Great Missendens Pelicans 2018


Sunday 7th October vs Chiltern Crusaders


Reports are intended to convey an entertaining picture of the day’s play. No disrespect is meant, but if on occasion we misjudge matters, please take it in the friendly and humorous spirit in which it is intended.

No Match Report

Sunday September 30th vs Kensington

Kensington 199 for 8 (Asad Rehman 3-32)   Great Missenden Pelicans 200 for 6 (Asad Rehman 73, Clive Nicholls 47, Kunaal Kankate 41*)

WON by 4 wickets

Man of the Match: Asad

If you were to ask me what are the better odds, find a Dark Photon, or the Pelicans beating Kensington in a 40 over game, if I’m honest the photon would get it, well hold the front page because that pesky photon is still missing but a Pelly victory isn’t.

It was a beautiful autumnal morning and the meadow was looking sublime as we welcomed our city sophisticates Kensington, a pleasure as ever.

As Skip aimlessly wandered to the clubhouse Neeraj halted his ramble with a suggestion. ‘Toobes’ said Neeraj, ‘How is your team looking’, ‘yeeeeh alright; said Skip, ‘good good because we are quite strong and I thought if you’re happy of course a 40 over game would be fun’, ‘shit’ thought Toobes how do I save face and show confidence in my team, ‘ok thats fine by me’.

Skip carried on his wanderings muttering bollocks over and over again as the Kensington batting line up replayed over and over in his head.

With the toss won and the decision to bowl first taken Skip conveyed his confidence in the team by letting them in on the format, thankfully his look of apprehension was lost in the general melée of electing to bowl first.

Opening for the Pelicans we had the usual combination of Last of the Summer Wine meets In the Night Garden, Toobes and Hasan. The bowling from both openers proved tight as runs proved hard to find and very soon Hasan added to his tally as the opener was taken by Toobes, who ran from gully to point in order to make the catch, I should give special mention to Niron who was actually stood at point awaiting the ball, but a red misted Toobes on full charge who lets be honest has form in catching collisions was left to it.

With Hasan and Toobes removed after 5 overs the second combination of the Rolling Stones meets The Vamps, Rags and Asad.

After a quick change of tops, from fielding top to bowling top Asad was ready to unleash flight and guile, well that is what we expected, what we got was a first over of batting carnage as Asad was hit around the Meadow. ‘Thats ok Asad’ shouted Skip showing confidence in his twirling maestro, ‘bollocks’ muttered Skip to himself.

With Rags at the Nags Head End normality resumed as with metronomic regularity the ball was dropped on a length, runs continued to be hard to find for Kensington. Following his first over Asad returned and unleashed twirling fury, first bowling the Kensington number 2 and then claiming two more wickets both catches, one from Kunaal and another a stunning effort by Clive on the boundary which I don’t think anybody expected he would get to never mind hold.

There was of course one blemish in this spell of 8 overs 3 for 32 and that was Toobes at mid on steadying himself for a catch, ready to receive it and then watch it land 1 foot in front of him…..burk.

With Rags continuing his spell a quick discussion with Skip who wanted to take him off after 5 overs was brushed aside as nonsense, holding his ground like a feather in the wind Skip duly gave in and let Rags finish his 8 over spell, and what a decision it was as an absolute beauty of a ball removed the Kensington number 4 bat, he who had put on 60 in our game earlier in the season. Finally Rags’ 8 overs came to an end and the usual figures of 1 wicket for 27 were returned.

Our final pairing brought together Harry and Adam, bit more like Stan and Ollie.

Harry soon got into his stride and after a few balls that bounced more than once was soon finding line and length and indeed a bit of guile as one ball thoroughly bamboozled the Kensington number 6 and like a viper Swish Tony back from his sojourn in Stoke Mandeville (apparently looking for the ghost of Jimmy Savile) had those bails removed, nice to see him back.

Harry continued his spell and delivered 4 overs for 24 and 1 wicket, excellent.

With Adam’s and Harry’s spell complete Toobes and Hasan finished off their 8 overs, again Hasan was soon on it as a cracking ball took out the Kensington number 7 who had progressed to 40, he finished his 8 overs with 2 wickets for 39, Toobes also managed to buy a wicket as Asad duly took a catch and the Kensington innings came to a close.

Now Adam made the tea and a truly magnificent affair it was too, the Pelicans and Kensington were treated to vegetable curry, beef rendang, bombay potato and an assortment of cakes, it has got to be up there with the tea of the season if not a longer period of time. Suffice it to say Kensington and the Pelicans filled their boots.

Oh Adam’s bowling……nuff said.

With stomachs full the Pelicans were left with a score of 200 to win and opening up to hunt down this total was Asad and Clive, I don’t know how you would describe this combination as generally anything with Clive in tends to involve grooming, but hey it worked as a steady foundation was built. Onwards they went as Asad initially mis timing soon found his rhythm and started peppering the boundary, Clive too coming off the back of a couple of big scores looked in great form especially a fantastic cover drive that drew applause from the full house at the meadow, surely this time Clive would not fall short of a batting 50 or 100

There was a mighty 6 from Asad which brought up his 50 and rapturous applause from the clubhouse, the innings though did come to an end as he was finally caught for 73, a great foundation indeed. As so often happens 2 follows 1 and Clive prancing forward swished and played a straight one on, out for 47. Not 50 but with Asad a great start for the Pelicans.

With Kunaal at the crease we then witnessed a steady ebb and flow of partners, first Ali 4 and out then Niron 2 and out, then Hasan 0 and out. We then had the partnership everyone had paid their money to see: Kankate senior and Kankate junior, unfortunately the paying crowd were left slightly disappointed as with Rags on 3 Kunaal ran him out.

Thankfully Rags, though complaining, sacrificed his wicket and took one on the chin for the team, I am sure the journey home would be interesting opined nobody.

With Harry taking Rags’ place and the overs rapidly reducing Kensington brought back their opening bowler, needing 17 off 2 overs it is fair to say nails were being bitten in the clubhouse.

But never fear when a Kankate is here, Kunaal deciding attack was the best form of defence smashed two fours off the first two balls, after a quick single Harry too got into the attack mode and also smashed a 4, victory came on the next ball as two runs were taken.

What a fantastic game.

Thanks to Nico we then feasted with Kensington again, but this time with a Nico BBQ, beers provided for by our very own Gordon Ramsey, Adam.

What a great game of cricket with a great group of players providing a great result, if you’re a Pelican.

Man of the match as judged by Kensington……Asad, quite right.

A bottle of whisky was also given to Adam for tea of the century, who graciously offered it back to the club to be raffled.

Reports are intended to convey an entertaining picture of the day’s play. No disrespect is meant, but if on occasion we misjudge matters, please take it in the friendly and humorous spirit in which it is intended.

Sunday September 23rd vs Bovingdon

Match CANCELLED - waterlogged pitch

Reports are intended to convey an entertaining picture of the day’s play. No disrespect is meant, but if on occasion we misjudge matters, please take it in the friendly and humorous spirit in which it is intended.

No Match Report

Sunday September 16th vs Golden Age

Great Missenden Pelicans 248 for 3 dec (Simon Tickler 116*, Clive Nicholls 68*

WON by 76 runs

Man of the Match: Tickles

“What a day for cricket, we cant lose today”. Famous last words from Skip

With the toss unbelievably lost Skip heard those dreaded words from the Golden Age Skipper, “We’ll let you have a bat”. “Excellent” remarked Skip, his words lodging somewhere between the lingual tonsil and oesophagus.

With spirits high at such a decision Clive and Grego took to the crease in order to build a platform from which this mighty Pelican team could inflict a catastrophic victory on Golden Age. The plan was looking perfect as Grego first smashed one off the square for two and then edged one for 4, this is where the plan then went a little off piste as in true Keaton Jennings form Grego left one and watched his bails then fly up into the air.

Making a welcome return to the Meadow our number three bat was Bails, first ball as ever, getting his eye in was smashed for four, couple of balls later edged to the wicket keeper. Now it must be said there was a degree of sympathy for Bails here with the clubhouse expecting the appeal to be turned down as the ball sailed somewhere between nipples and tummy button without touching the ground, unfortunately the Pelican umpires were unmoved by a questioning look from Bails, who then turned and trudged back to the clubhouse. Two down and with less than 15 on the board Golden Age were sensing an early victory, step forward Storm Ali, who this time had dispensed with Calm Ali and instead sent out his alter ego Dool.

First ball 4, next ball 4 and so it went on as Dool took the Golden Age bowling to pieces in no time getting to 30, unfortunately like a Super Nova Dool burns brightly and quickly and as his mass falls back into the core we then witness a full on core collapse and Dool Ali is returning back to the clubhouse.

Never fear we still had Clive propping up the other end, this week he had decided there would be no repeat of the 97 not out.

With Ali departing the field enter The Dragon, or as he is known on the hairdressing circuit Wild Ginger, strutting out with his signature tune blasting (Louie Louie), Tickles made ready at the crease to unleash hell.

What followed was a smorgasbord of cricket shots that peppered the Meadow boundary, and in what seemed an instant Tickles raised his bat to salute the vast crowd that had gathered to acknowledge his 50. Clive meanwhile deciding not to repeat the mistake of Ley Hill calmly went about his scoring, eventually like Tickles reaching his 50.

Things did not slow down as Tickles continued this onslaught and again in a blink of an eye the bat was raised again to acknowledge a marvellous 100, Clive by now in the lower 70s was preparing himself to unleash his form of hell, unfortunately Clive’s unleashing hell looked very similar to Clive batting normally and Skip decided with 248 runs on the score board a declaration was in order.

It was an excellent display of batting nonetheless from Tickles and Clive, who held his end up, sumptuously caressed his balls, and left a mess in his wake.

Tea time was undertaken by a tea virgin, namely Grego, and what a tea it was as Grego went from virgin to tea slut in one afternoon. A cornucopia of sandwiches, sausages, quiche, and cakes soon had both teams purring in appreciation.

Following tea the Pelicans took to the field with Toobes and Hasan opening. It took only until Hasan’s second over to remove the opener for GA, a fine catch by Bails behind the stumps. Toobes similarly got into the act and managed to bowl out the other opener and the Golden Age number 3 bat. With 5 overs bowled by Toobes and Has, tight figures of 2 for 14 and 1 for 23 were recorded in the book.

Looking to change the bowling Skip brought that mercurial metronome that is Rags on at the Railway End and Mr Line and Length, JG at the Nags End.

Suffice it to say the run rate became even slower as after 5 overs Rags and JG recorded 0 for 20 and 1 for 12 respectively. JG’s wicket a lovely ball that had the GA bat all over the place. It was during this spell that the only GA bat who had so far stayed long enough at the crease set off for a suicidal run, only to be run out by Bails following a fine throw by Has.

Once again with bowlers to spare Skip called the changes and brought in the twirling swirling cumulonimbus that is Adam from the Nags End, and a young Toobes or Better Toobes as he was christened from the Railway End.

There was a fine symmetry in their bowling as both bowlers after 5 overs had 36 runs to their names with Adam though taking two wickets, a fine stumping by Bails whose speed was that of a striking Cobra, and a fine catch from Hasan out near the boundary.

Special mention to Better Toobes who bowled following a hiatus of 3 years and after an initial nervy first couple of overs then found his line and length and indeed should have had a couple of wickets if catches had gone to hand.

