy and pace and did get his just rewards, taking 4 wickets, but notably deciding not to take 5 in order to avoid the jug, disgraceful, Lord Chief Justice Peanut smiled.

Mini Bails’ spell of 8 overs 4 wickets for 19 runs was aided by some dynamic wicket keeping from our very own Roboharris.

It must be said that initially we thought that Bomber had decided to wear his especially springy gloves as the opener was dropped for 1, but no he was only playing with us as a rapid lifting ball was taken high up to his right one handed, a catch that APE Knott himself would have been proud of.

With 8 overs bowled apiece a change was required, step forward The Pelicans’ answer to Gilbert and George, Kankate and Greenwood.

The bowling remained tight with JG returning figures of 6 overs 27 runs for 4 wickets and Rags coming in with 6 overs 17 runs for 2 wickets.

Ph’tang Harris continued his catching masterclass taking 3 catches in total.

Special shout out to Adam who having taken over from Peanut himself gave a display that Shergar would have been proud such was the ground he covered……… by running that is.

The Monks Risborough innings was brought to a close with a total of 105 of which only 3 were extras, Lord Chief Justice Van Peanut looked on disapprovingly.

Tea it has to be said divided the Pelicans, personally I enjoyed the biryani. It was during tea that Rags opened up his office as a number of the Monks Risborough players came forward to confirm his surgery had indeed been successful.

With some stomachs filled, openers Nicholls and Rollingson made their way out to the wicket. Grego had agreed that he would give us a signal when he decided he was going to cut loose so that we would be aware of the moment. Unfortunately we would not see that signal as first ball Grego was dismissed LBW.

Haimes was next up, and after wise words of advice were offered by the Skipper of “dont slash at the ball” he did indeed rein in his natural exuberance, unfortunately this didn’t make much difference as he was caught for 0.

Thankfully some sense would be brought to the proceedings by Van Peanut, well it would have been, if he hadn’t been LBW for 0.

Step forward Adam Sherman Fairweather, unfortunately looking rather composed he was then caught for 2, Monks Risborough scented blood as Clive watched partners make guest appearances.

Next up Ex-Skip Livie, who after initial reluctance to don the pads resulting in a flounce and then a bowel movement made his way to the crease.

Nicholls and Livie then did what Nicholls and Livie do best, namely score runs with some elegant shots and some slashes, the Monks Risborough players started to wilt as 4 followed 4 and quick singles were taken.

Eventually Clive was bowled as one nipped back quite sharply, out went Bomber.

Livie soon followed Clive back to the clubhouse following yet another excellent batting display in what it’s fair to say were difficult pitch conditions, though his gutsy 33 and Clive’s 26 meant victory was in sight

Victory was finally sealed with a Kankate cameo 13 and Harris 5.

Back at the Keys His Lord Chief Justice Peanut dispensed fines, the largest of which, indeed of the season so far was Rags who turned up at Ibstone ready to play, Haimes also came in for a special fine for waving at a friend whilst umpiring with the bowler running in behind him.

Mini Bails was done for jug avoidance, as indeed was JG.

Reports are intended to convey an entertaining picture of the day’s play. No disrespect is meant, but if on occasion we misjudge matters, please take it in the friendly and humorous spirit in which it is intended.

Sunday May 7th vs West Wycombe

West Wycombe 157 all out (Hasan Arif 3-15, Raghu Kankate 3-27)   Great Missenden Pelicans 160-4 (Alex Livie 81* Hasan Arif 40*)

WON by 6 wickets

Man of the Match: Hasan

WWW.Pelicans, not some nasty late night website, oh no its only our last three games.

Following the Ballinger run away, PG came up trumps on the fixture exchange and dug out an old adversary namely West Wycombe CC. Once the fixture broke cover advice came flooding in thick and fast primarily regarding their ability to block out for possibly 40 overs, the seeds were sown.

Blue skies hung over Wycombe as the two Skippers made for the wicket to agree the format and toss the coin, timed game, tea 4.15, 20 overs from 5.45, Pelis won the toss, elected to bowl, what could go wrong?