With the GA batsmen combining 4’s and defence Skip again mixed his bowling and brought back Rags and Hasan. Rags’ over yielded one run, Hasan on the other hand bowled as follows

1st ball 4
2nd ball 4
3rd ball 4
4th ball bowled
5th ball Caught Toobes
6th ball LBW

A hat-rick and victory. What a way to finish a game, mobbed by his team mates Hasan was clapped off the field by the thousands who had turned up to watch the game.

With the game over the two teams retired to The Nags Head (Luke 15, 11-32) where beers were drunk with the opposition who, as they were last year, were a thoroughly decent and lovely set of players who we will welcome back to the Meadow next year.

Reports are intended to convey an entertaining picture of the day’s play. No disrespect is meant, but if on occasion we misjudge matters, please take it in the friendly and humorous spirit in which it is intended.

Sunday September 9th vs Ley Hill

Great Missenden Pelicans 260 for 4 (Clive Nicholls 97*, Kunaal Kanate 93)   Ley Hill 143 for 7 (James Walters 4-37)


Man of the Match: James Walters

As Alastair Cook will confirm a boundary off overthrows is added to the batsman.

Sunday away to Ley Hill was a sunny day and a Pelicans team that had a rather strong batting line up, so it was with some surprise that the Pelicans on hearing that Skip had won the toss and elected to bat, duly padded up.

Opening for the Pelicans we had our answer to Marty McFy and Doc Brown namely Asad and Clive, a Hollywood power couple if ever there was one.

It didn’t take long for Asad to carry on where he had left off at Bledlow with the ball immediately exiting the ground and finding the boundary. Clive on the other hand played and missed and then missed and played, it was pretty obvious where the runs would come from.

That was until Asad played a shot so ugly it could have starred in a Panto, dragged the ball onto his own wickets, Skip didn’t see that coming. With Asad out for 20 and Clive still to get off the mark Kunaal stepped forward to continue where Asad had finished off, which he did.

Having woken up and decide to join in the batting fun Clive finally got off the mark with a single, meanwhile Kunaal had already made his intentions known with a 4. It seemed Greg of the week was only going in one direction.

Kunaal by now was hitting the boundary at will and it didn’t seem that long until he had reached his 50, Clive meanwhile was still faffing around in the mid teens, though if he did get a move on it probably wouldn’t make any difference as the game would be over before he got to a tasty score.

As the game progressed these two Pelicans really got into their stride and eventually Clive too hit his 50, Kunaal meanwhile had raced past 60, 70 was a blur, 80 was about red shift and 90 were into quantum physics, unfortunately 93 was as far as the dilithium crystals could push it and Kunaal was stumped and sent back to the clubhouse, but a great knock all the same.

Meanwhile cutting a figure like Miss Daisy, Clive carried on serenely, every now and then lifting his helmet and watering the wicket.

Ali had joined Clive and immediately went into 4 mode, this was followed by singles mode which was then followed by 4 mode and then out mode, for 14.

Greg then took up the challenge not to compete for Greg of the week and smashed a single off his first ball before getting carried away and being bowled 5th ball. Taking up the challenge of being the driver to our Miss Daisy we had Jalil and what can then only be called a typical Jalil innings a couple of singles and then 6s and 4s, an economy of running shall we say.

It was during this period that Clive having gone for the single then watched the ball thrown in and trickle off to the boundary for 4, now not knowing the law of the game I put it down as 4 byes, but hey it wouldn’t really matter. Anyway with the game coming to an end Jalil returned to the clubhouse not out 21, Clive returned not out including his over throws 97 not out, it would have been 98 if there had not been a short run ran but there you go, possibly should have hit those dot balls to begin with. Notwithstanding that it was still a mighty fine innings.

Tea was taken and in no time at all Toobes and Hasan were into the thick of it opening up for the Pelicans. With the opening over from the week before forgotten and not playing on Toobes mind thankfully he had Adam to remind him how sh*t he was .

6 overs of toil produced nothing for 15 runs, Hasan meanwhile like Toobes was getting it past the batsman but touching nothing until finally one went through to our new wicket keeper Asad. Using the non spring loaded gloves the ball remained to hand, first wicket down.

Taking over from Toobes Rags entered the field of play to bring a bit of guile to proceedings, meanwhile finishing off his spell Hasan took another wicket a catch from Ali no less, happy days, 8 overs 2 for 14.

With Hasan rested Haimes took over the attack and after a slow start suddenly proceeded to send down deliveries that had the Ley Hill players scurrying back to the clubhouse and the wickets were downed time and again. Indeed his spell produced 4 wickets all bowled for a total of 37 off ten overs, an unbelievable spell.

Meanwhile watching from the other end Rags was in his usual miserly form, now he has requested that I do not mention what happened in his second over but unfortunately for him I am not duty bound by the Hippocratic oath, so I will explain. Ball bowled to batsman, batsman hits it about 15 feet up into the air straight back to Rags, he then well to say sauntered would not do the word justice, it was more a slow amble towards the ball. Rags still had plenty of time to prepare himself to receive the ball, which he duly did, he then had the rest of the match and indeed the day to then explain how and indeed why he dropped it.

With Rags spell of 7 overs for 28 completed Adam was called upon to bring it home, 5 overs of twirling did indeed yield a wicket and truly great catch by Grego at mid wicket but even Adam’s twirly greatness could not entice more batsmen to hit out and the game drew to its obvious close, a draw.

A fine game, again everybody did their bit and Asad as wicket keeper, fantastic, a good day and nice team just as it should be.

Reports are intended to convey an entertaining picture of the day’s play. No disrespect is meant, but if on occasion we misjudge matters, please take it in the friendly and humorous spirit in which it is intended.

Sunday September 2nd vs Bledlow Village

Bledlow Village 231-6 (James Walters 3-41)   Great Missenden Pelicans 235-3 (Asad Rehman 98, Hasan Arif 49*)

WON by 7 wickets

Man of the Match: Asad

‘Dont fight a battle if you don’t gain anything by winning’ E Rommel

With a bit of history at Bledlow (sacrificial lambs) the Pelicans ventured to this picturesque ground ready to do battle once again.

With the temperatures once again rising Skip ventured out to the wicket and promptly won the toss and elected to bat, the format being 40 overs. As this decision was conveyed to the waiting team, Skip prepared himself for the congratulatory messages of another toss won…………..they never came.

Mindful of the anniversary of Gary Sobers’ 6 sixes, Toobes flew in at full throttle and watched the ball go past him at fuller throttle, this was witnessed a further 5 times as 21 was taken off the first over, even the beamer didn’t curtail the openers’ hitting.

From the other end Hasan showed more composure and skill as he restricted the opening batsmen for Bledlow to far less runs than Toobes had managed, lets be honest it would have been difficult to have gone for more. Indeed Has with a cracking ball bowled the slender of the two openers leaving the big hitting big fella still in the game.

With figures of a lot for nothing Toobes did the honourable thing and took himself off, calling for Asad to work a bit of twirling magic.

Has continued his full spell and finally was put out to grass with figures of 1 for 31 off 8 overs.

It was during this finishing spell that the Pelicans witnessed something that most had not seen since they were 10 years old, namely the the Oliver Hardy of the opening partnership retiring to let somebody else have a go. Didn’t we all feel good about ourselves. Thankfully some quotes by Rommel came to mind.

Taking over from Has we welcomed Tickler, looking just like his old self, but with a higher forehead. Thankfully with Toobes banished to the outer reaches of the field in disgrace, the run rate started to rapidly reduce, and indeed both Ticks and Asad shared a wicket each, but finally their spells came to an end, in a somewhat different manner, Ticks giving the universal sign of I’m finished by drawing a flat palm across his neck and Asad requesting more overs.

The torrent though had been held and Ticks had returned figures of 7 overs 1 for 27 and Asad 9 overs 1 for 34.

Step forward Adam who had declared he was feeling a bit bowly, on for Asad, no real difference their in stature and bowling, and Haimes on for Tickles.

Early in this spell to add insult to injury such was the impression given by the Pelicans team that the Bledlow number 3 bat elected to declare on 79, no doubt there would be Freddo bars at the end because we are all winners.

Adam in full bowly mood produced a fine spell of 6 overs for 33 runs, only being hit when he went for the faster ball, Haimes deciding that the only way to get wickets was by bowling people out took 3 wickets, all bowled, off 5 overs for 41 runs. a great performance from our final two bowling partnership.

Now to go back to the retiring Bledlow batsmen, it is possibly fair to say that the Pelicans didn’t exactly give any impression that they could indeed play cricket if catching was the yardstick to go by. If I am honest I can’t remember how many catches we dropped but there were some highlights. Nico on the boundary steadying himself as the ball came to him, he followed it like a pro, got himself in the perfect position, only it would have been perfect if it had been two feet in front of where he was standing.

Niron having a second stab at wicket keeping had obviously been watching his goalkeeping you tube videos as he successfully parried every shot that came off the bat, and Jalil who off Asad’s bowling was just sh**.

With the 40 overs bowled the Pelicans retired to the boisterous clubhouse for tea, which I am pleased to say was a very pleasant affair.

Skip prepared his batting order over a Victoria sponge cake and put out a request for a number 2, not in that sense, a batting number 2 to partner Asad, first hand up and having not bowled Nico was duly promoted, no doubt for a cameo role.

With Bledlow bringing in a large number of youngsters to bowl Asad feasted on the offerings given, Nico in his cameo role decided the best approach was to keep his powder dry and stab the ball through 4th slip position and gully.

Asad raced on in no time to his fifty whilst Nico blasted past 10 with only 6 overs gone, the Pelicans were ahead of the run rate.

With ever more younger bowlers coming on Asad continued to feast upon the offerings, whilst Nico nibbled in the form of missed swish shots and the odd stab between 4th slip and gully. The 100 partnership was soon celebrated with a jubilant fist pump from Nico, having contributed 16. With drinks taken Nico was reminded about the format we were playing and a draw was not possible, but this did not make any impression on our soporific Kiwi who continued his run fest of keeping up with the total overs bowled.

Unfortunately for Asad and indeed the Pelicans he was caught on 98, in all fairness he smashed the leather off the ball unfortunately it was to the opening batsman who had already demonstrated he could play a bit.

This left Nico still out there having put the crowd through 23 overs of narcolepsy.

Thankfully Hasan brought a bit of urgency into proceedings and demanded a quick three runs, with Nico in no fit state to do this again possibly for the rest of the season Has decided to run three off the next ball, lets be honest Nico was way out when he was run out. Our hero had seen off the Bledlow openers and to be honest most of the crowd for a Geoff Boycott approving 29 off 24 overs, Greg of the Week.

Ali replaced Nico and the crowd immediately came to life as night gowns were replaced by jeans and duvets put back in the clubhouse, a crisp 4 saw to that, unfortunately when things start looking up there is always a down with the Pelicans and so it was here as Hasan ran his second victim out.

Step forward Wild Ginger himself, Tickles who with Hasan significantly upped the run rate. This was helped greatly by Hasan who obviously had eaten 5 shredded wheat for breakfast launched a total of three 6s, and big ones they were. One actually landed in the car park behind the clubhouse on a car smashing its windscreen ten feet from Jalil’s, the Pelicans have never witnessed Jal move so quickly to see which car had been hit.

With two overs to go it was one of those mighty 6s that brought the victory for the Pelicans.

The Pelicans lined up to shake the Bledlow hands and I dont think any of us have witnessed 11 players so thoroughly not happy.

A great team effort from the Pelicans other than Toobes’ bowling.

Reports are intended to convey an entertaining picture of the day’s play. No disrespect is meant, but if on occasion we misjudge matters, please take it in the friendly and humorous spirit in which it is intended.

Sunday August 26th vs Widmer End

Match CANCELLED - rained off

Reports are intended to convey an entertaining picture of the day’s play. No disrespect is meant, but if on occasion we misjudge matters, please take it in the friendly and humorous spirit in which it is intended.

No Match Report

Sunday August 19th vs Old Elizabethans

Great Missenden Pelicans 217 for 4 (Asad Rehman 96, Hasan Arif 36*, Raghu Kankate 35)   Old Elizabethans 144 all out

WON by 73 runs

Man of the Match: Tooby (nominated by Greg for 2 world-class catches)

The worst words a Skipper can hear when talking to the opposition: “we are a bit of a weak side”. “Bo**ocks we’re going to lose” was my immediate thought.

After a gentlemen’s toss Great Missenden elected to bat against a new opposition and on a new ground within the M25 no less. Relegated to the second pitch as their first team were playing a cup game, the Pelicans made ready to face the best the Old Elizabethans could offer, which was primarily a team made up of 16 to 20 year olds. “Bo**ocks we’re going to lose” thought Skip as he surveyed the youthful opposition.

Taking up arms for the Pelicans we had Asad and Iceman, Asad who lets be fair had experienced a bit of a dip in form was raring to notch up a big score, Iceman was primed to unleash hell, which he did in the clubhouse having been LBW’d for 3, not the start Skip was looking for.

Following his recent vision once again Rags found himself elevated to the number 3 position and started his innings with a crisp 4. Asad too was finding the boundary with great regularity and in no time reached his 50 with very little drama.

Rags on 35 finally succumbed to one of the 17 year olds who had openly hoped that we would make a game of it, brave words indeed.

Asad was now joined by Ali who in true Ali form started his innings with a number of conservative singles, then mad Ali appeared and the boundary began to be peppered. Asad meanwhile decided that a bit of the Ali red mist was the order of the day and merrily skipped down the wicket, he then turned around as the wicket keeper merrily removed his bails – not the best of shots when on 96.

Hasan made his way out to the wicket and quite frankly if I didn’t know any better I would have sworn he had just inhaled a kilo of monkey dust as his first shot of the day was an almighty 6. Such was his desire to get on with it he was soon chasing Ali down, who on 31 swished once too often and was bowled by said youth who had hoped we would make a game of it.

Taking Ali’s place we had Mini Toobes himself Robert Frank, ready to do battle in the final 3 overs.

Hasan meanwhile onto his second kilo of monkey dust sent another ball over the boundary for 6 quickly followed by a couple of 4’s, in fact such was his desire to retain the strike that with the ball rolling towards the boundary a single was called for but declined from big 6 himself, a crescendo of boos followed as Robert made his way back to his crease.

With the 40 overs finally bowled Hasan returned to the clubhouse with 36 and Robert with 1 and the Pelicans on a very respectable 217

Now it’s fair to say that our forays into London town have been a somewhat disappointment when it comes to tea, who could ever forget Old Minchendenians, but I am pleased to say Old Elizabethans are made of much better stuff and put on an almost Pelicanesque feast.

With tummies filled the Pelicans opened up with Toobes and Hasan, unfortunately with the wind gusting in the same direction as the slope of the wicket Toobes’ first ball flew down the leg side leaving stand-in wicket keeper Niron watching it sail past him.

As is so often the case, such is the quality of Toobes’ bowling the second ball trapped the opener LBW, the Old Elizabethans were rocking.

Enter the young 17 year old who hoped we would make a game of it, actually he turned out to be quite a nice bat as well as bowler and in no time was sending the ball to the 4 corners of the pitch, unfortunately for him Toobes had him bowled for 12.

Hasan continued from his end and on a couple of occasions watched the ball go past the great wall of China that is Niron.

With Has and Toobes removed from the attack the able double act of Kankate and NVDP took over.

In no time at all NVDP had his first wicket removing the solid number 4 batsman who had accelerated the run rate somewhat, this was rapidly followed by his second wicket which was a caught and bowled. Did NVDP know anything about it, who knows, all we know is that a screamer of a shot flew at Mach 3.5 towards Nico’s shoulder and was only stopped on its flightpath by Nico’s left hand.

Rags then decided he too would make a bit of an effort and bowled the OE’s opening batsman, a crucial wicket as he had just hit his 50 and looked like a player that could curtail any thoughts of victory.

With Niron starting to wilt in the wicket keeping position his plaintive calls for respite were soon answered and Rags having finished his spell with 8 overs 3 for 23 took over the duties. Who could possibly fill those massive Raggy boots, there was only one Pelican manly enough, and he is called Grego. With his twirling looping high rise bombs Grego had the lower OE’s order all over the place and in no time had his first wicket, a nice caught and bowled. Nico had continued with his impressive spell and finally saw out his 8 overs with 3 for 46. Only one person was man enough to fill his shoes, the Pelicans answer to Jeff Dujon……………Niron.

Grego meanwhile well into his third over twirled another at the OE’s number 10 who swished, sent it up towards Mid Off and into the welcoming hands of Robert Frank. A fine catch, no doubt taught by his father.

With victory complete the Pelicans retired to the clubhouse and enjoyed a winning team beer.

A good day’s cricket made all the more entertaining by Niron behind the stumps whose plaintive shout of “No No No No No” to Asad as he was unleashing his arm sounded like Cleveland Brown falling out of his house in his bathtub. (Family Guy reference)

Reports are intended to convey an entertaining picture of the day’s play. No disrespect is meant, but if on occasion we misjudge matters, please take it in the friendly and humorous spirit in which it is intended.

Sunday August 12th vs Middleton Stoney

Match CANCELLED - waterlogged pitch

Reports are intended to convey an entertaining picture of the day’s play. No disrespect is meant, but if on occasion we misjudge matters, please take it in the friendly and humorous spirit in which it is intended.

No Match Report

Sunday August 5th vs Rickmansworth

Rickmansworth 138 all out (Raghu Kankate 3-5)   Great Middenden Pelicans 139-5 (Raghu Kankate 79*

WON by 5 wickets

Man of the Match: Rags

‘Robert’ said Skip, ‘today we bat first’.

With the hot sunshine replacing last week’s washout the Pelicans gathered at the Meadow ready to do battle against Rickmansworth’s finest. The dressing room was full of pleading Pelicans demanding some respite from the sun, Skip duly informed them that it was indeed his preference to bat first. The combined looks of incredulity were etched deep into Skip’s mind as he strolled out to the Meadow with the lucky…..hold on Tony having misplaced the lucky 2 Euro coin left Ticks to run out with a supposed even luckier £2 coin. What could go wrong?

Skip strolled back into the changing room ‘we’re bowling’, apparently due to Brexit the luck of the 2 euro has not been transferred to the pound.

Opening for the Pelicans we had Toobes and Hasan, and a fine opening it was with Toobes getting a brace and Has unluckily only 1 wicket, it should have been more.

On fielding duties the Pelicans had taken this activity up a gear led by Robert who not once but dived into the hedge whipping the ball back before it or his body made contact. Even Jalil, showing all the dexterity of a black belt Yoga Yoda, bent down twice to field the ball.

With Toobes and Has bowling 5 and 7 overs respectively it was down to crazy horse Tickler and our resident Aussie NVDP to take over the bowling honours.

Tickles deciding to use flight and menace opened up with a beamer, swiftly followed by a wide, and then the radar was activated as another miserly spell took hold.

NVDP similarly decided to get into the act and produced a fine spell of bowling, on a number of occasions though his 3 step run up proved a bit difficult to continue as the three steps were re-calibrated many times.

Ticks continued his spell with the usual gusto but unfortunately could not winkle out the Ricky batsmen who seemed to be getting smaller but still quite adept at hitting the ball off the square.

As Tickles was put out to grass Rags took over the bowling duties and produced a fine spell of 6 overs 9 runs 3 wickets. He also gave us the quote of the day as the Ricky number 5 batsman decided to smash him for 6 on his first delivery only to see it hit his wickets, “he didn’t respect the bowler” Rags informed the Pelis gathered around him.

With runs hard to come by, unfortunately for Ricky their highest scoring batsman decided on a quick single, unfortunately for him it went straight to Harry the Yorkshire grey who whipped the ball in and scored a direct hit and run out.

NVDP on again re counting his run up also entered into the wicket fest and bowled the Ricky number 6, Rags then took his next wicket, a fine catch from Swish Tony.

The innings was finished by NVDP who took his tally to two and Ricky all out for 135.

Tea today was a Rehman affair, it would be fair to say that Jalil possibly didn’t have much to do with it, so honours for a fantastic curry must go to Mrs Rehman and daughter Zahra. Excellent.

With stomachs full the Pelicans took to the batting with a renewed vigour, well actually the vigour was somewhat misplaced as first Harry aimed at an imaginary ball and was bowled and then Asad spooned an easy catch up to mid wicket. 12 for 2, what a start. Suddenly the 135 looked a rather large total.

Taking over for Harry we had Rags promoted up the order following a premonition whilst sleeping and for Asad in came Ali and then out went Ali bowled for 0. Skip looked on shaking his head, but with a strong batting line up surely the Pelis wouldn’t throw it away. In for Ali we had Swish Tony, unfortunately he actually received a peach of a ball which went away from the bat and took out middle, Skip shook his head.

Out to the middle Jalil strode, the wily pairing of Jalil and Rags were once again reacquainted and what a pairing it was, especially Rags as he swiftly pushed past 50.

Jalil too got into the act as 4 followed 4 and rapidly raced to 26 and Peli victory, only to finally fall with the Pelicans on 130.

Thankfully young Toobes was ready and manfully blocked his three deliveries anad left Rags to finish the game off with two lusty blows and victory.

An excellent result and the Pelis back on the carousel called victory.

Reports are intended to convey an entertaining picture of the day’s play. No disrespect is meant, but if on occasion we misjudge matters, please take it in the friendly and humorous spirit in which it is intended.

Sunday July 29th vs Winchmore Hill

Match cancelled - rained off during the longest heatwave in 42 years

Reports are intended to convey an entertaining picture of the day’s play. No disrespect is meant, but if on occasion we misjudge matters, please take it in the friendly and humorous spirit in which it is intended.

No Match Report

Sunday 22nd July vs Iffley Village

Iffley Village 129 all out (Richard Frank 5-19, Asad Rehman 4-20)   Great Missenden Pelicans 110 all out

LOST by 19 runs

Man of the Match: Toobey

Hotty Hotterson and Boily Boilerson were not available this Sunday but their cousin Roasty Roasterson was and it was in those rather warm conditions that the Pelicans gathered on the Meadow and welcomed Iffley Village to this green and pleasant land.

With the mantra ‘bat first’ ringing in Skip’s ears not only from the Pelicans but also W.G.Grace himself Skip wandered out won the toss and elected to bat, obviously.

Opening from the railway end we had Toobes and from the Nags Head End a debutant opener Haimes Walters no less.

With a beige wicket surrounded by a beige outfield and a ground as hard as an East End enforcer the wicket provided quite a number of surprises for the batting team. Toobes soon found a rhythm of sorts and peppered the area one nanometre outside the stumps but it was Haimes who notched up the first blood removing the opener with a lovely middle stump bowling.

It wasn’t long before Toobes also got into this wicket taking act and soon he bagged his first one of the day, in fact having done it once it seemed like the memory cells had been restored and he netted a further 4 wickets. Naturally he informed the team that this was down to 80 mph deliveries that were swinging and moving off the seam, or possibly a very very uneven bounce, suffice it to say Toobes and Haimes were soon removed and Asad and Rags continued the assault on the Iffley batsmen.