The wicket was true and firm as Toobes and Josh opened the bowling, there is a bit of familiarity in what I will say next but Josh bowled with accuracy and speed for no wickets and very few runs, whilst Toobes bowled, took one wicket for a good few runs. Special shout out to Bailey D behind the wicket who proudly wore his prescription sunglasses, unfortunately they were not the glasses that aided catching, suffice it to say we will not mention the easy drop and the rapid change of eyewear after the event.

The WWCC number 3 looked a decent bat as he moved the ball around the pitch, this prompted a change in the bowling with Hasan replacing Toobes, and brought an almost immediate result as Bailey no longer looking like an extra from Miami Vice whipped the bails off the wicket cat-like as the number three batsman rocked forward lifting his heel above the crease.

Josh continued and completed his spell in the same vein and allowed Rags to take over.

Hasan continued to bowl well and completed his 6 overs with 3 wickets for 15 runs, Rags again in imperious form bowled 5 overs for 2 wickets.

WWCC were rocking on 65 for 6, action was needed, step forward Van Dur Peanut who managed to bring WWCC back into the game with a five-over spell the highlight of which was his constant re calibration of his 5-step run-up.

Having bowled himself to a standstill VDP was replaced by Haime in his opening game of the season, who bowled as if it was his 10th.

Adam provided support from the other end and again kept the bowling tight and returned figures of 5 overs for 1 wicket and 21 runs.

WWCC had now streaked past 130 but with 4.15 fast approaching thoughts were turning to tea, but wait a minute it was now 4.20 and still we played. Dark mutterings could be heard in the field. VDP stood and no matter how long he looked at his watch it still said 4.20.

The signal from the clubhouse came out to bat on. Fearing an open revolt a message needed to be sent, Rags who come on for a second spell and with his 7 overs had taken 3 wickets, was relieved of the ball as it was handed to Josh; similarly Haime stood down with figures of 5 overs for 1 wicket to make way for Hasan.

The declaration came at 4.30 after 44 overs had been bowled, there were clear skies above but the Pelis changing room were suffering from an occluded front.

Tea it has to be said was very good and the mood lightened as tummies were filled, Bailey D and Niron strode out to commence the fightback.

Bailey D strode back having been given out caught in the slips. His mood dark protesting his innocence as he trudged back to the clubhouse, history will add his name to a long list of those that have suffered a miscarriage of justice, The Birmingham Six, The Guildford 4, The West Wycombe 1. Fairweather QC summed up as follows: ‘He was out’

Bailey S replaced Bailey D, deciding the best form of defence was a slash and burn approach to batting as time after time the ball sailed up into the air and fell into the gaps, some of which were in-between the WWCC hands.

Niron looking cool and relaxed comfortably moved onto 5 and looked like he was playing himself in nicely. This obviously meant one thing, ball lobbed up Niron opted for the sweep shot, Niron bowled.

As he returned to the clubhouse Niron confirmed he wasn’t very good at the sweep shot.

Ex Skip Livie made his way to the crease to try and bring some normality to our batting, unfortunately Simon had played one slash to many and was caught by the keeper, 19 for 3 wasn’t looking too clever. Thankfully Haime made his way out and a double act with Aleks which had yielded fruit in the past was expected.

Unfortunately Haime’s memory of past deeds was a little hazy as slash followed slash and the inevitable bowling occurred, the Pelis were 25 for 4 and staring down the barrel of a gun.

Hasan joined Aleks, hopefully some form of respectability would ensue.

It’s fair to say that Aleks has had some fine innings but this was way up there. A batting display of the highest order as 4 followed 4 not just to the boundary but also by running between the wicket not once but twice, both without the need of a defibrillator

The 50 mark was soon passed with a sumptuous 4 and on he went eventually not out for 81.

Hasan with not as many 4s as Aleks batted again as well as all have seen, controlled and providing the support that was needed and bringing the victory home for the Pelis with a 40 not out, and forming a game changing partnership with Aleks.

A truly memorable display.

Beers were taken with WWCC all dark clouds having dispersed and the general feeling that they were a nice bunch of blokes that we would happily play again, oh how fickle we cricketers are.