It didn’t take long for Asad to weave his usual magic and soon he had the wickets falling as Iffley fell the full force of his twirling magic, Rags at the Nags Head end played a more suppressing role with the odd shout for LBW, unfortunately rejected.

The Iffley Skipper deciding that attack was the best form of defence decided to have a go at the bowling, and skied a ball upwards and then downwards towards Haimes. With feet firmly planted, body adjusted he set himself for the inevitable catch, which landed in his hands and immediately escaped and landed by his feet. The Iffley Skipper taking full advantage of this small lapse pushed the score onwards.

With runs being taken Adam was given the instruction to get himself ready, oh yes the Pelicans were going to unleash the big guns, unfortunately Asad removed the number 11 batsman and Iffley’s inning came to an end on 129. Obviously not wishing to face Adam they had capitulated.

Tea was a glorious affair produced by our very own Swish Tony and his mother, a combination of salads, chicken and making its debut at a Pelicans tea, Paneer.

A fantastic offering.

With tea finished the opening Pelicans of Asad and Clive made their way out to the wicket. If ever a good start was needed this was it as our two most experienced batsmen they would be needed to lay a solid foundation. Unfortunately the building materials they seemed to have for these foundations was slime and funny putty as they were soon sent back to the clubhouse both caught whilst hitting dubious shots for a combined grand total of 5.

Thankfully some sense of normality was restored as Greg the White stood his ground and decided no ball should pass his bat. He also decided no ball should go any further than the wicket and so it took a good 10 overs until his first run was chalked up on the board. Niron on the other hand showing all the confidence of a turkey in the run up to Christmas started hitting the ball to the boundaries of the meadow and the runs slowly started to accumulate.

All good things come to an end and eventually Greg lost his wicket though at the same time won Greg of the week, Niron carried on until he to was pinged LBW. The new partnership of Adam and Swish lasted longer than Clive and Asad and in fact yielded more runs but at a pace Adam was unable to sustain and he too soon fell to the Iffley bowling. With a crisp four under his belt the next shot from Tony was a bit of a shocker and removed the middle stump.

Enter the Pelicans’ version of Waldorf and Statler, our very own Jalil and Rags, there would be no quick singles.

Taking to his task Jalil did what Jalil does best, hit the ball straight over the bowlers head, Rags similarly found the boundary, the total was getting close as the Pelicans motored past 100. It’s always when we look good that something goes wrong and so it came to pass as Rags was caught and sent back to the clubhouse just after Jalil had been floored by one that had risen a bit sharply.

Out to the wicket and making his debut for this season we had Ronak looking like a pro, well he did for one ball as he was unfortunately bowled on the second, but hopefully he will return and build on that.

There was a bit of a sad inevitability as Jalil then fell and last man Toobes went out and fared exactly the same as Ronak, out second ball. The Pelicans all out 110.

For such a low scoring match it had everything, even a VAR dismissal as the opposition umpire had managed to film an LBW shout whilst actually officiating, I am not sure our resident Umpire aficionado would have approved but it did provide much hilarity if not the correct result on further viewings in the pub.

It was a pleasure to welcome Iffley 10 thoroughly nice and entertaining individuals and Olly Ross. We most certainly look forward to seeing them back at the meadow next year and if we must Olly as well.

Reports are intended to convey an entertaining picture of the day’s play. No disrespect is meant, but if on occasion we misjudge matters, please take it in the friendly and humorous spirit in which it is intended.

Monday 16th July vs Northwood

Northwood 269-5   Great Missenden Pelicans 271-3 (Julian Swain 140*, Abbas Ilyas 62, Jamie Litherland 40*

WON by 7 wickets

Man of the Match: Julian Swain

With the sky the sunniest of blues and Northwood hosting the Pelicans nothing could go wrong.

9.24am a desparate text arrives from Josh Bailey “Nico the train has disappeared”, not the train is late or indeed cancelled, no it had simply disappeared, more than likely in a puff of Ali Bongo’s smoke, but with texts like that Skip knew the day may indeed be a bit more unusual.

With the team gathering at Northwood and still no sign of Josh or his invisible train Skip and the Northwood Skipper marched out for the toss. Once again the plaintive voices of “Skip its boiling, can we bat first?” somehow got lost in translation as Skip with a smile as wide as the Panama canal strode back into the changing room and announced the Pelicans were bowling. Oh how the team rejoiced.

Opening up for the Pelicans we had Toobes and Vish, (standing in for Josh who finally appeared in a puff of magic smoke out of Nico’s car), the bowling was tight with both bowlers close on a number of occasions but without luck especially Vish who saw Julian drop lets be honest a relatively straight forward catch at gulley. Thankfully Julian being the cricketer he is would put that drop to one side and no doubt catch the next one.

With Toobes and Vish replaced by the now visible Josh and Asad respectively the first wicket soon fell to Josh caught by Hasan, meanwhile the Barbados opener had taken a bit of a liking to the bowling and was cutting loose, until Asad tempted him and the ball was lobbed up thankfully to Julian who this time had an even easier catch to take than before, steadying himself he stood to receive the ball and promptly dropped it.

With Asad going through his full repetoire of skills it was not long until he finally got his wicket. I would like to say it was a peach of a ball that turned 180 degrees and had the batsman all over the place, it was in fact a lobbed pie that only stopped going in a straight line once it hit the wickets half way up, embarrassingly. Asad took his plaudits and stick from a bemused Pelican team. The Barbados opener equally bemused trudged off with 71 to his name.

With Hasan replacing Josh (9 0vers 1 for 62) after a fine spell, another wicket soon fell to Has which brought out the Northwood pro from India. It’s fair to say he looked rather useful as he went about his job with some gusto at one point hoisting Asad for ever further 6s out of the ground. Hasan and Asad took the Pelicans to a well needed lunch and some respite from the sun.

Following lunch Hasan finished off his spell returning very respectable figures of 8 overs 1 for 47 and made way for Jamie who as usual bowled a very tight line and length.

With the afternoon lengthening and players wilting the prospect of tea had never been so anticipated, unfortunately Northwood had decided to dispense with such formality and continued batting and batting and batting.

Such was the discontent from the Pelicans that when drinks were offered Vishal produced the mightiest of flounces and like a naughty schoolboy refused the refreshments and sulked in the changing room. It took the offer of some form of pleasure from Skip to draw Vish back out and onto the field of play.

Thankfully with 269 on the board and 57 overs bowled Northwood declared with their overseas pro not out on 118 and the Pelicans somewhat tired.

After a quick turnaround Asad and Julian started the Pelican fightback, careful mathematics suggested that we would face about 45 overs, the mood darkened.

Looking comfortable and confident Asad faced the Barbadian player, slotted him for 4 and was bowled. Skip’s mood darkened.

Step forward Clive, four runs later step back Clive, Skip’s mood was troubled.

Out to the wicket sauntered Abbas with the Pelicans staring at a not so handy scoreboard of 2 for 34 off 7 overs, the Pelicans mood was despondent.

Such despondence started to give way to elements of joy as both Julian and Abbas took to the Northwood bowling with a vigour witnessed only in a viagra crazed brothel. 4s and 6s were smashed all around the ground as the score rapidly flew past a hundred. It had become apparent why Northwood had batted so long as Julian and Abbas piled on the runs only for Abbas to fall on 62 with the score on 187, a fantastic knock only surpassed by Julian who with a face as red as a tomato under the sun passed his 100.

It was down to Jamie and Julian to carry on the attack as the Pelicans mood aided by a number of pints drunk from the players still to bat started the chant of ‘its coming home’.

And attack they did finally surpassing the Northwood score after only 36 overs, Jamie on 40 not out and Julian on a magnificent 140 not out……unbelievable.

Reports are intended to convey an entertaining picture of the day’s play. No disrespect is meant, but if on occasion we misjudge matters, please take it in the friendly and humorous spirit in which it is intended.

Sunday 15th July vs Wendover

Match cancelled

Unaccountably, and despite England’s defeat at the semi-final stage, the feeling was that the World Cup Final would be a deterrent to players turning out for Wendover or the Pelis.

Reports are intended to convey an entertaining picture of the day’s play. No disrespect is meant, but if on occasion we misjudge matters, please take it in the friendly and humorous spirit in which it is intended.

No Match Report

Sunday 8th July vs The Lee

The Lee 215 for 9 (Asad Rehman 4 for 25, Josh Bailey 3 for 44)  Great Missenden Pelicans 162 for 7 (Josh Bailey 32, Jalil Rehman 25*)


Man of the Match: Josh

“We bowled only because our leader [Adam] lost the toss not because he hates us” opined Nico after another afternoon on the sun-baked Paradise that is Nags Head Meadow.

The Pelis kicked off with an unlikely opening combo. Taking the cherry from the top end, Nico immediately complained that it was slippier than a portion of Waitrose salmon, quite unlike the worn-out balls he is used to playing with.

From the bottom end, Josh was bowling thunderbolts, finding the edge almost at will but seeing the ball fly tantalisingly through the gaps.

On a baked outfield, The Lee made a rapid start, interrupted only by a nice catch, middled off Josh but straight to Kunaal in the covers. Safe to say this was the high point of Kunaal’s afternoon.

In no time The Lee was up to 80 for 1, at around 9 an over. And just as quickly, it seemed, they were 125 for 8. Josh took another couple, including a nice catch by Tony stretching forward to a gloved chance.

Asad removed the middle order with a quickfire four-for. Rags had declared himself off games via a morning WhatsApp, (“I have fever”), but appeared nonetheless, perhaps having spotted that bowling honours rival Hasan was not on the team sheet. Rags did for the opener when a 100 seemed to be beckoning.

At this stage Adam’s unbeaten record as Pelis skipper looked secure – a likely chase of 140-150, with Asad and Kunaal to open, what could be easier? In fact, let’s open up the game a bit…

So it was that Adam took off Asad – giving him just an over to achieve his five-for – and brought himself on. And we discovered that the young number 8 batsman could bat a bit. The only joy for the Pelicans (if it could be called ‘joy’) was the removal (note: not ‘dismissal’) of the young number 9. Like the ‘Mankad’ in 1947/48, the ‘Kankate’ is now written into infamy.

The Mankad: a run out of the non-striker by the bowler before bowling the ball if the non-striker leaves his crease too early; thought by some to be ungentlemanly, particularly if performed without a prior warning. (Origin: Vinoo Mankad running out Bill Brown on India’s 1947/48 tour of Australia.)

The Kankate: in which a father and son combo gangs up on a hapless youth, the son softening the youth up by hurling the ball into his gut from short cover, the father cleaning him up two balls later. Thought by some to be ungentlemanly but apparently not by skipper Adam ‘Douglas Jardine’ Fairweather, opining in The Keys afterwards with narrowed eyes: “It was fair enough, he was wandering out of his ground after every ball”. (Origin: Great Missenden Pelicans vs The Lee, July 8th 2018)

To be fair, Kunaal’s throw was obviously misdirected and The Lee, being the decent chaps they are, made nothing of it. Greg, having charged into the melée waving a card – is it red, is it yellow? neither, it’s his business card – withdrew disappointed. But there was a certain inevitability about the dismissal two balls later.

As it was, The Lee had the last laugh, the number 8 being dropped three times by Kunaal in making 67 not out, and propelling their total to 215 for 9.

More demanding than 140-150, but gettable assuming a strong start from the in-form Asad and last year’s batting hero Kunaal.

Half an hour later, Pelis were already regrouping as Asad, Kunaal and the less mission-critical Iceman were all back in the hutch. Greg joined Ali in the middle, to be told “we can only play for the draw, only run singles if they’re 100% certain”. The scorebook shows Ali true to his word: 21 comprising 5 boundaries and a single. In usual Ali form, just as he was moving through the gears, a full bunger on the box was adjudged to be right in front.

This brought Josh to the wicket, and confusion for Greg as he was told: “there’s no draw in the equation, we play to win, run everything.” Josh swung lustily for 32, and Greg joined in, with 18 including 4 boundaries, one teed off over long-on. “Where have you been all this time?” exclaimed Josh; “on the golf course” opined umpire Iceman.

Despite best efforts, the run rate climbed to improbable levels, and it was left to senior statesmen Rehman J and Kankate R to bring home the draw. Not that they simply blocked out – the boundary was regularly peppered, including a towering 6 over long-on from Jalil. Afterwards, Jalil expressed disappointment that he hadn’t quite timed it: “I really wanted to put one of those kids over the railway line” – looks like his corporate aggression is finding a new outlet.

So three successive Sunday draws, the last two salvaged from firmly behind the 8-ball. Not quite Bushmanesque, but we need to return to the winning groove.

Adam remains unbeaten as skipper, that’s the main thing…

Reports are intended to convey an entertaining picture of the day’s play. No disrespect is meant, but if on occasion we misjudge matters, please take it in the friendly and humorous spirit in which it is intended.

Wednesday 4th July vs Stowe Templars

Stowe Templars 282 for 6  Great Missenden Pelicans 221 all out (Asad Rehman 87, Simon Tickler 41)

LOST by 61 runs

Man of the Match: Asad

Reports are intended to convey an entertaining picture of the day’s play. No disrespect is meant, but if on occasion we misjudge matters, please take it in the friendly and humorous spirit in which it is intended.

No Match Report

Sunday 1st July vs Kensington

Kensington 260 for 4  Great Missenden Pelicans 140 for 5


Man of the Match: Ali

On a day that was hotter than Hotty Hotterson’s lava filled pants the Pelicans welcomed our old friends Kensington to the Meadow for a cricket extravaganza of the highest calibre….. kind of.

With a wicket the colour of straw and as hard as hell a new look Pelicans took to the field following the mass unavailability of our younger players, not to worry with Hugh and Rory making their Pelican debut all was well in the Peli camp.

The toss was duly won by Skip and with temperatures hitting 80 degrees the choice was obvious…..bowling.

With a changing room squarely behind the wise Skipper positions were taken and the opening partnership of Toobes and JG took to their task.

With some tight bowling it was JG who took the first wicket, a catch behind from our new wicket keeper Harry Kindle off a peach of a ball that had swing and movement off the wicket. We also had the usual comedy catching moments, this time primarily involving new boy Rory who managed to circle a high one off JG’s bowling only to run away from the ball at the crucial moment. Still with a restricted run rate and both JG and Toobes showing signs of the heat taking its toll, Rory and Nico were duly brought into the attack.

Its possibly not an overstatement to say that Rory’s first over was a bit random as wide followed wide followed beamer which struck the Kensington number 3 firmly on the head. Following a short break play resumed with Rory suddenly finding his line and length and eventually being rewarded with a wicket, a catch from would you believe it Niron – were the cricketing Gods having a laugh or were they going to shine approvingly on the Pelicans?

From the Nags Head end Nico was producing a spell of excellent bowling tying down Kensington and causing all sorts of problems. As drinks were taken play resumed or it nearly did, as Rory having bowled three balls suddenly started seeing stars and proceeded to take a rest in-between balls. With him dispatched to the clubhouse, Toobes took over to finish the over, and proceeded to miss his footing and send another beamer down to the Kensington number three, Skipper Rohan, who this time was able to avoid the ball.

With Nico continuing his fine spell Niron was brought into the attack. It was during this spell of bowling that Nico had his moment of controversy as an appeal was given for LBW which would have been correct had the Kensington player not actually smacked the ball into his pads, the appeal was withdrawn and Nico being ever the professional did not mention the incident again. With Adam ready to come into the attack Nico felt he had the Kensington batsman on the ropes and requested another over which he was duly given, unfortunately he was then carted all over the ground, he was taken off.

Niron who had started strongly then started feeling the heat as Kensington opened up, he did get a wicket but things were starting to look ominous especially as Adam and Toobes came on to finish off the bowling were similarly smacked to the four corners of the meadow.

Thankfully tea intervened in this carnage and a hot and bothered Pelican team took welcome refuge in the clubhouse surrounded by a Susan Greenwood tea, things had immediately taken a turn for the better.

With Kensington having posted a score of 260-odd it was down to our opening partnership to see off the Kensington openers and set a steady foundation for the rest of the team to attack from.

As all Peli followers know, such plans are invariably going to go wrong, it is just to what degree, well in this case it went spectacularly wrong as Grego, followed by JG our number three followed by Harry succumbed to the Kensington bowling. The Pelis were on 3 for 3 and our highest scorer was extras with 3.

Cue video montage, in the background power ballad specialist Bonnie Tyler singing “I need a hero”

Slow mo shots of Ali in the shower shaking the water of his head , strapping on cricket armour, feeling the willow and striding out to the wicket.

Yes the Pelicans needed a hero and thankfully Captain Aylesbury no less turned up and brought his A game, ably assisted to begin with by debutant Hugh who after a few defensive blocks started to strike the ball like a pro, this usually precedes a wicket and today was no different as Hugh was dismissed.

Cue video montage, in the background power ballad specialist M People singing “Search for a hero”

Slow mo shots of Jalil sweating in front of a punchbag, running up Coombe Hill, then striding out to the wicket.

Both Ali and Jalil were striking the ball most comfortably as the run rate rapidly disappeared into the distance, the collapse had been halted and clubhouse Pelicans were starting to breathe a bit easier, indeed with Ali sending the ball to the boundary with great regularity it looked like an Ali 50 was on the cards, unfortunately with Ali on 40 the cricket Gods deserted the Pelicans and Ali was dismissed.

Cue video montage, in the background power ballad specialist Joe Dolce singing “Shadupa your face”

Slo mo shots of Toobes hitting his head on the clubhouse shutters, tripping over a cricket ball, then striding out to the wicket.

With 16 overs still to play Jalil took charge of the game striking 4s and 6s looking like a man that had just retired from 29 years in the City and a Ferrari in the garage.

Toobes stood and admired and offered the odd encouraging word of “Bloody hell he is a bit rapid”

With 2 overs to go Jalil decided that sense should prevail and no more daft shots, cue two enormous swipes from Jalil one that was dropped and one that he completely missed.

Anyway with a score of 140 odd on the scoreboard the game was eventually drawn, what a result.

With the game over it was down to the usual BBQ and man of the match awards.

For the Pelicans Ali deservedly received his accolade, and for Kensington it was Rohan’s 60 who just edged the mighty hitting of the Kensington number 5 who smashed some truly massive 6s.

Once again and we say this every year, it was a pleasure to welcome Kensington to the Meadow, there is no surprise that we play them twice a year, long may it continue, though next year we want to see the new improved Arnie Schwarzenegger-esque Bobby Deol.

Reports are intended to convey an entertaining picture of the day’s play. No disrespect is meant, but if on occasion we misjudge matters, please take it in the friendly and humorous spirit in which it is intended.

Sunday June 24th vs LCR Harrow

Great Missenden Pelicans 192 for 6 (Asad Rehman 135*   LCR Harrow 164 for 9 (Hasan Arif 12-1-34-5 Richard Frank 7-4-20-3)


Man of the Match: Asad

With the England football team option being more tempting for West Wycombe the cricket exchange threw up the surprise package of LCR Harrow, and what a thoroughly delightful package it was.

With the sun shining brighter than Donny Osmond’s teeth the Meadow looked glorious as Skip armed with his lucky 2 Euro coin made his way out to the wicket, unfortunately it seems that the custodian of the lucky two Euro coin had indulged in a bit of over rubbing and said luck had indeed rubbed off, we were batting.

Opening for the Pelicans Asad and Iceman, two brothers separated at birth who only their mother could tell apart, thankfully for the scorer such confusion was short-lived as by his own admission ‘a straight one ‘ had Iceman LBW.

With the score on 33 for 1 we welcomed the latest in a long line of North Yorkshire brothers Harry Kendall, or as Nic pronounced it in his thick aussie brogue, Kindle.

Carrying on from his last games Asad was in sumptuous form dispatching the LCR bowling for many 4s all over the ground, Harry on the other hand decided that this debut needed a bit more thought as he played himself in, so good was his ability to play himself in there were murmurings of Greg of the Week.

Eventually with Asad dispatching ever more balls to the four corners of the Meadow Harry to decided open up and eventually he found the boundary. With Asad racing past his 50 and Harry on 18 the partnership had reached 102 when a caught and bowled did for Harry. Was it actually a caught and bowled or a bump ball everybody had their doubts, but the bowler quizzically appealed and the Umpire with a finger quicker than a Wild West gunslinger sent the unlucky debutant packing.

Ali who too has been in fine form marched out to take on the might of the LCR bowling, he too in true Ali style acquainted himself with the wicket and then went about his usual array of 4s and swishes, by 15 runs and one swish too many Ali was bowled, to be replaced by Swish Tony.

In all that swishing and fouring Asad had once again smashed his way through a hundred, again a magnificent performance, surely it could not get any better for the young Rehman.

Swish Tony with laughter still ringing in his ears took his guard and first ball swished a sweepy 4, unbelievable, ‘he should retire now’ was the comment of the clubhouse, unfortunately Tony seemed to have heard it and took it to heart as he was soon bowled for 4.

Jalil who now exuded an air of calmness and inner positivity found only in those who have retired strolled out to the wicket and strolled back having been caught for 0, Asad meanwhile continued with his personal run fest.

JG joined Asad, slapped a 4, ran a single and then made his way back to the clubhouse, Hasan whose batting has been in superb form was duly relegated to number 8 and scored one.

With tea ready the Pelicans retired to the clubhouse on 192 and Asad on 135 not out, again a fantastic innings.

A welcome sight in the clubhouse, a plethora of Greenwoods, tea would be of a quality, and it was.

Feeling somewhat weighed down by the fine fare the Pelicans took to the field as LCR proceeded to chase down the 193 needed to win.

Opening from the Railway End Toobes and from the Nags End, Hasan, in no time at all and with tight accurate bowling the openers were dispatched back to the clubhouse, an opening spell of 5 and 6 overs respectively yielded no further wickets but also not that many runs, time to bring in the big gun, Adam Fairweather, and the pistol, JG.

As Adam twirled and lobbed his way through his 6 overs JG after an interesting first over tied LCR down with some accurate bowling, unfortunately neither bowler could winkle out the LCR batsmen who were valiantly chasing down the Pelican total, we needed help from beyond the grave. Luckily for the Pelicans Casper the Caribbean ghost was on hand, or it could have been Niron who rather inappropriately white-faced himself up as protection against the sun.

The LCR number 4 batsman no doubt scared to death of this apparition duly coughed up his wicket as he was caught behind by Tony for 45, at last a wicket, Niron was ably partnered by Hasan, back for a second spell and also straight into the thick of it as catches began to stick.

Toobes also brought in for a last hurrah managed two more wickets, interspersed with an almighty 6 from the LCR number 8.

The game was eventually drawn with LCR on 164 for 9, a great effort from the visitors.