The fines committee adjourned to the Keys and The Lord Chief Justice Peanut will deliver his fines accordingly.

Reports are intended to convey an entertaining picture of the day’s play. No disrespect is meant, but if on occasion we misjudge matters, please take it in the friendly and humorous spirit in which it is intended.

Sunday April 30th vs Little Marlow

Little Marlow 146 (NVDP 3-10, R Kankate 3-19)   Great Missenden Pelicans 149-2 (K Kankate 103*)

WON by 8 wickets

Man of the Match: Kunaal

The unbeaten run continues, it’s two now. Third Man of the Match award to Kunaal, whose batting average stands at a lofty 123.5.

With the possibility of rain the two Skippers went out to the crease and examined the wicket. Looking like Lords Toobes proved what a tosser he is as once again the coin landed correctly.

Litttle Marlow were put into bat and Toobes and Josh opened the bowling.

Continuing on from last week Josh bowled fast and accurate completing his 8 overs in this forty over game with figures of 8 for 24 with one wicket, that wicket being the opener who was finally extracted LBW. This had proved somewhat timely as the two openers had pushed on rather rapidly to 65, Toobes on the other hand felt it was more important to make a game of it and proceeded to be sprayed around the field with somewhat gay abandon.

Hasan had taken over from Toobes and after three overs he to had felt the wrath of the Little Marlow number two batsman, a change was needed, and that change was Asad. After explaining to Toobes his inability to bowl in his shirt he went to the clubhouse and returned in his spinning shirt. This shirt obviously was of the lucky variety as after 3 balls the now rampant number two was extracted after being bowled. His work done Asad was removed from the bowling with figures 1 for 1 off 1 and still wearing his lucky spinning shirt.

At the other end Rags was called up into the attack and immediately bowled out number 3 batsman; he followed Asad and was taken out of the attack after one over.

Adam took over from Rags and Niron stepped up to the plate with his usual confidence ‘You sure you want me?’ being his reply to ‘you’re up’.

Its fair to say that Niron wrapped them up with his 5 overs going for 5 runs, whilst Adam bought his 1 wicket with 28 runs, but an invaluable spell from both of them it was.

The scene was set for our very own Aussie, NVDPeanut to show all how it was done and with Rags returning to the attack both bowlers returned to the clubhouse with 3 wickets apiece for not many runs.

Now their innings would not be complete without mentioning a sight as yet not witnessed this year at the meadow, namely a flounce.

I will set the scene: Adam twirling one in, and Hasan, Niron and Josh fielding in a nice triangle mid wicket, square leg, mid on.

Ball bowled and with a lusty swipe up went the ball just below cloud level, Niron, Hasan, and Josh all ran to the ball, stopped and watched it land perfectly in the middle of this now very small triangle. ‘Shout for it’ screamed our very own Larry Grayson impersonator Tony Bomber Harris as he hissy fitted all the way to the other end of the wicket.

Tea was this week provided for by Niron – if it had been a film it would have been a Ben Hur epic, such was the quantity and quality, the nod to any vegetarians was in the bread that wrapped the assortment of meats.

With 147 runs needed for victory out strode Kunaal and Asad. It didn’t take either of our Asian Provocateurs to get into full smash mode as 4’s peppered the boundary. Looking comfortable at the crease, unfortunately Asad was done for with an easy LBW decision, and 21 runs to his name

Meanwhile Kunaal was joined at the wicket by Larry Harris, until he was bowled for 6 having attempted to remove his own spine on a number of occasions.

Kunaal was now joined by ex Skip Livie who with still 50 odd runs short of victory wanted to make more of his time at the wicket than last week where with one run needed he faced his one ball, which was a no ball giving us victory.

Kunaal’s counting was of the highest order as he retained the strike and continued to pepper not only the boundary but also the clubhouse roof and car park. A fifty partnership came with ex-Skip still having not registered a run.