Highlight of the game has got to have been the catching, firstly Ali at square leg who took an absolute belter of a catch from a high ball, and then Asad whose day did indeed get better with an unbelievable catch that saw him run 20 yards stoop and pluck the ball 6 inches form the ground with one hand. Further catches though not as spectacular from Toobes, Hasan, JG and Iceman meant it was a near perfect day. Almost near perfect, we did witness the spectacle of a ball going between JG and Niron, which in all honesty was Niron’s ball to catch, well unfortunately with Niron’s feet cemented in ecto goo and unable to say anything the ball dropped to the ground unhindered by human hand.

It was a great game played with an opposition that were equally entertaining and all round good eggs, we would definitely play them again.

Last mention to Harry who demonstrated a fine grasp of the Pelican style of cricket, sledging is best done to your own team.

Reports are intended to convey an entertaining picture of the day’s play. No disrespect is meant, but if on occasion we misjudge matters, please take it in the friendly and humorous spirit in which it is intended.

Sunday June 10th vs Long Marston

Long Marston 229-6    Great Missenden Pelicans 233-2 (Asad Rehman 116 Hasan Arif 67*

WON by 8 wickets

Man of the Match: Asad and Hasan

“Well that was fun” opined nobody, but I am sure they soon will.

Again the sun shone and the day looked set for a fine day’s cricket as the Pelicans descended on Long Marston and a wicket that is fundamentally a road, ideal for batting but a bu@@er to bowl on.

With both Skips preferring the bowling start it was up to Toobes to win the toss and decide to bowl, much to his teams joy and happiness, well thats how he took the chorus of “oh for ***** sake”

Opening the Pelicans bowling we had the double act of Toobes and Hasan, wicket keeping a new face as cover for Swish we had NVDP who rather confidently had unprompted put his hand up to keep and announced he felt a bit catchy.

As feared the road that is Long Marston did indeed favour the batsmen and in no time under a relentless sun the Pelicans were scuttling all over the Long Marston ground, as for NVDP it appeared that he had in-fact borrowed the extra special spring loaded gloves and the ball had amazingly taken on the form of an eel covered in olive oil as one or two balls found themselves past the ever so slightly less catchy NVDP.

Thankfully Has had packed his catching hands and caught the rather useful opener, the number three batsman was then bowled and the Pelicans with tails up started thinking of an early visit to the pub.

With the opening bowlers initial spell finished Hasan had returned a some very tight bowling figures with no wickets and Toobes the same but with a couple of wickets.

NVDP the Alan Knott of space travel then handed the wicket keeping duties to Skip who promptly let the first one whistle under his body. The new bowling partnership of Kaz and Rags similarly found the wicket a batting paradise as anything slightly off line and length was dispatched for four. Kaz returning to the Pelicans after a two year sabbatical its fair to say took a few overs to find his line as the off side was peppered on a regular basis but find it he eventually did as a ball that did very little had the batsman swishing up in the air and the eventual safe hands of Adam in gulley.

Rags unfortunately had forgotten about his self promise to leave the spin bowling at home tried it a couple of times and then remembered his self promise and did indeed lock it away, a wicket soon fell and Long Marston were rocking on 111 for 5.

As is always the case there is always a BUT when we recount the cricket match and the idea of an early visit to the pub was put on hold as the new Long Marston bat ably assisted by a young chap of about circa 12 years old started going at the Pelican bowling.

Rags bowling out 11 overs had a succesion of partners from the oposite end, not only Kaz but also Yasser, who bowled the widest leg side ball ever seen, NVDP and Hasan for a second spell that amazingly yielded a catch to Toobes behind the wicket.

It was during this spell and the LM bat on 40 that a loopy high shot dropped right on top of Asad, caught day dreaming Asad promptly dropped the ball, hopefully it wouldn’t be too expensive but I gather you expect it was, and indeed not wishing to disappoint it was indeed as he went on to score 80 runs.

With Rags’ 11 overs finished for not to many runs (though I think the score book of 22 is wrong), Asad came in and managed a wicket which saw an end of the LM batting as they set a rather competent 230 to win.

Tea was actually very good and feeling full of sandwiches the Pelicans debated who should open, it became apparent pretty quickly that with Asad reluctantly putting his hand up there was indeed nobody else who wanted the honour, by this point Toobes had decided to open when Yasser who on his last outing for the Pelicans had hit a hundred was politely asked by Rags if he would indeed open or bat at number 9. Looking like a man that had just picked up a dollop of dog doo Yasser agreed and donned his pads.

2 runs later Yasser un-donned his pads and Hasan batting at number three went out to join Asad.

Now with the Pelicans on 10 for 1 and needing 230 to win it is fair to say all those watching and playing expected a LM victory but cue the video montage and background music of Bonnie Tyler singing ‘I need a hero’. Asad started to take the game to the LM bowlers as he raced to his 50, Hasan then decided to get into the act and soon he too made his fifty. The carnage continued as superb running between the wicket put more pressure on the LM bowlers as Asad raced to his hundred, Hasan unleashed some mighty fours and continued with the swift running, made all the more impressive as he was fasting.

Incredibly with two overs to go Asad was finally bowled for 116, a magnificent innings that left the Pelican only 10 runs short. What an innings.

Hasan now joined by Ali was playing like a man possessed as he shouted for a quick 2, Ali would have none of it and settled for a single, deciding to back himself. Next shot miss, then a cracking four from Ali. The game was won on the next ball with a wide that went for 4. VICTORY

Hasan not out 67.

A truly phenomenal batting performance from Asad and Hasan which this match report does not give justice to.

Man of the match……… can’t separate Asad and Hasan.

Reports are intended to convey an entertaining picture of the day’s play. No disrespect is meant, but if on occasion we misjudge matters, please take it in the friendly and humorous spirit in which it is intended.

Sunday June 3rd vs Lord Gnomes

Lord Gnomes 173 all out (Asad Rehman 4.3-0-9-3)   Great Missenden Pelicans 175 for 8 (Kunaal Kankate 54, Asad Rehman 36

DRAWN (scores tied)

Man of the Match: Greg

‘I cant really remember when that last happened’ opined PG.

With the sun shining hotter than Hotty Hottersons hotpants the Meadow looked resplendent as we welcomed one of our tougher fixtures of the Pelicans calendar, those Lord Gnomes.

As Skip walked into the changing room he was greeted not only by a low moaning sound but also a wall of smell, it wasn’t the smell of fear, oh no this was the smell of somebody who had been on a serious bender the night before and whose body now oozed the day after. Step forward Swish Tony.

Complaining about his wrecked body and sounding like a weedy 4 year old girl whose favourite dolly had been left upstairs he implored Skip to bat first so he could have a little moment of nappy nap naps.

Skip won the toss and elected to bowl.

Opening up for the Pelicans from the railway end the ever geriatric Toobes and from the Nags Head end the James Dean of Bollywood, Hasan.

With the openers deciding on running everything between the wickets it was fairly soon that this approach would lead to a wicket which indeed it did. With their number 2 bat directing the ball to Hasan they went for their second run; needless to say he was left stranded in the middle of the wicket as the bails were removed, an excellent throw doing all the hard work from Has.

Hasan continued his spell and in no time had managed to remove two further wickets, one an excellent catch by Grego in gully and the other bowled, the Gnomes were in trouble, time to mix it up a bit thought the Skipper.

Enter the Tickler from the railway end and Rags from the Nags Head end. Its a common theme that rubbish gets wickets at the Meadow and this day was no different as Ticks lobbed down some very good deliveries, some average deliveries and two absolute shocking deliveries – he retired from the bowling attack with excellent figures of 4 overs 2 for 18, you can guess which deliveries gave the highest return. The first was a catch by Hasan who seemed to remember this week to pack his catching hands, unfortunately as the game went on he also seemed to have put them back again, the other catch was an absolute snorter from Jonty Rollinson, taking a low diving catch again in gully …..unbelievable.

Rags bowled a tidy 11 overs until he decided to vary it up with spin which the batsmen seemed to pick rather early and dispatch for 6 each time prompting the sage words from Rags himself, ‘maybe I will stop trying to spin it’ much to his teammates’ relief and the batsman’s frustration he did indeed stop and the runs dried up and a wicket soon fell.

With Tickles’ magnificent spell finished (just look in the book) Haimes Walters bowled a superb 7 overs and removed a Gnome that was starting to look quite comfortable. With his spell finished Skip asked Asad to do what Asad does best, as he returned figures of 4.3 overs and 3 for 9.

The Gnomes had posted a decent score of 173, and proved once again that they can indeed bat all the way down the order.

Tea was provided by Haimes and in true Pelican fashion a feast was laid on which was appreciated greatly by both sides.

With tea finished Asad and Kunaal strode out to chase down the Gnomic score of 173. Looking truly magnificent our two openers went about the Gnomes bowlers with relish as 4 followed 4. As the rest of the Pelicans sat back it came as quite a shock finally to see Asad caught whilst on 36, a lovely innings. Kunaal meanwhile continued with a new partner Jonty Rollinson, unfortunately a couple of balls later Grego was making his way back to the changing rooms, the victim of a questionable LBW decision as he hit the ball onto his pads.

Step forward a new partner for Kunaal, Ali.

Now those who have watched Ali bat know that all the shots are in there except forward defensive, in fact generally once 12 runs have been hit there descends a madness, when he changes from mild mannered cricket pro to his alter ego Dool. Today was no different as Dool Ali went about the bowlers like a man possessed, as 6 followed 6 followed 4 followed 4. Skip thought we will be finished in 20 minutes. Dool instead having smashed his way to 26 was bowled.

With Kunaal now getting his 50 Hasan joined him, unfortunately with 6 on the board Has soon was wandering back to the clubhouse, step forward Swish Tony, unfortunately after a few Swishes and 6 runs on the board he too had decided that batting was a mug’s game and returned back to the clubhouse. Unfortunately Kunaal soon followed having scored an excellent 54 and, with Asad, given the Pelicans an excellent start. The field was open for Adam and Tickles.

Adam having learnt from the master swished his way this way and that but unfortunately could not connect with any of the balls, with the overs ticking down Adam swished and missed once too often and he too returned to the clubhouse. The Pelicans were on 12 runs needed and 10 balls to go, all was looking good with the new pairing of Kankate R and Tickler until Rags was bowled leaving the score on 9 to win with 2 balls.

Toobes was sent out but could only hit 2 fours, match tied 173 apiece.

With the game over fines were handed out, the biggest donation this week coming from Swish Tony who had accidentally put on the spring loaded gloves.

An excellent game of cricket played in great spirit and with a man of the match being Grego for two stunning catches.

Final word to PG as he contemplated the result ‘I cant really remember when that last happened’. Josh remembered though – 2012 versus Wendover.

Reports are intended to convey an entertaining picture of the day’s play. No disrespect is meant, but if on occasion we misjudge matters, please take it in the friendly and humorous spirit in which it is intended.

Sunday May 27th vs Prince of Wales Marsh

Prince of Wales Marsh 71 all out (Raghu Kankate 8-5-8-3, Adam Fairweather 4.7-1-40-3)    Great Missenden Pelicans 74 for 1 (Asad Rehman 40*

WON by 9 wickets

Man of the Match: The weather

Fielding a team that combined youth and pensioners the Pelicans touched down on planet WIN, and a lovely planet it is.

Facing new opposition the Pelicans assembled at the meadow in a blaze of sunshine, in fact rather hot sunshine. With the wicket that had been covered looking lovely and green Skip made his way to the wicket with the oppo and tossing the lucky 2 Euro returned back to the clubhouse with a knowing smile, we were bowling.

Opening for the Pelicans we welcomed back Josh from the Nags Head End and suffered Toobes from the railway end.

The game it is fair to say was a bit of a strange one, Toobes opened up and the ball did indeed move around quite a bit, causing the batsman a few problems, but ok. Josh then opened up and combined movement with pace, as he then proceeded to take the head off the opening batsman, a lovely chap but foolhardy on the brave front as he stood there without a helmet. As Clive would say, “somebody will get killed out there”.

With the opener retiring to the clubhouse the next batsman came in with a helmet. Unfortunately he didn’t last too long as he was caught by Kunaal not before he had been dropped 4 times by Hasan on the same one attempt, but hey we all have our off days and no doubt Has would redeem himself.

Josh under instructions from the whole team to bowl a full length continued to bounce his way through the oppo and in no time at all the oppo Skipper was joining his opener in the clubhouse, a not so happy chappy.

With Toobes and Josh removed from the attack the scoreboard read 6 for 3 and 2 retired hurt, time for the big guns, or should I say Adam time ably assisted by Rags.

In no time at all Adam had the oppo dancing to his tune as a barrage of unpredictability left the POW bamboozled, almost as much as his fellow Pelicans. In all this bamboozlement Adam was on a hat-rick, unfortunately it didn’t come off but he finished the game on 7.4 overs 3 for 40.

Rags meanwhile showing the generosity of a hybrid Scottish Yorkshireman returned figures of 8 overs 3 for 8 with 5 maidens. In all of that precision Hasan was offered a chance to redeem himself and in true Pelican style ignored it and dropped yet another catch.

With the POW innings at an end extras was their joint highest score.

Tea on the other hand was a lovely affair as Susan, or as we know her, the Judi Dench of the oven, provided scones and cakes that just made the POW players keep coming back, an old trick but one that never fails…..amateurs.

With tea taken it was down to Asad and Kunaal to chase down the 71 runs required.

Kunaal in the form he left behind last season struck his first 4 shots for 4 a piece, Asad, and I am not being mean spirited here streaked his way ever onwards. Unfortunately this dream team was abruptly cut short as Kunaal fired a ball back to the bowler who managed to hold on to it.

Out strode Matt Smelly Harris who had adopted the same technique as Asad, in fact so streaky had these two become they should have been referred to as Smoked and Back.

There is not much I can say but somehow Asda reached 40, his last shot actually being a beautifully timed 4, finally he had come into form as the game was just about to end. Incredibly Smelly Harris with more singles than a speed dating evening showed he too could hit a ball and finished the game off with a lovely drive for 4 and 10 not out. Ding Dang Doo.

With the game over by 6pm refreshments were taken at the Keys and fines divvied up.

As I say a bit of a funny old game and on re reading my match report I would like to correct one inaccuracy, we took tea in the middle of our innings, so used am I to reporting the above version I got carried away and as I don’t know how to cut and paste it’s stayed there.

Reports are intended to convey an entertaining picture of the day’s play. No disrespect is meant, but if on occasion we misjudge matters, please take it in the friendly and humorous spirit in which it is intended.

Sunday May 20th vs Hyde Heath

Great Missenden Pelicans 176 for 8 (Chris Bechervaise 46, Ali Haider 35, Hasan Arif 25*   Hyde Heath 177 for 5

LOST by 5 wickets

Man of the Match: Bech

Well a run is still a run even if it consists of 2 Ls.

Yes, following a Herculean effort from the Ginger Ninja Dawsey the Pelicans pulled together a team of worthy warriors that included Mini Ali, a boy with nerves of steel indeed.

Having duly lost the toss the Pelicans were put into bat on what liked a pretty funky Hyde Heath wicket. Opening up for the Pelicans and we had Chris Bech ( a man who has retired more times than Muhammad Ali) definitely absolutely playing his last game, and JG.

The thought in Skip’s mind was JG would provide some test style batting and Chris Bech having not played for 2 years could hopefully feel his way into the game. Unfortunately after 5 balls JG used his French cricket stance and was bowled flush on between his legs. Chris ‘my last game’ Bech was joined by The Iceman, the Pelicans looked slightly wobbly, Skip surveyed the scene his confidence slightly dented.

Out of adversity etc etc Bech and Iceman dug in Bech peppering the position between 2nd and 3rd slip and Iceman ably assisted, or shall we say moaned to the umpiring Skip about Bech counting the balls in each over as time and again quick singles were taken.

With the score on 67 Iceman was finally bowled having done an excellent job of making sure there was no Pelican collapse, Chris ‘This is really it’ Bech carried on, this time he was joined by Ali. Skip’s instructions to Ali were simple “once you have hit a four and got past 12 runs try not to go deranged and be out”. Lets just say Ali finally fell on 35, a superb innings that included a mighty 6, Chris Last game Bech too finally succumbed and was bowled for a mighty game changing 46, what a way to finish.

Niron ambled out to the wicket, drove hard to mid-off and ambled back, Tony Sweep Swish Harris flew into action, and after a swift 10 Swish Tony too succumbed to the Hyde heath bowling.

Mr Dependable Rags had joined Swish Tony and very un Rags like departed for 0, leaving the road clear for our own Bollywood hunk Has. With Swish Tony bowled Has was joined by Jal and once again displaying muscle memory inherited from Bradman Jal smashed out a quick 15 until he was out with 3 balls left.

This brought Skip out to the wicket who saw off the 3 balls and walked back to the clubhouse with Has who was not out 25……a flippin good innings.

Tea was devoured and the Pelicans took to the field defending a very respectable 176.

Opening for the Pelicans we had Toobes and Hasan, general tight bowling restricted the Hyde Heath openers and after 13 overs they had 23 runs, the omens were looking good.

A change of bowling brought forward Rags and JG, finally wickets fell as Hyde heath chased the Pelican total, unfortunately with JG and Rags having taken two wickets apiece the Hyde Heath batsman Masood came to the crease and went at JG and Rags. It is fair to say that he had one shot, but he played it extremely well as he launched ball after ball for a 6 to cow corner.

With the runs required dropping ever lower Rags was rested, with a look of the Black Knight from Monty Python and the Holy Grail Rags was sure he had worked his man out and wanted a few more goes at him, unfortunately for Rags it was more than a flesh wound as his figures of 9 overs 2 for 50 will show, JG similarly was rested and Toobes and Hsan came back into the attack. Unfortunately they could not stop the inevitable and Hyde heath won the game with 3 overs to spare.

Special shout to Mini Ali who fielded with great courage especially as one ball flew at him at 200mph and he stood his ground whilst his Father shouted ‘stop it’ and Skip shouted ‘let it go’ He did indeed stand his ground.

Not a good loss but a fair one all the same.

Reports are intended to convey an entertaining picture of the day’s play. No disrespect is meant, but if on occasion we misjudge matters, please take it in the friendly and humorous spirit in which it is intended.

Sunday May 13th vs Ibstone

Ibstone 113 all out   Great Missenden Pelicans fewer all out


Every run of form must come to an end and so it was at the Meadow when after 3 victories in a row, Ibstone popped that victory bubble.

Following a Saturday of heavy rain the prospect of cricket looked slim, but the great God of cricket, who resides in Yorkshire, shone magnificently on Great Missenden as Sunday brought blue skies and sunny sun sun.

With the lucky 2 Euro coin thrust into Skip’s hand the toss was a mere formality as victory saw the Pelicans opt to bowl, little did we know that would be our only victory of the day.

Opening the bowling we had Pasi from the clubhouse end and Toobes from the railway end. Pasi unleashed 7 overs of wizardry which bamboozled the opener and number 3 batsmen. With the openers being taken off Ibstone had found themselves in a relatively comfortable position of 3 for 52, step forward Rags who as we all know did what Rags does best. Returning figures of 8 overs 3 for 17 Ibstone suddenly looked a little less comfortable. Hasan who had completed 3 overs was politely asked to step down to let the big guns of Adam into the attack and as expected The Pelicans’ answer to Shane Warne had the 12 year old asking questions he just couldn’t answer as another wicket fell.

To finish off the Ibstone innings NVDP making an attempt to look like a cross between John Inman and Larry Grayson unleashed 2 overs of fury in a neck tie and claimed his wicket as Adam took a stunning first slip catch. Amazingly that stunning first slip catch had been preceded by a truly dreadful first slip drop, oh how the Yorkshire god of cricket must have chortled.

Tony behind the stumps had managed to leave the spring loaded gloves in the locker as he too got into this catching jamboree albeit his take was a little less spectacular than Adams as the Ibstone number 7 skied one straight up. There then was what seemed like an eternity as those around Tony stood and waited for him to move 1 foot to his left and take the catch. Fortunately Tony who had now issued instructions for someone to call for it finally realised that it was indeed his and consequently moved one foot to his left and took it.

Two other wickets were run outs, as the Ibstone bats amazingly felt there was a run on Clive’s well used right arm, ridiculous.

One other moment of fielding genius saw NVDP go for a ball looking like a cross between John Inman, Larry Grayson and Rudolph Nureyev albeit a bit camper.

The Ibstone innings was brought to a close on 113 runs, surely victory was in the bag.

An early tea was taken and what a fine tea it was as NVDP put on a spread he has become well known for, an excellent effort appreciated by all especially Hasan who tucked into a large number of sugar brittle cakes which had Skip worrying about diabetes.

Following tea the Pelicans batsmen, who undoubtedly would knock the 114 to win off in no time at all, were sent out.

Opening we had Clive and Pasi. I won’t dwell on each individual batsman as I feel repetition leads to boredom but after a number of swishes, swats and swanky shots the Pelicans were staring down a barrel at 45 for 8. Lets just say shot selection was not of the best.

Coming to the wicket we had the joyful pairing of NVDP and Toobes. Instructions from the Skipper, “lets avoid embarrassment”. Never the most inspiring of orders but a truthful one.

With the 50 up the next target was 60, with the 60 up the next target was 70. Toobes and NVDP were starting to believe, even more so as our Aussie supremo unleashed hell to the boundary. Toobes too, with his customary shocking style, got into the act of hitting the 12 year old for 4.

With the score now past 80 Ibstone were getting a bit concerned and on came the opening bowlers who in all fairness were pretty useful

Unfortunately Toobes was soon LBW for 20 and Adam who had looked comfortable was bowled, leaving NVDP the honour of being there at the end, a truly excellent and gutsy performance and second top scorer.

Drinks and fines were administered in the keys. All in all a bad result but a good days cricket played with an opposition that were a pleasure to welcome at the Meadow.

Reports are intended to convey an entertaining picture of the day’s play. No disrespect is meant, but if on occasion we misjudge matters, please take it in the friendly and humorous spirit in which it is intended.

Sunday May 6th vs Holmer Green

Holmer Green 89 all out (Adam Fairweather 4-27)   Great Missenden Pelicans 90 for 4 (Jalil Rehman 23*)

WON by 6 wickets

Man of the Match: Adam

“Sorry losers and haters, my IQ is one of the highest-and you all know it” Donald Trump
WWW first three games for the Pelicans I think you will find is not fake news. Skip

On a day that brought home the vagaries of the British Summer after last week’s 4-degree freezeathon we welcomed Holmer Green to the Meadow, a first time in many years, a team that worryingly looked both fit and young.

The Pelicans sat hunched over their kit bags making various aged noises as the Skipper went out to toss, using this week the lucky Harris 2 Euro remainer coin, having dispensed with the rather unlucky iPhone 6.