Kunaal on the other hand smashed his final 4 and brought us home for victory, Alex still on 0, having faced as many balls as fingers on one hand of a Tyrannosaurus Rex. Which conveniently brings us to NVDPeanut and his signalling of 4 which was so narrow as for those in the clubhouse to question if indeed his arms were to the same proportion as said T Rex.

Reports are intended to convey an entertaining picture of the day’s play. No disrespect is meant, but if on occasion we misjudge matters, please take it in the friendly and humorous spirit in which it is intended.

Sunday April 23rd vs Fleet Street Strollers

Fleet Street Strollers 123 all out (A Fairweather 3-28)   Great Missenden Pelicans 124-3 (K Kankate 83)

WON by 7 wickets

Man of the Match: Kunaal

Following the game which we will never speak of again the Pelis finally roared into life and started their unbeaten run of one.

It is fair to say that the Fleet Street Strollers history at the Meadow is rather better than the Pelicans, in fact no team members could remember our last victory but the omens looked good as amazingly the Skipper won the toss with the lucky Euro. Electing to bowl first on an unseasonally firm wicket Toobes and Josh opened the bowling from their respective ends.

The bowling was tight with Josh carrying on from where he left off last week, fast and accurate. Toobes did not bowl as he did last week electing to go for slow but accurate as opposed to slow and cr@p.

It didn’t take long for the FSS number two batsman to be clean bowled by Toobes, a majestic sight somewhat let down by the sight of two less than majestic plastic flashing bails dropping off the stumps.

Out to the wicket came the FSS captain, a very useful bat who put 100 past us last season. Looking very comfortable a quick single was called for, under most other circumstances this would have been a safe run, unfortunately for the batsman after Nic had slowed the ball down Kunaal swooped in and with one stump to aim at ran out the FSS captain for 0.

Hasan entered the attack for Toobes and continued the tight bowling, Josh in his final over finally got his just rewards with a wicket and then was replaced by Adam.

Excellent bowling from the Pelis attack continued and wickets fell, special mention to Hasan for a catching display worthy of somebody young and capable as he held onto 3 catches.

With Hasan finally finishing his bowling spell it was down to Adam and VanDuuuur Peanut to draw the FSS innings to a close with yet more accurate bowling culminating in the FSS making just 123 runs.

Into play came the Pelis 12th man as chilli baked potatoes and bread rolls were offered for tea, filling everybody up nicely especially the FSS who were about to take to the field. Thank you Mr Bailey.

Opening for the Pelis, Nicholls and Kankate K set of at a brisk rate until Clive in what can only be described as a horrific shot off a worse ball managed to get himself caught. With much laughter in the clubhouse Clive trudged back muttering something about trees, balls, sight, sunshine, clouds, Trump, Brexit everything except what we all knew. It was a shi7e shot.

Asda / Asad strolled out and with last weeks innings still fresh in his memory elected not to try to knock the colour off the ball, unfortunately one that came in very low meant that unluckily Asad was out plum LBW.

Bails having woken from his pre batting slumber entered the field of dreams. This seems to have motivated Kunaal to get the game over in as short a period of time as possible, his fifty came and with the sound of clapping dying down he unleashed hell as sixes peppered the car park and clubhouse. Bails feeling a little left out got into the act and started also slapping fours and a six, this was uncharted territory for the Pelis V FSS.

Kunaal by this time was thoroughly enjoying himself and one reverse sweep to many finally had him out.

With one for victory Aleks quickly re tied his pads strode out took a leg bye and strode back.


Beers were taken with the oppo who as always were a thoroughly nice bunch of players.

Perfect end to a perfect day.

Reports are intended to convey an entertaining picture of the day’s play. No disrespect is meant, but if on occasion we misjudge matters, please take it in the friendly and humorous spirit in which it is intended.

Monday April 17th vs Nomads

Great Missenden Pelicans 136 all out ( K Kankate 61, A Rehman 26)   Nomads 138 for 3

LOST by 7 wickets

Man of the Match: Kunaal

Reports are intended to convey an entertaining picture of the day’s play. No disrespect is meant, but if on occasion we misjudge matters, please take it in the friendly and humorous spirit in which it is intended.

No Match Report