With the toss in the bag Skip elected to bowl and informed the eager team who greeted such news with a cacophony of grunts as they stood up and started to get dressed into nicely pressed cricket whites.

Opening the bowling for the Pelicans was Toobes from the railway end and Hasan from the Club house end, both bowling 6 overs apiece and both taking two wickets apiece for very few runs, a platform had been set and it was up to JG and Adam to build on that platform, and build on it they did. JG overjoyed at finally bowling down the hill also got in to the act of 2 wickets for very few runs, but Adam was on fire. With a combination of loopy high balls, skidding low balls, balls going on the on side, balls going on the off side and the occasional straight one, Holmer Greens finest were utterly bamboozled, it is fair to say so were the Pelicans. The outcome of such bowling was to decimate the Holmer Green middle order as 4 wickets quickly fell. With Adam looking at a five-for and like a Belisha beacon his request of ‘Skip anytime you want to take me off’ was heeded before nature took the decision out of the Skip’s hands.

Whilst all this carnage was taking place Niron had also been unleashed onto the unsuspecting Holmer Green team and returned a very respectable 5 overs for hardly any runs.

It was JG who was called into the action once again to finish the innings and took the final wicket as Holmer Green posted a score of 89 runs.

Having seen the difficulty the week earlier of getting past 70 the game was finely in the balance.

An early tea was taken and the opposition were filled up on cakes and cheese perfect for running around on a hot summer’s day.

Opening for the Pelicans we had the ever consistent Clive and the mighty Asad.

Asad unusually for him decided to run a few quick singles until a mighty 6 was unleashed into the clubhouse. Having suddenly got the flavour of big hitting he was then undone by in his own words by one that did nothing but successfully hit his pads whilst he stood in front of the wicket.

Clive on the other hand had discovered the boundary and with customary grace started to dispatch the balls away, unfortunately the 12-year-old bowling had worked Clive out and bowled a slow straight one, which confused Clive as he swished his bat and edged it onto his wicket.

With Iceman already at the crease, Ali entered the arena to finish off Holmer Green. Deciding that he was going to up his game from last week Ali looked like a man possessed, unfortunately the entity that was possessing him on this occasion had never played cricket before and possibly wasn’t human as the 12-year-old had once again worked Ali out on this occasion without bowling at him, Ali spooned a catch up to mid off and trudged off shaking his head exorcising the entity out of his body. The Pelicans were looking not too clever.

Meanwhile at the other end the Iceman in his rodent-damaged pads had decided to steady the good ship Pelican and looked in imperious form as he dispatched 3 balls off to the boundary. Unfortunately such play was never to last as he fell, LBW, but on a respectable score of 16 having finally given the Pelicans a platform.

At the wicket we had Bomber Harris and Jalil. Now if an award is ever to be given for bloody mindedness in the face of overwhelming odds against you, then Bomber would have it as he followed sweep shot after sweep shot missing every one. It was not until his about 20th attempt when he finally connected much to the delirious joy to the masses watching. Jalil on the other hand had a completely different approach as 5 4s will prove in the scorebook. Setting himself up nicely with 4 to win Jalil hoisted a ball towards the boundary looking all day like a 6 but finishing off as a 4. Game won.

The team returned to the changing room drained but victorious, Adam a bit behind also joined his team mates and confirmed he knew what success smelt like, apparently it isn’t pleasant.

With the Pelicans retiring to the Cross Keys NVDP called a quorum and fines were duly dispensed – high on the fines front was Bomber who had managed to find and wear the spring loaded gloves.

Reports are intended to convey an entertaining picture of the day’s play. No disrespect is meant, but if on occasion we misjudge matters, please take it in the friendly and humorous spirit in which it is intended.

Sunday April 29th vs Little Marlow

Little Marlow 69 all out (Haime 2 for 3, Adam Fairweather 2 for 11, Josh Bailey 2 for 9)   Great Missenden Pelicans 70 for 8 (Josh Bailey 32*)

WON by 2 wickets

Man of the Match: Josh

On a day that was so cold even Niron looked human the Pelicans chalked up their second win of the season.

Following heavy rain and with the certainty the match would be called off the opposition confirmed at 9.30 that indeed the game was still on and they were looking forward to seeing us. With each Peli ordered to pack whites including parkas the team duly turned up looking like something from the Royal Marines Mountain and Artic Warfare Cadre.

With the toss lost and the desire to move the game on a format of limited overs was agreed and the Pelis duly took up the challenge of fielding, hampered by 5 layers of clothing.

Opening the bowling was the old double act of Toobes and Josh, it soon became clear that the wicket had something in it as Toobes hitting the speed trap at upper 20sKph returned figures of 1 for 10, unusual in itself. Josh looking like he had played all winter raced in and returned figures of 2 for 9 with some rather pacy and accurate bowling which had the oppo batsmen hopping around like Egyptian belly dancers on hot coals.

With the scoreboard runs keeping pace with the overs indeed it turned to our resident Kiwi and history buff NVDP to point out the aeronautical figures of 7 for 2 off 7. Yes we all had the same look on our faces as NVDP gleefully told us that interesting fact.

With Toobes and Josh put out to grass and freeze, the bowling honours were taken over by Mr Dependable Rags and Haimes, as you would guess wickets fell almost as quickly as runs were scored as Rags returned figures of 1 for 8 and Haimes 2 for 6, even the efforts of Josh on the boundary dropping the ball three times in an effort to pick it up couldn’t coax further runs.

With batsmen running out and fearing the onset of cryogenic freezing the big guns were called for namely NVDP and Adam with 6 overs bowled apiece. NVDP having varied his bowling going over, around, backwards, forwards, sideway, and all ways returned figures of 1 for 9, Adam similarly in imperious form took his 2 wickets for 22 runs, one of which was a caught and bowled which entered Adams hands at Mach 4.5.

With the 38 overs bowled the Pelis rushed back to the clubhouse for heat and bovril having restricted Little Marlow to 69 or as we like to call it….. Clive.

Now ordinarily the grand total of 69 would be viewed as a paltry sum, but this was the Pelis and this was a very cold day, so there was a lack of high fives as the Pelis ate tea, warmed up and prepared for the Little Marlow onslaught.

Not surprising the Little Marlow onslaught did indeed occur as first Greg was out for 0 LBW again, Niron was out for 0 caught, Bails out for 0 caught, Ali out for 3 bowled and Clive unbelievably out for 10 LBW.

With the Pelis on 5 for 26, 69 was starting to look quite an impressive total, cometh the hour cometh the Bailey, in this instance Josh, who having scared the bejeebers out of them with the ball unleashed carnage and a few air shots. Assisted by Rags the score progressed to 46 until Rags was caught for 6. Haimes entered the arena without bothering the scoreboard too much and was replaced by Toobes.

Looking comfortable Toobes and Josh took the score up to 63 for Toobes to fall LBW, NVDP fresh from his umpiring stint decided to bring the game home with some quality match management ably assisted by Josh, VICTORY.

The Pelicans retired to the Queens Head and fines were distributed, highlights Bails general averageness particularly on the first ball as he adopted the wicket keeping position only Weeble like to topple over and un Weeble like not be able to get up.

Both Niron and Grego’s use of the boot for stopping the ball, Adams fine for getting a duck as he waited his turn to bat, which never happened, and Ali for being an umpiring genius……………….NUFF SAID.

Reports are intended to convey an entertaining picture of the day’s play. No disrespect is meant, but if on occasion we misjudge matters, please take it in the friendly and humorous spirit in which it is intended.

Sunday April 22nd vs Fleet Street Strollers

Great Missenden Pelicans 205-9 (Pasi Fernando 67, Patrick Timmis 27*, Hasan Arif 24)   Fleet Street Strollers 177 (Hasan Arif 4-15)

WON by 28 runs

Man of the Match: Hasan

Woke up this morning, I had a dream about sunshine days, perfect teas, Pelicans victorious…

But it wasn’t a dream and I ache like Bu**ery to prove it.

First game first victory

With 11 giants putting up their hands looking forward to a bit of tan topping up the Pelicans assembled at the clubhouse for the first game of the season. Thanks to our own Mystic Meg Harris prediction the covers had protected the square from an overnight downpour, now safely nestled behind the roller the field of dreams looked truly magnificent.

Skip and the oppo Skip took to the crease and without the lucky 2 Euro used the unlucky i phone 6 which proved as it title would suggest, unlucky.

With the Pelicans batting what could go wrong, well with three quick wickets 3 for 36 was a problem, Iceman, Grego failed to ignite the scorecard, JG did find the boundary and looked in magnificent form until a very un JG like shot produced a catch and his wicket.

Taking to the middle we had the partnership of Has and Pas, what followed can only be described as carnage from the bat of Pas as eight sixes peppered the boundary, and considered batting from the bat of Has.

Naturally we would need to have a comedic moment and the twins provided it, with communication between the batsman which Stephen Hawkins in his current state could have surpassed our two desperados found themselves stranded between the wicket, looking somewhat like the Chuckle brothers all that was lacking was the command “to you, to me” as back and forth they went. This indecision was not only matched but improved upon by the Strollers who between them failed to decide who would pick up the ball and who would throw it back in, the result, both Has and Pas safe.

Eventually this partnership came to an end and Mystic Meg Harris came forth with his customary sweeps and pulls and Patrick, playing his first game for the Pelis. The scoreboard ticked along nicely even when Mystic Bomber swept once too often as Mrs Safe hands Rags came forth. Again runs continued and eventually Adam entered the arena and then entered the clubhouse, Ajmal similarly entered the field of dreams, but lasted significantly longer than Adam. Not wishing to be seen as arrogant Skip declared with 2 minutes to go and the scoreboard on 205, surely enough.

Tea was provided by Adam and if there is one thing you can count on from Adam is that tea will be a sumptuous affair, which it was.

The Pelicans took to the field and the Strollers came out ready to do battle, opening the bowling was Tooby and new boy Patrick. The bowling was tight and kept the run rate down the only wicket being a suicidal run which was taken as the ball rolled to JG and even Jim Bowen in his current state would have hit the wicket, one down.

A change of bowling brought Ajmal and Rags forward, Rags as ever kept the run rate well down and Ajmal once he had found his soon took his first Peli wicket, soon followed by his second which was a catch by brother Has.

The bowling was soon beefed up with Adam who brought his twirly magic forward, unfortunately it was black magic and the Strollers somewhat feasted on this ambrosia, having finally bought a wicket Skip dragged him off kicking and screaming and replaced him with Has, bowling from the railway end was Pas.

What followed was a reverse of the batting, carnage from Has and steady rockets from Pas. In no time at all Has had produced 4 wickets, which included some fine takes from Harris and JG ( the J stands for Jonty) taking another wicket with a superb run out which Dale Winton in his live state would have missed.

The game was won naturally from the hands of Has, victory, yes but it was close.

An excellent start to the season with cricket played in the right spirit from both sides, the Strollers as ever a pleasure to welcome to the Meadow.

Roll on Little Marlow.

Reports are intended to convey an entertaining picture of the day’s play. No disrespect is meant, but if on occasion we misjudge matters, please take it in the friendly and humorous spirit in which it is intended.

Sunday April 15th vs Nomads

Match cancelled

Sadly, and despite best efforts by a working party the previous week, a month of rain and cold weather meant that the ground was never going to be fit for the opening fixture. Early cancellation.

Reports are intended to convey an entertaining picture of the day’s play. No disrespect is meant, but if on occasion we misjudge matters, please take it in the friendly and humorous spirit in which it is intended.

No Match Report